Greta
@gnoopmogg
Scott Morrison
Marco Pierre White
“Parachute” by Timomatic
Kelsey
@big_ol_onion_booty)
barking dog bloke from A Current Affair
Lee Lin Chin
à la our current GG David Hurley
Abbie Chatfield
Lucinda Froomes
“Good Night” by
Reece Mastin
Home and Away
Puberty Blues
Charlie
@cheesecrackerman
Seeing as our money is copping a face-lift in the wake of Queen Elizabeth II‘s death
Will “Egg Boy” Connolly
Fraser Anning
scrambled himself by commenting rogue shit on Joe Rogan’s Instagram
sharing COVID-19 testing misinformation
Goggle Box icon Di Kershaw
telly shows of yore.
Without further ado, I present to you the opposite of democracy manifest. Rather, it’s democracy TikTokifest. Does that make sense? I don’t know. I have COVID-19 and am possibly going delirious.
Our first prime ministerial candidate () has quite a solid array of election promises.
First things first, that truly bizarre LOL soft drink would be coming back but, this time, it would include a bit of grog. Greta didn’t specify how exactly LOL would become alcoholic, however, I’m predicting a shot or two of voddy in it would go down a treat.
Next, former PM would be subject to annual public humiliation. Again, no details given but I believe this one is relatively self-explanatory. I’m imagining an annual cooking competition in which he goes up against, like, to prepare a meal.
Lastly, would become the new Australian national anthem. ‘Nuff said!
Next up is ( who, dare I say it, has really encapsulated what the people want through her election promises.
Jewellery store Lovisa would either be banned or 100 per cent self-service, which are both fair options IMO. There’s a certain degree of chaos in that store which doesn’t bring me joy.
Federal Cabinet would be welcoming myriad familiar faces. That would become Australia’s new Secretary of Defence while would be elected Governor-General. Praying she wouldn’t make her dinner guests sing “You Are My Sunshine” before they dig in to their meals .
would take the top job and knock Albanese off his prime ministerial throne and would be her Deputy. Nothing but respect for my prime ministers, et cetera.
On the food front, Mamee Monster Noodle Snacks would be reinstated nationwide and, look, I thought these babies were already running wild and free in snack food aisles across Australia. But alas, I still support the proposition.
would replace “Advance Australia Fair” as the national anthem. Titomatic, you have some competition babes.
would go down the gurgler and, obviously, would be revived. It’s high time we brought “got any vaso?” back into the Australian vernacular.
Finally, we have () who has put forth an impeccable array of promises. Truly ate, devoured and left no crumbs.
Obviously, legislation would be passed so that Centrelinks across the country received makeovers and became less fuggo. I think a nice mid-century modern fit out would be quite delightful.
The Cadbury Creme Egg McFlurry would be available every single bloody day of the year and, while we’re on the topic of food things, the McCain logo would be on all our coins. , I think this change is particularly timely.
In terms of public holidays, the day slapped an egg on noted dickhead ‘s dome would become a national holiday. In case you were wondering when the blessed event took place, it was March 16, 2019 — some two years before Egg Boy , and also for .
would be resurrected and, finally, Perth would be obliterated to smithereens. As someone who has lived in the beautiful city her entire life, whilst I understand why poor ol’ Perth would be targeted by such a violent campaign, you best believe I’d be defending the fuck out of it.
Time to hit the polling booths and decide who you want to lead the country. I’m leaning towards Charlie, minus the annihilating Perth bit.
The post Aussie TikTokers Are Sharing All The Deeply Iconic Shit They’d Do If They Were PM & Sign Me TF Up appeared first on PEDESTRIAN.TV .
