Nick Ames was at the Emirates. His report is in. Thanks for reading this MBM.
Roy Hodgson talks to TNT. “It’s very tough … obviously the first two goals, the corner kicks, we can be a bit aggrieved about that because there was a potential foul in both of those … until the last 10, 15 minutes, at 3-0 we were staying in the game … of course the last two goals aggravate the score enormously and make everything look even worse than it was … we deserved to lose the game because we played against a much better team … we stuck at it … the last two goals lend a suggestion that we didn’t stick at it and that’s unfortunate … games tend to [unravel] if you’re 3-0 down and especially if you make substitutions and the players we put on are young or without experience … obviously I should be more careful and protect the 3-0 … we’re going through a very bad spell … we were hoping to kick on and that’s not happened … fans are always entitled to their opinions … they care and want to see a strong Palace team … today they were entitled to make their opinions felt … but I’m afraid there are times when we look at it from our position, the team and myself, and what more can we do with the people that we’re trying to put on the field … it’s not always that easy … managers always take the full brunt of it … it makes me feel a bit sad and disappointed because I feel we’re doing the best job we could possibly do … but I’m a manager of a football club that isn’t in a very good position so everything that happens to managers in that position will happen to me … first we’ve got to stay in the league … success will also be getting back to the type of football I know we can play … but we have to get some of the players back who help us enormously … the people who make decisions about whether we can bring more players in will have seen the game today … they will have seen the situation we find ourselves in … it’s not easy and I can only hope they succeed in their mission.”
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Mikel Arteta speaks to TNT. “The positivity we had from the beginning … I had a really good feeling the last ten days about the team … they really wanted it and I could feel that … we had a clean sheet and five goals that we really needed … Gabriel opening the game up really helped us … we exploited that really well … we work on everything … we have to control and dominate every phase of play … if you want to be the best team in the world, you have to be the best at everything that you do … we can still do better and will continue to work … we have the second half of the season to play for everything and we are going to go for it … we will try our best.”
He also reports that Declan Rice was “feeling a sensation in his hamstring”.
Bukayo Saka talks to TNT. “It was important, first things first, to win the points … the early goal was nice and calmed us … it was nice to have the break … we weren’t in the best form before that … we sharpened all of our tools … we’re happy with our performance … I’ll be honest, I needed [the break], it was nice … we’re all refreshed mentally and physically and we’re all hungry … going out of the FA Cup really hurt me … I’m sure it hurt the boys and the fans … we’ll use that to really push in the Premier League and Champions League … we can have the next ten days to refocus.”
Gabriel Martinelli tells TNT Sport: “It was a brilliant performance from the team … we needed a game like that … we know our quality and we believe in ourselves … we showed what we can do … we will try our best and keep going, because we know our potential.”
That’s a statement victory by Arsenal, who are in this title race all right! They move up to third place, level on points with Manchester City. But it’s nothing short of a disaster for Roy Hodgson. Already under pressure, his team have been utterly outplayed this afternoon, and he stands stock still, staring at the banner held up by his own fans eviscerating the state of Crystal Palace right now. He looks emotional. His team remain in 14th spot, but they’re only five points better off than Luton Town, who have a game in hand. They’ve got too much talent to get themselves involved in a relegation battle … but we’ve all heard that one before. Palace are not in a good place at all.
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Liverpool | 20 | 25 | 45 |
| 2 | Man City | 20 | 25 | 43 |
| 3 | Arsenal | 21 | 22 | 43 |
| 4 | Aston Villa | 21 | 16 | 43 |
| 5 | Tottenham Hotspur | 21 | 13 | 40 |
FULL TIME: Arsenal 5-0 Crystal Palace
Arsenal clear out their pipes in style! As for Palace, Les Dawson budges up the piano stool to make room for Spike Milligan.
GOAL! Arsenal 5-0 Crystal Palace (Martinelli 90+5)
Arsenal come back immediately for more. Martinelli is once again sent bombing down the inside-left channel. He executes a carbon-copy finish. That, too, is delightful!
