My chocolate obsession has been through many phases. The most ridiculous was the bean-to-bar period when, over three sleep-deprived days, I tried to fashion a chocolate bar using a large bowl, a hairdryer and a pair of blenders. It taught me it’s possible for home cooks to make chocolate that’s both delicious and interesting, but it’s absolutely not worth it.
That brings me to my current phase, a stage of life that requires frequent chocolate purchases, sometimes in bulk and sometimes immediately. This taste test was exactly what I needed, even if I didn’t believe it.
Beforehand, I thought I knew all the best and worst supermarket chocolates. Just six months ago, I tested more than 20 milk chocolates. It’ll be the same winners and losers in a dark chocolate taste test, I thought.
I was completely wrong.
Twelve friends and I tasted 17 kinds of plain supermarket dark chocolate. As many of the blocks have brand names written on them, each chocolate was tasted with an eyes closed policy. We scored on texture and taste, with the latter making up three-quarters of the final score. Unlike in the milk chocolate taste test, where the taste score is essentially a deliciousness ranking, we were looking for dark chocolates that were, like my handmade version, not just delicious but complex.
The results were surprising and confusing. The best milk chocolate makers did not make the best dark chocolate. Price wasn’t a particularly useful predictor of success either. The best indicator was the nutrition panel. The highest scoring chocolates were the ones with high protein and a four parts fat to three parts sugar ratio. Too little sugar and it’s too bitter, too much and you lose character, while high protein correlates to stronger flavour. If this is a bit confusing, 70% dark chocolate was the sweet spot. It’s not a conclusion I love – it’s much easier to read “buy the brand with the blue packaging” – but it’s how I’ll be choosing dark chocolate from now on.
The best
Lindt 70% Cocoa Dark, 100g, $8.50, available from major supermarkets
Score: 8/10
I used to get a monthly box of bean-to-bar chocolates delivered to my house. The chocolates were made only with cocoa beans and sugar, but they had wildly different flavours. Some tasted like coconut, others like wet grass and some were so acidic I would have sworn they had added citrus. This was the only chocolate of the day that could have come from that box. It’s bold, confidently sour, a good balance between sweet and bitter, and the snap feels satisfying, like flicking open a car key or closing a handbag’s turnlock. “I feel like a refined, classy lady eating this,” said one of the reviewers. It’s the chocolate you want after a heavy meal.
The best value
Moser Roth Finest Dark 70% Cocoa, 125g, $3.69 ($2.95 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 7.5/10
One reviewer described this as an R18+ dark chocolate. Not because it’s raunchy – quite the opposite, it’s the chocolate version of Frankie Boyle – bitter, dry, lacking sweetness but somehow very enjoyable. It’s 18+ in the sense it’s not for children, the world’s biggest sugar fans and most vociferous protesters against bitter foods. The organic version is even more child-repellant. Reviewers said it smelled like soy sauce and tasted like turmeric and mulch. It was the most divisive product of the day but the final score was an OK: 5.5.
The rest
Godiva Signature 72% Cacao Dark Chocolate, 90g, $9.50 ($10.56 per 100g), available at Woolworths
Score: 7.5/10
One of the few bars to elicit sommelier-like tasting notes that weren’t just describing a lack of chocolate flavour. I thought it tasted a bit like Milo, others said similar things – malty, wheaty, toasty, like Ovaltine. Part of that was probably due to the sweetness – of all the 70% range chocolates we tried, this is the sweetest, with around 5-8% more sugar than its competitors. It’s also one of the smoothest chocolates, both texturally and metaphorically: easy to enjoy, complex and melting to your touch – like a great date.
Whittaker’s 72% Cocoa Special Blend Dark Ghana, 250g, $8.50 ($3.40 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 7/10
Seven out of 10 in both the dark and milk chocolate taste test – Whittaker’s is what I thought adult life would be like, enjoyable but routine and unextraordinary, a cruisy sail until death. Having spent almost two decades on that cruise, I now know it’s actually full of surprises, both traumatic and wonderful, and when the world feels unpredictable and out of control I crave uncontroversial 7/10 experiences – Marvel films, cafes and Whittaker’s chocolate. I wouldn’t serve it to a dinner party of class-anxious friends, but it’s exactly what I want to eat while watching an election.
Tony’s Chocolonely Dark Chocolate 70%, 180g, $9.95 ($5.53 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 6.5/10
Instead of neat squares, Tony’s is divided into big, asymmetric chunks. Some people liked the dense chew but others found it waxy and oily (there were similar complaints in the milk chocolate taste test). Like Whittaker’s, another chunky brand, it’s got a big cocoa flavour and an accessible bitter-sweet balance. It lost half a mark on taste. I thought it had a stale aftertaste, another reviewer described it as having “a dried fruit-like mustiness”. Having never had a smoke in my life, I was intrigued to see one reviewer write “makes you want a cigarette”. Sorry I can’t factcheck that for you.
