The need for speed has always fuelled Michael Bay’s work. That, along with a borderline-psychotic interest in explosions, sunsets, American flags and military know-how. All those elements are present and correct in this (disarming) doodle of a movie, shot during the pandemic.
Noble but hard-up ex-marine Will (Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) agrees to help his hot-headed, Mexican-mafia-connected adopted brother, Danny (Jake Gyllenhaal) with a heist that – d’urh! - goes wrong. Will is so loyal to his brother that he’s willing to shoot a cop but the brothers’ love for one another is repeatedly tested as they try to escape the SIS and FBI in a commandeered ambulance which happens to contains the aforementioned cop, plus a resourceful, cynical and beauteous paramedic, Cam (Eiza Gonzalez). Still with me?
The plot is all hairpin turns and anyone with a normal attention span will be driven mad within the first few minutes. Speaking of which, if you’ll permit a brief digression, a funny thing happened at the premiere. Bay was in attendance and decided that instead of jetting off to his next cool appointment, he’d watch Ambulance with the audience, like a regular guy. By the time he had this genius idea, the film had already started. Also, he had a few phone calls to make. So the film had to be stopped - and we just had to sit there, twiddling our popcorn - while he took care of business. Then the film began again. From the beginning. Clearly, the 57 year old director is the kind of man who has so many flunkeys that he thinks everyone is on his payroll.
And that he does stuff because, well, he can is obvious from Ambulance itself. Drones offer pointless povs. Pointless, that is, unless you’ve always wondered what LA looks like to a demented seagull. Bay’s a master, though, when it comes to whipping up tension on the ground. Cam’s attempt to remove a bullet from the cop’s gut is marvellously squelchy and an ambush featuring a dummy and a gatling gun is bodacious. Some of the jokes are clever and knowing and as for Gonzalez, this competent actress gets to keep her clothes on and avoid porny poses (unlike The Transformers’ Megan Fox, she of the permanently arched back). Meanwhile, Candyman’s Abdul-Mateen II shines. He was nothing more than a clothes horse in The Matrix Resurrections, but is hypnotically naturalistic as the pensive, conflicted Will.
There’s also a huge jowly dog called Nitro, who has charisma up the whazoo and doesn’t get the ending you might expect (this moral maze is full of intriguing dead ends).
Where does that leave Gyllenhaal?
“He starred in a Michael Bay movie called Ambulance” could be a caustic line from a song by Gyllenhaal’s ex, Taylor Swift. Jake used to be more famous than Tay Tay, but those days are gone. He now seems happy to play supporting roles in blockbusters (such as Spider-Man: Far from Home) and mooch along in anything else that comes along. Luckily for us, he’s a top-notch moocher and the B-movie he and Bay have cobbled together is genuinely diverting. Yep, once our sort of heroes get behind the wheel of that ambulance, a project that seemed destined for the sick-bay perks right up.
136mins, cert 15