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GOAL! Arsenal 4-0 Crystal Palace (Martinelli 90+4)
Imagine the look on their faces now. Nketiah dribbles down the middle before slipping a perfectly weighted pass down the inside-left channel. Martinelli opens his body and steers a gentle shot across Henderson and into the bottom right. Precise brilliance.
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90 min +3: In the stand, Palace owner Steve Parish sits with a face on. In the dugout, Roy Hodgson looks similarly fed up.
90 min +2: Another reads: “No shared vision. No structured plan.”
90 min +1: A banner in the Palace section is unfurled. It reads: “Wasted potential on and off the pitch. Weak decisions. Taking us backwards.”
90 min: There will be six added minutes.
89 min: Martinelli tugs a low cross back from the byline on the left. ZInchenho flips a shot goalwards while falling backwards. Soft and easy for Henderson.
87 min: Another Palace change. Tomkins comes on for Guehi.
86 min: Martinelli and Zinchenko combine down the left. Twice. They take turns to cross low, in the hope of finding Odegaard in the middle. On both occasions, Andersen reads the danger and clears.
85 min: Martinelli buzzes up and down the left flank, but to no avail. He’s looked lively since coming on, though.
83 min: Franca spins Zinchenko elegantly and prepares to race towards the Arsenal box from the right flank. But the flag goes up for a generous foul. On the touchline, Roy Hodgson wears a frustrated look. He’s been playing all the right notes, but not necessarily in the right order.
81 min: Arsenal’s sort-of-two-goal hero Gabriel limps off, to be replaced by Kiwior. Jesus also makes way, for Nketiah.
80 min: … except to say that Martinelli romps off on a counter, only to scamper down a cul-de-sac. For a second, a fourth goal looked on the cards.
79 min: It’s not been a banner minute for Jorginho, who now ships possession 30 yards from his own goal. Eze and Ozoh combine to win a corner, from which nothing develops.
78 min: Jorginho takes a shot that is currently sailing over the platforms at Finsbury Park.
76 min: Roy Hodgson sends on a couple of youngsters in Franca and Ahamada. They replace Schlupp and Clyne.
75 min: Saka rakes a shot over the bar from the edge of the box. Arsenal are in the mood for more.
74 min: Smith Rowe and Jesus combine crisply down the inside-left channel but Richards is on point to put a stop to their spree.
73 min: Mikel Arteta is in squad-management mode now. He replaces Rice with Jorginho.
71 min: Martinelli is immediately in the thick of it, romping down the left. He’s got options in the middle, but over-dribbles and runs out of road. Goal kick.
70 min: Martinelli replaces Trossard … and to huge cheers, Smith Rowe is welcomed to the match. Havertz makes way. The Arsenal fans telling it as they see it.
68 min: Palace swap out Hughes for Ozoh.
66 min: Andersen crosses from the left. The ball’s cushioned down for Schlupp, who scuffs a decent half-chance. “If Roy was billing a 20s jazz revival today with his self-playing piano, he’s found his perfect flapper in Henderson.” Justin Kavanagh, ladies and gentlemen. He’s here all week. Try the opium.
64 min: Eze whistles a fierce free kick goalwards. It’s well hit, but straight at Raya, who tips over. The resulting corner is sent long, and Hughes attempts to Paul Scholes a volley goalwards. Blocked, but full marks for ambition.
63 min: Eze shapes to shoot on the edge of the Arsenal box, then pauses to buy a free kick from Jesus, who clatters him from behind. A free kick just to the left of the D.
61 min: VAR has a long check for offside, but Trossard was clearly on. When play finally restarts, Arsenal come tearing at Palace again, Jesus slamming a shot straight at Guehi, who bravely blocks. Then the flag goes up; this move’s offside.
GOAL! Arsenal 3-0 Crystal Palace (Trossard 59)
It’s another Arsenal goal from a corner … though this time it’s from one of Crystal Palace’s! The corner ends up in Raya’s arms. He immediately sends Jesus scampering on the counter down the right. Jesus crosses for Trossard, who takes a touch on the spot to send Clyne sliding away, before slamming home.
