Get all your news in one place.
100’s of premium titles.
One app.
Start reading
Newsroom.co.nz
Newsroom.co.nz
Lifestyle
Victor Billot

An Ode to .. the vanquished

Justice Minister Andrew Little will leave Parliament as well as the government. Photo: Lynn Grieveson

Bard Billot bids bye-bye to those biffed out by the blue tide  

The Gates of Paradise

King’s Landing is fallen.

The House of Red is scattered, dispersed, exiled.

Taniwha Nanaia of the Nine Waters,

Lost Count Michael of the Roskill Mountains,

The Lorckaqueet,

Lord Whatsisname of Twyford,

Governess Tinetti of the Slough of Plenty:

All flown over the horizon.

Lord Andy the Little dabs in farewell

And gallops merrily into the sunset.

A battered rump lurk in the Dank Hills of Opposition,

Muttering darkly around smokey fires of wet twigs.

Meanwhile, an army of woad-daubed Orcs

Cavort in the Great Hall, drunk on power.

Can it possibly get worse?

Yes, it can get worse.

Minor and Obscure Baronet Dan Of Rosewarne,

Stripped of his complimentary flute of champagne,

Is ejected from the Isle of Koru by stern angels

And roughly deposited amongst the budget travellers

With a half-empty paper cup of flat lemonade.

The mists of legend close around poignant memories

Of the Legendary Koru Hour Buffet:

Of black pepper braised lamb shoulder with baby carrots,

Of ginger soy chicken with capsicum and spring onion,

Of the vegan option of sweet and sour tofu with edamame and sesame,

And the exquisite morello cherry tart with vanilla cream.

The Gates of Paradise are sealed.

Victor Billot has previously felt moved to write Odes for such luminaries as David Seymour, Nicola Willis, Chris Hipkins and Mike Hosking.

Sign up to read this article
Read news from 100’s of titles, curated specifically for you.
Already a member? Sign in here
Related Stories
Top stories on inkl right now
One subscription that gives you access to news from hundreds of sites
Already a member? Sign in here
Our Picks
Fourteen days free
Download the app
One app. One membership.
100+ trusted global sources.