Grandparents interfering with parenting is nothing new. Many parents feel that they can still chime in on the decisions of their adult children. They can criticize everything from what the child is wearing to what they’re eating for dinner. And while being involved in your grandkid’s life is a sign of a healthy family, there are certain boundaries.
Sometimes, adult children are not afraid to stand up to their parents and draw the line. Some do it calmly and constructively. Others choose a less subtle way. Like this mom, who decided to roast her mother a little bit for criticizing her son’s long hair. Shortly after, however, she started wondering whether her response was too harsh, so she decided to check in with folks online.
Boys with long hair are still a novelty to some people, even in the year of our lord 2024
Image credits: TatyanaOt / Envato (not the actual photo)
Fed up with hearing insults about her son’s appearance from her Mormon mother, this woman decided to clap back using religion
Image credits: YuriArcursPeopleimages / Envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: indigeniusbabe
Parents should allow children to make decisions about what their hair looks like
Kids can make questionable fashion choices. They might want to wear their wizard costume to bed. Others might want to watch their sibling’s theater performance in their hockey uniform. As hair is a big part of our identity, it’s natural for kids to want to express themselves through a haircut (or lack thereof).
When it comes to older kids and adolescents, parents should allow their children to express themselves this way. Clinical Psychologist Dr. Laura Kaster told Parents that encouraging children might be their best bet. “Parents control so much of their children’s lives that they should rejoice in having hair as a safe realm in which they can support body autonomy,” she explained.
Hair can be about many things: self-expression, gender exploration, and rebellion. Yet, at the end of the day, it’s just hair. It grows back if you cut it, and it can be cut if it’s overgrown. Ultimately, allowing children to have autonomy over their appearance is about creating a safe space where they can express themselves freely.
“You, as a parent, are modeling your trust in your child’s choices, your unconditional acceptance of them, and encouragement of their individual expression of self, Therapist Dr. Courtney Glickman says. “Parenting beyond the binary provides [an] opportunity for children to explore who they are versus who society tells them they should be.”
People who are against kids looking out of the norm, like the grandmother in this story, often have internal biases and certain beliefs about gender. Glickman warns that trying to control or prohibit a child’s hairstyle can lead to gender dysphoria. “Try to reflect on how damaging it can be for a child to be pressured to bend toward conformity rather than feeling accepted as themselves,” she added.
Grandparents should question the methods they used as parents
Perhaps, as some commenters pointed out, it’s not about the grandma’s Mormonism, but it’s simply about her old-school views on gender, masculinity, and femininity. The advice blog for grandparents More Than Grand writes that instead of criticizing the parenting style of their adult children, they should support them.
According to a survey from the Pew Research Center, parenting today is objectively harder. Modern parents don’t only think about their child’s safety. They invest time and effort into their mental health as well. Parenting is also harder for women nowadays. Research shows that working women spend as much time with their children as mothers in the 1970s did.
Grandparents should accept that, ultimately, they don’t know best. Their approaches to parenting might be going out of style or completely obsolete today. Experts now say different things about spanking, the clean plate club, or ignoring tantrums. Forced eating, for example, might result in a child developing an eating disorder later in life.
Most arguments between parents and grandparents stem from the fact that grandparents refuse to look up updated recommendations on modern parenting strategies. More Than Grand recommends grandparents learn more about modern parenting. “Talk to parents about what’s important to them, and be open minded about new trends like gender-neutral parenting.”
Some people gushed over the woman’s inventive wordplay
Others thought her response was too judgmental
And others called her out for being plain insensitive
