It is a truth universally acknowledged that you would only wish for a noisy, light-up toy to end up under the tree for your worst enemy’s child.
Argos has decided to give every parent of small boys the Christmas from hell this year, with its festive promo slot dedicated to an extremely loud plastic T-Rex – Chad Valley Trevor Talk Back Dino to give him his full title.
The Rockstar TV slot begins with a CGI Trevor, aka Trev, stood on a mountain of amps, slamming on his guitar to the chorus of 20th Century Boy by T. Rex. Confusingly, Trev is dressed like Slash from Guns ‘n’ Roses, complete with a wee top hat. The crowd is made up entirely of terrifying blond dolls bopping along and, in absolutely terrible concert etiquette, filming the gig on their phones.
But wait, it’s all a dream! Luckily for aspiring noisemaker Trev, his pal Connie has got him a nice branded Marshall speaker for Christmas. It’s a sort of sweet message about, I don’t know, fostering children’s imaginations. But mainly the message from Argos this Christmas is: buy your children these toys. Adverts are, after all, expressly here to sell you things.
I’m not sure anyone will be buying these surprisingly reductive ideas about gender, however.
Trev gets to be extremely noisy with light-up eyes and a “talk back function”. Connie, the endlessly replicated fangirl in the dream crowd, is known by her full name DesignaFriend Connie Fashion Designer Doll. According to her description, she “one day dreams of owning her own sustainable fashion label”. She also has lots of friends who are also dolls that come with their own outfits, presumably so you can collect them all.
With her blond hair and huge, vacant eyes she recalls the homicidal AI-powered doll from M3GAN, so perhaps it is a blessing that she is entirely analog. But boys getting to be noisy rockstars and girls getting to be silent fashion plates is something of a 20th-century idea of what it is to be a boy or a girl. Also, if you’re going to invoke bisexual icon Mark Bolan – Elton John’s “perfect pop star” – where are the feather boas and slinky outfits?
At least Argos’s customers seem to think that Trev is a gender neutral terror, and he’s got an impressive 4.7 star rating. “My granddaughter loved his weird noises,” writes one. “This wee guy has given our two year old granddaughter endless fun and giggles,” says another.
For just £10, you too can give the gift of a toy that yells this Christmas. Batteries not included – unless the recipient’s parents are on your naughty list.
