How did the crab get out of prison? And why did the crab get bad grades?
The answers to these conundrums and other clawsome jokes were among the competitors for the inaugural World’s Funniest Crab Joke competition, held by the Crab Museum in Margate to celebrate International Crab Day.
The winning gag, submitted by an anonymous joker, was: “Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t. It used the sidewalk.”
An expert panel of judges, including the comedians Harry Hill, Rose Matafeo, Sally Phillips and Phil Wang, as well as children from Ramsgate Arts primary school, scored their favourite jokes before the totals were tallied and a winner crowned.
The only rules of the contest were that the jokes should be kept PG, and that lobsters could be mentioned in the setup of the joke, but not the “pinchline”.
Organisers said that, although most of the 700 submissions did abide by the rules, several jokes “were disqualified for scientific inaccuracy, and rather a lot for lewdness”.
In an unexpected sideways move, the crabs themselves picked the winner from the four jokes ranked highest by the judges, with the help of some tinned fish in bait bags and rolled-up pieces of paper with the jokes written on them.
The twist on the classic road-crossing formula proved triumphant, and was followed in second by another variation on a classic: “Man walks into a restaurant with a crab under his arm and says, ‘Do you make crab cakes?’ Manager answers, ‘Yes, we do.’ ‘Good,’ says the man, ‘because it’s his birthday.’”
Third place was awarded jointly to: “Why didn’t the crab help the chicken cross the road? Because it was eaten by a pelican crossing,” and: “What format do you have to save photos of crab soup on to? Floppy bisque.”
A Crab Museum spokesperson said the organisers hoped the contest might inspire people into environmental activism: “The quality and quantity of jokes this year has been astounding. We’ve been pinching ourselves since the submissions closed! That said, laughing at jokes, much like learning about crabs, can be a powerful tool to help us reassess our relationship with our environment. You’d be surprised how quickly you can go from chuckling at crab gags to letting down SUV tires. Whilst we may not have made this clear to our judges, it is in this spirit that the World’s Funniest Crab Joke competition has been organised.”
The museum, which opened in 2021 and claims to be “Europe’s first and only museum dedicated to the decapod”, aims to raise awareness of the often unheralded but incredibly diverse world of crabs.
“Crabs can teach us about biology, climate change, evolutionary history and much much more. But, with the right frame of mind, they can also teach us about ourselves,” said a spokesperson for the museum, which was founded by Bertie Suesat-Williams, his brother Ned Suesat-Williams and Chase Coley.
“This is why we created Crab Museum, to roll science, humour and philosophy into a unique and satisfyingly baffling day out.”
The museum’s award-winning social media presence was called “radical and unhinged” by Digital Culture Network.
The full shortlist of crab jokes
What do you call a red crab piggybacking another red crab all around the town? A double-decapod.
A horseshoe crab walks into a bar. “Why the ventral face?” the bartender asks. The crab replies: “Mind your own business and please tip a pint of lager and a packet of crisps on to the pub carpet.”
How did the crab get out of prison? It used its escape claws.
Why didn’t the crab help the chicken cross the road? Because it was eaten by a pelican crossing.
What did the sea urchin say to the crab? Please sir, can I have some claw?
What format do you have to save photos of crab soup on to? Floppy bisque.
A man walks into a restaurant with a crab under his arm and says: “Do you make crab cakes?” The manager answers: “Yes, we do.” “Good,” says the man, “because it’s his birthday.”
How do barnacles get around? A taxi crab.
Why did the crab cross the road? It didn’t. It used the sidewalk.
Why did the crab get bad grades? Because it was below C level.
