Readers are advised this story discusses stillbirths and contains photos and other content that may be distressing to some people.
Collette Butler felt like a ghost of herself in the months after the stillbirth of her daughter Amelia.
Ms Butler had a straight-forward pregnancy and at 38 weeks and four days, she went into spontaneous labour.
"The midwives did an examination because I was requesting an epidural and they found that Amelia was actually in the breech position and they could feel her foot," Ms Butler said.
"They called for an emergency caesarean [section] pretty much straight away and within seconds her heart rate started to drop."
A code blue was called and Ms Butler was put under general anaesthetic so her baby with her husband, Nathan, could be delivered quickly.
Amelia was born with the umbilical cord around her neck and despite the best efforts of doctors, midwives and nurses, she could not be saved.
"I went into labour with Amelia and she passed away during that labour," Ms Butler said.
"That all happened very quickly."
That day was almost three years ago and Ms Butler, who is a nurse, now dedicates her time to helping empower other women going through pregnancy loss.
According to the Stillbirth Foundation, six babies are born still in Australia each day.
Ms Butler said it was a strange few weeks and months after losing Amelia.
"Here my husband and I are going into hospital, expecting to bring home a baby," Ms Butler said.
"We had our nursery and everything at home all set up, our car seat.
"In that first few weeks and months after, you picture what you were expecting to be doing, rather than what you're actually doing; which is you're home, without a child, we planned a funeral and we buried our daughter.
"It was a really strange few months of physically being in pain from grief and sadness, but also trying to figure out 'what do I do now?'
"I expected to have this identity as a mother, and yes I'm still a mother, but I don't have my child to care for, so this is where this all came into play.
"I needed something to drive myself and put that care back into."
Boxes to encourage stories
Ms Butler has just started gifting baby loss bundle boxes to the Launceston General Hospital, which will be given to parents going through loss to help bring them comfort and know they're not alone.
Included in the boxes will be keepsake items, loss resource booklet A Little Help — Feathers from Jack written by Ms Butler's friend Emily Judd, mugs, teabags, blankets and rainbows.
"My husband and I had Heartfelt organisation take photos of Amelia and that's the best thing that we were able to capture because now we can remember what she looked like forever," Ms Butler said.
She said there were wooden photo frames in the boxes.
"We have some hair curls of Amelia, so I've got a wooden curl box that you can use," she said.
Ms Butler said many of the things included in her boxes were about parents keeping their babies' memories alive.
"You'd see parents posting pictures of milestones with their babies like they slept through the night, or their first 12 months," she said.
"I wanted to encourage people to share their stories and be open about the fact that yes, their baby has passed but they still lived."
Ms Butler has also written a book called Still a Birth, which will be released in the next few months.
She also discusses miscarriages she has experienced since having Amelia.
"The aim for it in the beginning was just me debriefing and offloading how I was feeling," she said.
"I think now, it's just about raising awareness that it is OK to talk about babies that have passed away. It's OK to share your birth story, especially with other mums.
"Yes, they may have been able to bring their baby home, but we still have birth stories. I still have a labour journey and a pregnancy journey and Amelia still has a name and features."
Call for counsellors
Pregnancy Counselling and Support Tasmania has been helping families navigate loss since 1975, but at the end of June the service will close its doors.
The organisation's coordinator and senior counsellor Bridget Mathewson said it was not an easy decision but it did not have the volunteers to keep operating.
"Our traditional volunteer base have been young women or women who are new mums and they now need to go back out and pay the mortgage and they are no longer able to take time off work for what they would have done say 10 or 20 years ago," Ms Mathewson said.
"We're the only government service in Tasmania specifically funded for pregnancy or pregnancy loss.
"There are women support services out there and other sorts of services that provide similar support for pregnant women, but nothing specifically for it [in Tasmania], so it's going to leave a gap in the community support."
Ms Mathewson said increased government funding wouldn't help the current situation as it was still a struggle to find the workforce.
Ms Butler said she would love to see more counselling support services in Tasmania.
"We could have more counsellors or psychologists that specialise in birth trauma and birth loss," she said.
"It is challenging to find a psychologist that, one, potentially has that area of interest and, two, to actually be able to get into them."
Ms Butler said hospital environments for pregnancy loss could also be improved.
"The birthing room we went back to after I had Amelia is still within the birthing suite," she said.
"Yes, it's a bit of a distance between the postnatal wards, so you don't necessarily have the background noise of newborn babies crying but you're still quite close to the birthing environment.
"It would be nice if there was a separate access that was a little bit further away to the birthing area or the postnatal area."