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58 min: There’s some pinball in the box. Jesus goes down and screams for a spot kick. Clyne had lightly tugged him, but not in the manner suggested by Jesus’s melodramatic fall. The referee’s not interested. Neither is VAR. Eze goes up the other end and wins a corner. From which …
57 min: Arsenal suddenly pick up their legs and Jesus shoots from a tight angle on the right. Corner for Arsenal, which surely means more trouble for Palace.
56 min: Now it’s Arsenal’s turn to knock the ball around without any particular urgency.
54 min: Arsenal seem happy enough to sit back, hold their shape, and let Palace stroke it around. The visitors are going nowhere fast. “With not much end product coming from Trossard, no one getting shots on target and Havertz doing being Havertz all over again, surely it’s time for Smith Rowe to get some decent time?” wonders Charles Antaki. “Otherwise those cold Arctic winds will start to blow in the unmistakable out-on-loan fashion.”
52 min: Eze tries to release Mitchell into the Arsenal box down the left, but his slide-rule pass is anticipated by the back-tracking Saka and shepherded out for a goal kick.
50 min: Jesus breaks down the right and crosses low for Trossard, alone on the penalty spot. Trossard should score, but with Dawsonesque comic timing, miskicks woefully. Henderson claims. Saka also makes a claim, demanding a penalty for a garden-variety coming together with Hughes. He’s not getting one.
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49 min: Eze has a crack from distance. The ball’s bouncing towards the bottom-left corner, so Raya is forced to turn around the post. The keeper then claims Eze’s corner. “The thing about Les Dawson’s piano playing is that it took a great deal of musicianship and technical skill to set up a tune, before playing the bum note just at the right time for maximum comedic value,” writes Tom Atkins. “So if anything, it’s more akin to Arsenal’s finishing over the last three or four weeks.”
47 min: Arsenal are immediately on the front foot. Saka wins a corner down the right. Gabriel wins a header but can’t complete his hat-trick score his second goal. The ball breaks to Rice, whose long-distance speculator flies straight down Henderson’s throat.
Arsenal get the second half underway … and it’s now announced that we were correct in the first place, with the second goal officially given as a Dean Henderson own goal.
Arsenal’s second goal has been awarded to Gabriel. That decision should please Kári Tulinius, who writes: “Morally speaking the goal should be Gabriel’s. I realise it’s not the worst way that the betting industry affects football, but it’s pretty galling to assign goalkeepers own goals when the ball pings off them while they’re attempting a save.”
HALF TIME: Arsenal 2-0 Crystal Palace
Easy for Arsenal. The Crystal Palace piano has been commandeered by the spirit of Les Dawson.
45 min +2: Jesus wedges in from the left. Trossard meets the dropping ball and sends a rising screamer over the bar. Wide also. He wants a corner but he’s not getting one.
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45 min +1: Lerma takes a step in from the left and aims a curler towards the bottom right. Raya claims, although not in a totally clean fashion. A mistake or two in him, all right.
45 min: There will be four additional first-half minutes.
44 min: Lerma’s had his neck checked out, and thankfully he’s up and about again. He’s good to continue.
43 min: Lerma has landed awkwardly after leaping backwards over the top of Jesus. On comes the trainer.
41 min: The free kick’s looped to Zinchenko at the far post. He takes it down and flicks goalwards. Clyne bravely heads clear. Palace counter, Schlupp’s shot from distance dribbling through to Raya.
40 min: Jesus dribbles down the right. Mitchell tangles with him and brings him down. A free kick just outside the box near the byline. The way Palace have defended corners, this could mean trouble.
39 min: Gabriel might claim that goal, mind. The stadium announcer has certainly given him it. We’ll keep you posted. Palace weren’t happy, suggesting Henderson was unfairly impeded by White. But VAR took a check, and that’s that.
