Social media creator, coach, and creator of the five-hour morning routine Ashton Hall has finally dropped his night routine for all of the boy-bosses who want to level up their day.
If you somehow missed it, Hall went viral last week for his frankly bonkers morning routine that featured a 3:52am alarm, mouth tape, banana peel facials, and enough Saratoga water to bankrupt a small town.
The viral video spawned countless spoofs, reactions and news stories, and had us all eagerly awaiting this king to drop his night routine — which is exactly what he did.
The night routine has already racked up 11.3 million views on TikTok alone, while the morning routine sits at a cool and normal 20.2 million. If you combined all of those watch hours, you’d probably be on-par with how long it takes Ashton to get ready every day.
After spending five and a half hours getting ready for the day, Hall doesn’t actually have that much time to do whatever it is he actually does for work before his evening routine begins at precisely 5:02pm.
After spending 20 minutes in an ice bath (which feels like more time than Jack lasted in the water in Titanic), it takes him four whole minutes to get out of the tub before entering his actual bath for the evening.
Presumably in an effort to make up for the time he wasted getting dry between his two consecutive baths, Hall eats dinner in the tub. You know, efficiency.
He then takes a phone call from his very fancy balcony, in which he says that “temptation lives late at night” before telling the mystery caller to lock in because “tomorrow, we gotta do at least ten thousand.”
At this point I must stress that I still don’t know what it is that he needs to do ten thousand of. Hall’s job appears to be coaching coaches, which explains the mountain of hustle culture/grindset/boy boss posting, but I can’t help but imagine that he is coaching coaches who coach coaches who coach coaches in some sort of infinite loop of coaching. But hey, who am I to judge? I am not doing ten thousand of anything.
After bathtime dinner, Hall eats a banana and again proceeds to rub the peel all over his face. While social media users have dubbed this “nature’s botox”, experts have noted that the benefits of a banana peel facial are “extremely limited“.
He then brushes his teeth in a pretty normal fashion, before rinsing and water flossing with bottled Saratoga water. Despite all of the product placement, both routines were not sponsored by the brand — which shills water for US$8.78 for 828mL.
Then he tapes his nose and mouth, reads the Bible, sets his multiple morning alarms, and by 7:34pm is ready for bed.
Now I am all for a healthy self-care routine, but when you’re spending a whole eight hours every day following a stringent morning and night routine for a day that only lasts seven and a half hours, what is even the point?
Hall’s social media presence promises that “you can reinvent your entire life in 1 year” and while I don’t disagree, I have to ask: at what cost?
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