For the bulk of his early career, Mikey Robins sat safely behind a radio desk or on a TV set – often as a panellist on Good News Week or a presenter on Triple J.
But in the early 2000s comedy took him somewhere very different: Afghanistan. Robins did a two-week stint there during the war as an entertainer for the troops. Here the author, broadcaster and comedian tells us about that not-so-relaxing travel experience and shares memories from some less cortisol-spiking holidays.
Who makes an excellent travelling companion?
My wife, Laura, has been my most excellent travelling companion for going on 30 years. I say this not just because we have the same interests and both like getting a bit lost in large cities but, most importantly, we know the one truism about any couple travelling together: no matter how much you love each other, no trip is ever complete until you have “the argument”.
This can be over tiny things and in hindsight they were mostly all my fault. Usually they are quickly forgotten. Although I am still regularly reminded of something that has gone down as “The Great Vatican Taxi Meltdown”.
What is your earliest childhood holiday memory?
Let me just warn you this is from a less enlightened and far crueller time. I went to Shoal Bay on a caravan trip as a boy. It was the same weekend as a game fishing competition. This was long before the practice of catch and release, so me and other kids spent the late afternoon running around dead and dying sharks on the shoreline. Absolutely awful.
Describe your most memorable travel meal – good, bad or just surprising.
About one hour’s drive east of Auckland, we found a fish and chip shop in a car park. “Have the fried flounder,” we were told. We did and the memory of it still makes me smile. Every now and then I’ll come across someone who has eaten there too and we spend quite some time raving about it.
What’s the most relaxing place you’ve ever visited?
Port Douglas is my happy place.
And the most stressful?
I did two weeks in Afghanistan hosting music shows for the troops, which was fascinating but definitely not a place you would go if you wanted to unwind. Some friends of mine, like Tom Gleeson, Fiona O’Loughlin and Lehmo, had already gone so when I was offered a spot I took the opportunity. The whole time we were there we had a security detail with us and we never left the safety of the bases.
That being said, there was one night backstage in Tarin Kowt when I was observing some red-hot dots flying between two hilltops just outside the base perimeter when one of the details dryly commented, “Yeah, they are what you think they are.” There was also a bit of a missile scare on the transport plane into Kandahar that definitely raised the pulse rate.
What is your holiday ritual?
I get nervous unless I take double the number of socks and undies I think I’m going to need, and I pack the night before. Always pack the night before.
What’s your strategy for enduring long-haul flights?
Give into it – stop checking how long the flight has to go. Remember that, at the end of the day, you are being served food and wine in a comfy chair. You are not shackled below deck rowing a Roman slave galley.
What’s your biggest travel regret?
Eating at places that cater to tourists. There was the trattoria just off the Campo de’ Fiori, overpriced and bland. Maybe I should have known something was up when the waiter, on finding out I was Australian, assured me that, when in Rome, John Howard always ate there.
There was a crispy-pork restaurant in Bali that came highly recommended in one of those old tourist travel guides. The only reason to darken its door is if you have an overwhelming desire to lose 6kg in two days, if you get my queasy drift.
And the fusion restaurant in Kyoto. Now as an Australian diner I’m familiar with a pretty wide variety of east-meets-west dishes, but I wasn’t prepared for a slab of raw tuna sitting in a choux pastry basket drowning in crème anglaise. And I definitely wasn’t prepared for the eye-watering bill that came with it.
It’s simple: eat where the locals eat, it’s always cheaper, it’s always tastier and it’s always healthier.
Idiots, Follies and Misadventures by Mikey Robins is out now (Simon & Schuster, RRP $34.99)
