Her story Alix McAlister, 42, daughter
My mother has always been busy and curious. At 62 she decided to go and teach English in Rwanda and we threw a big farewell party for her. On the way home she was walking behind me when I heard a shout. I turned round and saw a man grappling for her handbag. He was extremely aggressive – afterwards we found out he was a drug addict. He threw her to the ground, where her head hit the kerb and ran off with her bag. She was out cold. Thankfully, help came quickly. If the ambulance had arrived five minutes later she would have died.
She was in a coma for three weeks. Everything seemed to come down to the next minute, the next hour. I felt impotent, but would sit by Mum’s bed and talk to her. When she did come round, her eyes were unflinching, like a baby’s. I didn’t know how much of her personality and memory would come back. In the end, only the three months prior to her injury were lost.
My life changed completely. I had been living in Portugal and chose to come back and be her primary carer. I was with her 24 hours for four days a week, then my three siblings did one day each. It’s incredible to watch someone regain everything. For almost two years her voice was monotone and slightly robotic, which was very disconcerting. It didn’t seem like her. But she kept surpassing the prognosis and getting better.
Now she’s full of beans, but if she doesn’t rest, her speech and balance become confused. She does book group, goes to exhibitions and is on an allotment committee.
After her injury I decided to have a child. I’d always assumed if I had children, my mother would be there. Life and death became very mingled, and I decided to make life.
Her story Sarah McAlister, 75, mother
My head injury happened 13 years ago this month. When I first began to come round, I would forget what I’d said earlier in the morning, or what I’d agreed, or what I was going to do that day. Alix and my other children were warned when I was in hospital that I might not remember their names or who they were. I feel fortunate that I did eventually remember our life before. Old photos bring back memories of when the family was young and everything was new and different. Back then I was very busy and still trying to cope with life, but in a different way.
Alix and I are similar in that we like to try different things. Alix adored dolls’ houses when she was little and was always drawing, telling stories and making things. I can’t imagine what life would have been like if I hadn’t been injured, but in some ways our family has become closer as a result.
I’m stubborn and want to keep doing the things I like. Alix has a very practical way of saying: “Is that a good idea?” or suggesting I take a bus rather than a train, for example. Sometimes my thoughts can go all over the place and get diverted. Alix and her siblings will notice and suggest that I have a rest. I adore music and Alix is a good musician herself. We did a duet at Christmas three years ago which meant a lot to me.
The changes Alix made to her life after my injury made a big difference to my life, too. Alix has her own son, Ruben, who is 11 now, who I’ve seen grow up. I feel very lucky.
Who Are You Now? is a project telling the life stories of brain-injury survivors by Headway East London. For information, see whoareyounow.org and headway.org.uk
