Hello internet!
I’ve pulled over on the side of the Nullarbor to think about what I love about you. I’m in the middle of a two-month outback Australia comedy tour, so it’s nice to have a break from long drives and servo snacks (TBH there’s been a lot of dodgy bacon and egg toasties).
This task is made tricky given I have no reception. But let’s crack on.
What I love about you, internet, is that you are so honest and raw and flawed. You’re never trying to keep everyone happy (in fact sometimes you do the opposite). And in the flawed insanity of open access information and sharing, there are some pure hilarious moments … The following are my top 10.
1. Crazy Kid Runs Around With a Knife!!!!
It’s five seconds of perfect chaos. Sometimes when I’m driving, the memory of this kid running around the pool with a knife just pops into my brain and it makes me chuckle. I have so many questions. Why did he have a knife? Who was he chasing? Why was the mum instantly concerned? Who was in charge of cleaning the pool? I love that I’ll never know the answers.
2. Decoding number plates and letterboxes with Sam Campbell
This is my favourite joke ever. I haven’t met Sam yet, but one day I hope I do and I can thank him for putting this stupid thought into my brain.
3. Grace Harris smashing a six with a BROKEN BAT
As a cricket tragic there’s a lot of content on the internet that makes me laugh. Watching a bunch of uncoordinated community cricket players try to run out a fella in his 60s will always entertain me. But this video of Grace Harris breaking her bat hitting a six is legendary … she is a hero.
4. There’s a fucking goat outside!
My three-year-old has occasionally dropped the f-bomb and it’s so hard not to laugh. This kid nailed it. There’s a fucking goat outside. It’s the cutest, funniest, most wholesome thing and a true gift from the internet.
5. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his mini horse and donkey
Covid lockdown was a weird time for the internet but I distinctly remember seeing this health message from Arnold Schwarzenegger and laughing until I cried. Why does he have a miniature horse … he is a giant man … He probably carries the horse around like a chihuahua in a handbag. Why does he have a donkey inside his house … I don’t know. What I do know is the ageing Terminator and his weird farm animals gave me giggly comfort when the lockdowns started.
6. Fenton the Labrador
Fenton is a classic. I know the exact tone of voice this man is using as he tries to get his dog back. I have a golden retriever who is an expert at finding wild bread and will often run off and interrupt people’s picnics to deep throat a bread roll. They’re not bad dogs … just badly trained and hilarious.
7. When it’s time for the everything shower
Nicole is absolutely hilarious and her reels always get me. This one in particular is the perfect cross section of 90s cartoon nostalgia and the reality of postpartum hair loss. The everything shower is also very due for me ’cause I’ve been driving the Nullarbor in an old Commodore and I need a wash.
8. Morrison makes bizarre welding error
Maybe the stupidest thing I’ve seen a prime minister do and I was very proud it happened in the Northern Territory. Skip the news section and go right to the moment Scott Morrison lifts the mask off his face to see the weld better … it’s dangerous, it’s dumb and it’s so funny. Nothing like a power tool to humanise a politician.
9. Road work ahead? Uh yeah, I sure hope it does
Another five-second moment of internet glory. It’s comedy writing perfection. And as someone who spends a lot of time on road trips, I use this joke every time I see a “road work ahead” sign. It never gets old. Special mention to my best friend, Danielle, who reminded me about this pure fun internet moment.
10. Musicless music video: the Prodigy’s Firestarter
I have watched so many music videos without music because they always make me laugh! The Prodigy’s Firestarter in particular ’cause all the extra sound effects and noises are deranged. Add music, he’s cool AF; remove it … old mate is just wiggling around in the sewer. It’s silly, it’s fun.
Amy Hetherington is touring her new show Proud as Punch around regional Australia before the Melbourne International comedy festival (8-20 April). The tour includes 50 different locations so if she’s not coming to your town you should DM her on Instagram @amyhetherington