Choceur Dark, 200g, $3.99 ($2.00 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 6/10
As soon as the reviewers popped this into their mouths, there were complaints – “this isn’t dark chocolate”, they yelled. Some refused to score it, others accused me of trickery, yet no one said they didn’t enjoy it. Instead, they wrote it was soft, fudgy, caramelly and like a “Maccas chocolate sundae”. If we’d separated the taste score into deliciousness and depth, this probably would have scored a 10 and a 0. But if it were competing against dark, milk and white chocolates, it would have ranked near the top.
Old Gold Original, 180g, $7 ($3.89 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 5.5/10
Old Gold 70% is a decent, mildly interesting chocolate. Old Gold original, on the other hand, is essentially candy. Not just any candy – it tastes like banana lollies. Almost every reviewer made this claim; the three that didn’t described it as “artificial” and “like jellybeans”. Fascinatingly, this is exactly the complaints made against Cadbury in the milk chocolate taste test (Old Gold is made by Cadbury). It’s not just candy in vibe, it’s literally the highest sugar dark chocolate on supermarket shelves. I would suggest, rather than branding this for dudes who drink Chivas and have a shelf full of second world war documentary DVDs, it should have a soft pink wrapper that says “baby’s first dark chocolate”.
Mr Beast Feastables Dark Chocolate, 60g, $4 ($6.67 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 5.5/10
One reviewer wrote this was chocolate designed for old people. It was unclear whether that was due to the smooth, melty texture, the sweetness (science is iffy on whether old age affects perception of sweet tastes) or the odd menthol-like cooling sensation (no idea what in the ingredients could have caused this). I’m sure they’d find irony in the fact no old person is ever likely to buy a product whose main appeal is being named after a famous YouTuber who is unrecognisable to anyone over 50. In another stroke of snarky irony, one of the reviewers ended their review with: “I’m bored. Who are you? No riz.”
Dairy Fine Dark Chocolate, 180g, $3.29 ($1.83 per 100g), available at Aldi
Score: 5.5/10
There were plenty of products that scored worse than Dairy Fine, but this is the only chocolate I’d recommend avoiding, regardless of your preference. It’s not horrific – it has some nutty, brown sugar-like flavours and a soft, easy-melt texture some reviewers enjoyed. There’s just no situation where it’s the best option. It’s the chocolate version of an orange cordial, the point of buying it isn’t orange flavour, that’s barely noticeable, the point is the price and the sugar hit, but in this case, there’s a way better option (Choceur) at a similar price and if it’s just the sugar you’re after, what are you doing in the dark chocolate section?
Koko Black Step Into the Dark, 90g, $13.90 ($15.44 per 100g), available at select grocers
Score: 5/10
One of the biggest surprises for me, someone who’s spent exorbitant amounts of money buying and making high-quality chocolate, was how poorly high-end products scored. I’d assumed high prices meant better quality cocoa, better recipes and better makers, but, with the exception of Godiva, high prices were met with low scores. Most reviewers criticised this for being not chocolatey enough or a little weird. A couple incorrectly guessed it was flavoured with additives, which it wasn’t, and a few thought it might be a dietary product, with coconut and/or chickpea used as a substitute (they were not). Funnily, one reviewer wrote, “cheap, easter egg-like”.
Pico Super Dark, 80g, $8.50 ($10.63 per 100g), available at major supermarkets
Score: 2.5/10
Before I write anything mean, a disclaimer: my aim was to avoid including chocolates with more than 80% cocoa, as the extremely high bitterness puts them into a different category, but the only unflavoured dark chocolate Pico sells is this one (I included other 80%-plus chocolates as a bonus round for comparison). Now with that out of the way, this sucked. Some reviewers said it tasted waxy and medicinal, while others likened it to various car fuels. One taster said it reminded them of “worm medication you used to have as a kid”. As someone who always thought Pico relied overly on good branding, I found this affirming.
Products cut for brevity
Old Gold 70% Cocoa 7/10
Hachez Cocoa d’Arriba 77% 6.5/10
Simon Coll 50% Cacao 6/10
Lindt Smooth Blend 70% Cocoa Mild Dark 5.5/10
Ritter Sport Dark Chocolate 50% 5.5/10
Vanini Fondente 86% Dark Chocolate 5.5/10
Moser Roth Organic 71% Cocoa Dark Chocolate 5.5/10
