It’s been said that blood is thicker than water, meaning that if you have to choose between friends and family, family always comes first. But the lines get a bit blurry once someone marries into the family – after all, they’re family now too.
Happy to have married into a lovely family, one woman got the shock of her life when her mother-in-law requested she leave her baby daughter at home for Thanksgiving and Christmas, all because her sister-in-law recently had a miscarriage. Hurting, she turned to Reddit for advice.
More info: Reddit
Blood is thicker than water, as one happily married woman unhappily found out
Image credits: Colin Maynard / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Despite always being kind and welcoming, her mother-in-law asked her to stay away from the family’s holiday celebrations to protect her sister-in-law’s feelings
Image credits: Daniele La Rosa Messina / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The sister-in-law had recently had a miscarriage and was particularly sensitive about the topic of babies
Image credits: cottonbro studio / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Disgusted that his mother would choose to exclude his wife and child, the woman’s husband sent his parents packing
Image credits: Friendly_Lab7306
Left in tears, the woman turned to the web to ask if she was being a jerk for being hurt by her mother-in-law’s request
OP begins her story by telling the community that she and her husband gave birth to their first child almost three months back. She adds that she has always felt grateful she married into the family she did, since she grew up without siblings and had a single mom who passed away two years ago.
She goes on to say that, by contrast, her husband’s parents are happily married and have four kids who have always been kind and welcoming to her, with the exception of Ashley, her husband’s twin sister. OP shares that Ashley has a habit of making snide remarks about her husband’s success, but that her husband isn’t too fazed by it.
OP then tells the readers that Ashley and her husband have been trying, unsuccessfully, to have a baby for the last two years, and recently had a miscarriage.
Well, drama started to unfold when, over dinner at OP’s house, her MIL started talking about what a hard few years it’s been for Ashley before asking OP if, to protect Ashley’s feelings, she’d mind sitting out Christmas and Thanksgiving. OP’s husband was livid at the suggestion and, despite his mother’s protests, told her she had to leave, and that Ashley should be the one to stay at home if she can’t control her emotions.
OP says her mother-in-law has tried calling her several times since making the painful request, but she’s still too hurt to talk. Her husband, meanwhile, doesn’t want to be part of the family’s holiday celebrations at all.
OP concludes her post by asking her readers if she’s being a jerk for feeling so hurt.
Image credits: shurkin_son / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Bored Panda reached out to psychologist Dr. Deborah Hecker to get her expert take on the matter.
When we asked her whether or not OP had a right to be upset about being uninvited from the family’s holiday celebrations, she had this to say, “While the mother-in-law has the right to ask her daughter-in-law to consider not coming to the holiday celebrations with the baby, the woman has every right to be deeply offended by her invite being rescinded, particularly because of her own painful family history.”
Hecker went on, “I sympathize with the mother-in-law feeling caught between her infertile daughter and her fertile daughter-in-law. However, I urge her to reconsider the request, as the consequences will be to burn family bridges.”
Hecker says that the mother-in-law disinviting her daughter-in-law to holiday gatherings is an inadequate resolution for what is clearly her dilemma. Yes, Ashley said she is dreading the holidays, but her mother assumed unasked-for advice, which Ashley may not support. There are other ways that Mom can be supportive of her daughter’s pain.
We asked Dr. Hecker how she would suggest the family move forward, and she responded, “Infertility is a very stressful experience not only for Ashley but also for her family members, in particular her mom. Due to the unique nature of the mother-daughter relationship, a daughter’s fertility problems can often be very distressing for the mother.”
Hecker concluded, “If the mom wants to contribute positively to Ashley’s mental health (and not impose her own roller-coaster of emotions on her), and bring the family closer, I urge her to also seek out her own sources of support. That will allow her to convey care and compassion while listening closely to Ashley’s unique pain. Ashley knows best how to preserve her well-being.”
Maybe OP could take Thanksgiving while her sister-in-law takes Christmas? What do you think of OP’s situation? Is her sister-in-law being unreasonable? Let us know your opinion in the comments!
In the comments, readers slammed the sister-in-law for being so selfish and swiftly decided OP was not the jerk for feeling hurt by her mother-in-law’s cruel request
