Azra Beach's earliest memories are not happy ones.
Ms Beach was placed into the care of a foster family from an early age. A member of the family, Odette Price*, was physically and emotionally abusive towards her, she told the Tasmanian child sexual abuse commission of inquiry.
"At times I feel like she hated me. … She broke my arm just before my fifth birthday and then slapped me across the face after my arm was broken because I wouldn't stop crying," Ms Beach said.
"She'd routinely hit us with my father's work belt."
She said her foster father Alf Price* was "very loving" but "very passive".
Ms Beach told the commission it was against a backdrop of abuse that she was sexually abused by another member of the family, Amos Price*, and a family friend, Jasper*, although she did not realise it was sexual abuse until much later.
"[Amos] was someone that I loved and trusted and I felt safe with him. He was my safety … because [Odette] wasn't, she didn't really show any affection or any love, so when this was happening, it wasn't coming from a place of fear or intimidation," she said.
"I genuinely felt loved … he was safer to be with, he was kinder, he never spoke to me abusively … I felt like he loved me."
Ms Beach said it was a similar situation with Jasper.
"It's really complicated … I know it was wrong love, but it was the only affection and the only love that I was really shown throughout my younger years."
Government department 'did nothing'
Ms Beach told the commission it was not until she had her own daughter that she realised what she had thought of as love and affection was sexual abuse.
She told the commission she also did not know for a long time that she was in foster care.
"I was not even aware that the Price family was not my [biological] family until much later on," she said.
Ms Beach said the state government department responsible for child safety, which is now known as the Communities Department, "did nothing".
"They left me in a family based on their [the family's] position within the community," she told the commission.
"They felt that our case wasn't a priority, we were safe, they didn't need to check in on us. I mean, look at where we were … we had tried to raise concerns and they were completely dismissed as us having over-active imaginations."
Ms Beach was eventually moved. She said she remembered a meeting at her school with a social worker and Ms Price.
"I was pulled out of class and she [Ms Price] was sitting beside me … as these questions were being asked she was squeezing my hand — she had really sharp nails and she used to dig them into my palm when I was sort of acting out or whatever," Ms Beach said.
"So I think she did that and, you know, I sang their praises … all because I wanted them to love me."
She said she did not stay with the Price family for much longer, then was "bounced around", first to a group home, and later to a foster mother who she said was "not prepared" and had not been given much information about Ms Beach.
She did, however, describe that foster home as a much more positive experience.
Ms Beach told the commission she wanted an apology — something she had been asking for for some time and had spoken about to politicians, including "a prominent politician".
"I just want an apology because I feel like what was done to me was wrong. I deserve a heartfelt apology along with every other child that was subjected to the same abuse," she said.
'I had to dig through every bit of trauma'
Ms Beach told the commission that navigating the National Redress Scheme had been a difficult process.
"I felt like I had to dig through every bit of trauma. I had to even get the offer that I was given, and by that stage, I had no fight left in me … I've been haemorrhaging for three years trying to have something done about what happened to me," she said.
"It was a bit of a slap in the face to find out that they're actually only paying for the physical acts themselves."
She told the commission it took an estimated five years for a common law claim against the government to go through the courts.
"I don't have five years' worth of fighting in me anymore, so I sold out and I took the money and ran," Ms Beach said.
Ms Beach told the commission there were still children living in care and having a poor experience.
This week's commission of inquiry hearings are focused on Tasmania's out-of-home care system.
Child safety worker 'in tears' after meeting with department officials
Kennerley Children's Homes chief executive Andrea Sturges told the commission that in her experience, children who were emotionally, physically and psychologically abused were more vulnerable to sexual abuse.
"We need to focus our attention on a zero-tolerance policy to any form of abuse of any child, but more particularly, where we have a moral obligation as the state to protect them," Ms Sturges said.
She told the commission the Communities Department had not shared her concerns.
Ms Sturges told the commission she had concerns about 12 carers who were aligned with the department at the time.
She said she organised a meeting to talk to department officials about what she saw as a need for a way to de-register foster carers so that no more children were placed with them.
"I was virtually told that I should, and our board should, perhaps adjust our risk appetite … I was very clearly asked first up — and it was just as the commission was being announced — I was first asked, were there any sexual abuse allegations in any of this material."
Ms Sturges told the commission there were not.
"At that point, it was abundantly clear that unless the matters related to sexual abuse, it didn't matter," she said.
After the meeting, Ms Sturges and her colleague walked to their car together.
"The clinical practice leader was shaking and she was pasty white, and we got in the car and she burst into tears and she said, 'I've never been spoken to like that in my life'," she said.
Communities Department secretary Michael Pervan is among the witnesses to give evidence on Friday.
*Names have been changed.