GOAL! Arsenal 2-0 Crystal Palace (Henderson 37 og)
Saka swings it in, and swings it in long. The ball loops over Henderson, who can’t get past White. At the far stick, Gabriel heads down and across the face of goal, the ball pinging off the back of Henderson’s noggin and in.
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36 min: Saka and Odegaard combine down the right to win a corner off Mitchell. Saka to take.
35 min: Jesus takes matters into his own hands and dribbles down the left. He draws a foul from Lerma. Now it’s Arsenal’s turn for a free kick in a dangerous position. Everyone lines up on the edge of the box, waiting for Odegaard’s delivery. In it goes. Mitchell heads clear.
34 min: Eze’s corner delivery is useless. Arsenal are letting Palace back into this game, though.
33 min: Raya scuffs a simple clearance straight to Lerma, who takes a touch and pearls a shot from 25 yards towards the top-left corner. Raya makes up for his error by palming the half-volley around the post.
32 min: Eze belts the free kick straight into the Arsenal wall, but the ball breaks to Clyne, whose wild low fizzer nearly drops to Mateta, alone on the penalty spot. Mateta can’t control, though, and the chance is gone. Had Mateta trapped and scored, VAR might have had to get the old ruler out, but that’s all moot now.
31 min: … so having just said that, Eze dribbles into a pocket of space down the middle and is caught by Rice’s long, late, lazy leg. A free kick in a very dangerous central position, 25 yards out.
29 min: Rice looks for Saka down the right but his raking pass sails through to Henderson. Arsenal have taken their foot off the pedal, and so there’s not much going on right now. Palace are offering nothing.
27 min: Trossard cuts in from the left and has a whack. Blocked at source.
26 min: The pace drops. The Emirates a happy and mellow place right now.
24 min: Mateta catches Gabriel flush in the face with a flailing arm. Arsenal not completely happy. The referee deems it accidental, and replays suggest that’s about right. Again, we play on.
23 min: Havertz collapses like a sack of spuds, hoping to win a penalty. Two problems: the nearby Andersen didn’t touch him, and Havertz nearly catches the ball with both arms while going down. We play on.
22 min: From the resulting corner, Gabriel heads harmlessly wide right. Arsenal scent blood. A second goal in short order, and this could become a very long afternoon for Palace.
21 min: Some fine work from Schlupp, who spins into space down the right before switching play to Mitchell on the left. But Mitchell’s cross sails straight to Raya, who launches Arsenal on the immediate counter. Saka makes good down the right and crosses, forcing Richards into an intervention. The Palace midfielder nearly plants a clearance in the top-right corner. Inches wide of his own goal.
19 min: A lot of 50-50 tussling as Palace attempt to fight their way into the match. The game turns a bit scrappy as a result.
17 min: Jesus launches an energetic one-man press, spooking Richards then Hughes, then finally Henderson, who shanks a clearance straight out of play. Arsenal’s returning hero looks well up for this.
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16 min: Gabriel does his job at the other end of the pitch, heading clear another floated Eze free kick.
14 min: Another Arsenal corner, this time from the right, and it’s nearly another goal. Saka hoicks it into the mixer. Lerma gets himself into a flap, and heads back towards his own goal, the ball pinging off the top-left junction of post and bar. Palace all over the shop here.
13 min: That’ll come as a huge relief for Arsenal, who could have got nervous if they made a slow start. On the touchline, Mikel Arteta wears the delighted expression of a man offered a juicy forkful of well-seasoned cow.
GOAL! Arsenal 1-0 Crystal Palace (Gabriel 11)
Rice swings the corner in long. Gabriel rises at the far stick, high above Richards, and plants a downwards header into the net. Simple as that!
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10 min: Some space for Trossard down the left. He wins a corner off Clyne, and …
9 min: It’s all Arsenal. Smooth passing up until the final third, at which point things break down. Shades of the FA Cup defeat to Liverpool. Arsenal will hope the same pattern isn’t developing.
7 min: Arsenal are on top. Havertz cushions a header down for Jesus, who leans back and slices a wild effort over the bar.
