I am pretty sure the unwritten (maybe written in some ‘how to keep you friends’ guide) rule that states you can’t date your friend’s ex-partner is very well known to everybody. Well, technically you can, but most probably you will need to choose between dating that person or keeping your friend – it’s almost never possible to have them both.
A similar situation was shared by one Reddit user whose best friend started dating his ex-girlfriend, which led to him setting boundaries and growing apart. After getting married, the friend thought everything would go back to normal; however, he was quickly reminded of the reality.
More info: Reddit
When a friend starts dating your ex-partner, it shouldn’t be shocking to realize that the friendship will not be the same
Image credits: Danik Prihodko (not the actual photo)
Man shares that he was in a relationship with his ex-girlfriend for 4 years, which ended due to her cheating and his friend witnessing it
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
About 2 years ago, the man’s best friend called him asking if he could start dating his ex-girlfriend, to which he explained that he would just distance himself from them
Image credits: Candice Picard (not the actual photo)
A month later, the man’s best friend called him announcing that they were dating, but still wanted him in his life, but the OP held firm with his boundary
Image credits: u/Ok_Load4268
Now, they met again at a wedding and had a nice catch-up, but the man’s former best friend ended up in tears after he imagined that they would be best friends again but was told that nothing has changed
A few days ago, one Reddit user shared his story online asking for community members’ opinion on whether he was in fact being a jerk for telling his ex-girlfriend’s husband, who was once his best friend, that nothing has changed and they won’t be best friends again as they used to, which led to him bawling in front of everyone. The post received a lot of attention, collecting over 6K upvotes.
The original poster (OP) started by explaining that he was in a relationship with Anne for 4 years and ended up breaking up due to her cheating. His best friend Jared was the one who witnessed it and knew the whole situation. Now, about 2 years ago, Jared reached out to OP asking if he could date Anne, to which he answered that he couldn’t tell him who to date or not to date, but he would distance himself from them.
A month later, Jared informed the man that he was dating Anne but still wanted him in his life, but the man stood by his boundary. Fast forward to now, they are married and expecting a kid, while OP is also married, has a kid and is happy. All of them met at another friend’s wedding and had a nice catch-up.
However, the situation slightly took a turn during the afterparty – Jared kept telling the man how much he misses him and loves him and how happy he is that they are going to be best friends again. After a little pause, OP reminded him that nothing has changed, and to probably everyone’s surprise, Jared started bawling in front of everyone around.
The Redditors mostly had a common opinion – that the man didn’t do anything wrong and he set clear boundaries. “NTA. There is no place in your happy life for Anne, and Jared made his choice between the two of you long ago. Your paths diverged,” one user wrote. “He misses you. His marriage probably sucks balls and he knows you’re right. NTA for setting boundaries and keeping them,” another emphasized.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual photo)
“Not all friendships, even very good friendships, last forever,” firmly stated Irene S. Levine, PhD, psychologist and friendship expert, producer of The Friendship Blog, with whom Bored Panda got in touch.
She added that friends’ lives often fall out of sync as they change and/or their circumstances change. “It sounds like the protagonist feels this friendship is no longer satisfying,” Irene emphasized. “He has every right to step back.”
The friendship expert also noted that healthy friendships should be reciprocal, meaning that both people need to be invested in the relationship for it to work. “Jared may want to desperately rekindle the friendship but that’s not the way his friend feels.”
She pointed out that because Anne and the protagonist had a contentious break up and she cheated on him, he is likely to harbor residual hurt. “Jared essentially chose sides when he pursued Anne and should have realized it might irreparably damage his relationship with his friend,” Irene explained.
“Jared needs to respect his friend’s feelings and move on to other friendships.” The expert also highlighted that his histrionics in front of everyone at the wedding probably put the nail in the coffin.
So, guys, in most cases, dating your friend’s ex may put you in an uncomfortable position where you need to choose between them. But what is your take on this? Do you agree with Redditors’ opinions? Share your thoughts below!
Redditors supported the man in this situation
