Bard Billot on the boo-hoo shamer
Identity Crisis
In the Great Halls of Elfdom,
Peace and neurodiversity has reigned for a thousand years.
In the cloud forests of the Green Non-binary Unicorns,
Happy ewoks and other small creatures
Gambol in the sun dappled forest glades.
Beyond the Magic Walls of The Elfin Lands,
The Outside World is troubled by shadow.
Wild storms brew in the hot water of the oceans,
Posie Parker and her gruesome Orc army
Rampage through the Shire,
And great slurries of cow pats sluice
Down the once crystalline brooks of Te Wai Pounamu.
But these intimations of doom matter not today,
For today is the Day of the Green List Selection Process.
The ewoks and unicorns come together
And sit respectfully holding space in The Circle of Goodness.
But Lo! There is a grave disturbance in The Force.
Shock waves crash through the Luminiferous Ether
Which surrounds the gathering in ethereal glow.
The expressions of the gentle creatures crumple,
And eyes widen in disbelief, for throughout the chat groups
Rings out the damning indictment:
CRYBABY.
This is indeed an awkward moment.
The Shawrax attempts to crawl under his folding chair.
Lady Marama wonders how it might be possible
To blame cis white males for this outrage.
Meanwhile, Elf Princess Chloe and Purple Taniwha Elizabeth
Glare at each other from opposite ends of The Circle of Goodness
While the ewoks whimper and non-binary unicorns
crash land in flames all over the burning glade.
Thus ended the Thousand Years of Peace,
In the lush magical forests of the Green Realm.
Victor Billot has previously felt moved to write Odes for such luminaries as Jacinda Ardern, Tova O'Brien, Christopher Luxon, and Mike Hosking.