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5 min: Zinchenko crosses from the left. Richards doesn’t get any purchase on his clearing header and the ball drops to Odegaard on the penalty spot. A good chance, but the Arsenal captain dig the ball out from under his feet and Palace eventually clear their lines.
3 min: Eze launches a long free kick into the Arsenal box. Andersen wins a header but can only send the ball floating harmlessly wide right and out for a goal kick.
2 min: White, quarterbacking from deep, attempts to find Saka with a sliderule pass down the inside-right channel. Too strong. Henderson gathers.
Palace get the ball rolling. “If dear old Roy did actually compare his team to a self-playing piano (and would the MBM ever lie, fantasise or spin from whole cloth?) then he goes up another notch in the national treasure stakes,” begins Charles Antaki. “Mikel Arteta is always going to be hampered in that contest, but his recent unmentionable, let’s-pretend-it-never-happened culinary embarrassment adds a further drag on his prospects. But redemption beckons, Mikel! A five-nil win, playing the sparkly football, please, and S*** B** will be forgotten (if not actually forgiven).”
The teams are out! Arsenal are in their famous red shirts with white sleeves; Palace sport their third-choice black kit. Both teams are playing their first Premier League match of 2024, three weeks into the new year, and their long wait is nearly over.
Mikel Arteta, in a very smiley mood this afternoon, speaks to TNT. “We recharged and re-energised and have been very clear with each other about what to expect … to attack the second half of the season with energy and enthusiasm because it’s a beautiful part of the season … we have to earn the right to win and perform … we are really excited to get back playing … [scoring goals] is the hardest thing in football but I believe a lot in my players … I am a very positive person … we have to enjoy what we do … we have been doing so well and we have to continue to believe.”
| Pos | Team | P | GD | Pts |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 1 | Liverpool | 20 | 25 | 45 |
| 2 | Man City | 20 | 25 | 43 |
| 3 | Aston Villa | 21 | 16 | 43 |
| 4 | Arsenal | 20 | 17 | 40 |
| 5 | Tottenham Hotspur | 21 | 13 | 40 |
Roy ‘Jelly Roll’ Hodgson talks to TNT Sports. “[The FA Cup replay at Everton] was a little bit of a dress rehearsal to some extent for this game … no team suits you in this fixture because they’re better than most teams they play against and we’re no exception to that rule … defensively we’re going to have to be very good to keep them at bay … on Wednesday night we played Eze for 60 minutes and that wen’t quite well … now it’s important to get Michael Olise back … coming back last year for those ten games, I loved that, it was the self-playing piano … but now the self-playing piano has cracked up and we’ve had to work hard to get any tune out of it … I’m still looking forward to the last part of the season when I think we’ll be a stronger team.”
Arsenal make four changes to the starting XI named for the 2-0 FA Cup loss to Liverpool. David Raya, Oleksandr Zinchenko, Gabriel Jesus and Leandro Trossard come in for Aaron Ramsdale, Jakub Kiwior, Jorginho and Reiss Nelson, all of whom drop to the bench.
Palace make two changes to the team that started the 1-0 FA Cup defeat at Everton. Dean Henderson and Jean-Philippe Mateta return, with Sam Johnstone and Odsonne Édouard dropping to the bench.
The teams
Arsenal: Raya, White, Saliba, Gabriel, Zinchenko, Odegaard, Rice, Havertz, Saka, Gabriel Jesus, Trossard.
Subs: Ramsdale, Smith Rowe, Martinelli, Nketiah, Kiwior, Cedric, Jorginho, Nelson, Walters.
Crystal Palace: Henderson, Clyne, Andersen, Guehi, Mitchell, Lerma, Richards, Eze, Hughes, Mateta, Schlupp.
Subs: Johnstone, Tomkins, Matheus Franca, Edouard, Ebiowei, Ahamada, Riedewald, Adaramola, Ozoh.
Referee: Paul Tierney (Lancashire).
Preamble
Arsenal. Yes!
Crystal Palace. Check!
Kick-off at 12.30pm GMT. It's on!
