The Bachelor‘s drama roadshow crossed the pond this week as Zach and the contestants took London by storm. If you were hoping for a lot of Americans saying “cheerio” and using bad British accents, well, you’re in luck.
Despite Greer having a tattoo of a tea cup, Zach chooses Gabi to accompany him on the first one-on-one date in England. Greer took that about as well as you would expect. Zach and Gabi created a fragrance, tried on designer gowns (well, Gabi did) and she got to waltz back into the hotel with arms full of bags on bags of fancy shoes and clothes.
The other women were just thrilled for her. Thrilled. Oh, wait, no, they were fake happy.
The rest of the date was blah blah whatever UB40 SHOWED UP, DEAR READERS! Usually the solo concerts are awkward, and we get a forced, “Oh, I love [insert singer or band literally no one has heard of]” from the contestants. This time, it was the iconic UB40 singing (I Can’t Help) Falling In Love With You. Whatever you do, if you know who UB40 is, don’t Twitter search the band because you’ll feel very, very old.
Things took a turn on the group date as Zach no-showed, saying he was too under the weather to go. The contestants still went on a double-decker bus, where they complained, got rained on and all around had a terrible time.
Turns out, Zach had COVID, although host Jesse Palmer’s delivery was exceedingly dramatic. The cocktail party and rose ceremony were done virtually — the first time in Bachelor history — and Kylee and Mercedes were sent back stateside without a rose.
Let’s get into the contenders, pretenders, those that have work to do and our Top Five.
Contenders
Gabi – Look, if you both laugh at a British man saying something about a sensual woody scent, you’re meant to be. She not only got enough designer swag to need a new suitcase, she also got a rose and a private performance FROM DANG UB40. On the downside, she likely got COVID from Zach, so, not great.
It’s giving Cinderella and Prince Charming ✨ #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/G6XA3ArSt4
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 21, 2023
Kaity – Bringing him a gift basket is the absolute sweetest. You get top marks.
Technology – A rose ceremony of the future! Instead of not calling names, Zach should have just booted the women from the call. There were so many options to have it super messy with a group call and women raising their hands and unmuting.
Work Left to Do
The Entire Group Date – Ladies, you need to learn what getting stood up is. The man was sick. He told you he was sick. You weren’t stood up. Also, show some kindness… HE IS SICK. You look so mean when it comes back that he had COVID.
London, London, London, be goin’ down like! #TheBachelor pic.twitter.com/DXcjlQYx8R
— The Bachelor (@BachelorABC) February 21, 2023
Pretenders
Greer – In Greer’s defense, having to listen to someone talk about a date with the guy you like is brutal, but acting like you were robbed because you totally, like, love tea is a little over the top. Everyone wanted the date where he treats you like a queen and buys you designer goods. We get it, you love Earl Grey. Insult to injury, Zach took exception (kind of weirdly) to Greer comparing his COVID on his Love Journey to her getting sick at the end of the sales quarter.
Zach’s Jokes – [Gives Charity a Big Ben clock] “I know our time has been cut short…”
Power Rankings
5. Brooklyn
4. Cat
3. Charity
2. Kaity
1. Gabi
