Couples break up for many reasons: infidelity, incompatibility, and constant arguments are just some of the most common reasons. But it’s not often that people break up because their partner’s family member might pose a threat to their younger siblings.
This guy started questioning his girlfriend’s morals after she chose to believe her creepy stepbrother over his 15-year-old sister. The woman saw nothing wrong with the sleazeball coming into the teen’s room to “chat her up.” But her brother was having none of it and prioritized his sister’s well-being and safety.
A couple got into a fight because the GF’s creepy stepbrother tried to “chat up” the BF’s 15 Y.O. sister
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
As she didn’t see anything wrong with it and even tried to blame the girl, the BF unceremoniously kicked them both out
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: White-Whale-9847
Experts advise reporting harassment even if it’s unlikely to go anywhere; at least there’ll be history of the offender’s inappropriate behavior
Image credits: Kaboompics.com/Pexels (not the actual photo)
The OP and the commenters are right to view the stepbrother’s behavior as a huge red flag. As the experts at Stop It Now! note, inappropriate behavior towards minors doesn’t have to involve any touching. Inappropriately peeking in on a youth or entering their room without permission counts as inappropriate behavior as well.
The Mercer County Advocacy Center explains that adults invading the personal space of minors is not acceptable. They advise grown-ups to take action if they see adults make minors uncomfortable by “ignoring [their] social, emotional or physical boundaries or limits” and refuse to let the minor set their own limits.
The FBI urges parents, teachers, and caregivers to report any adult’s inappropriate behavior towards a child or a minor to the authorities. But, since the OP says he’s from Portugal, individuals may not want to report harassment due to the incompetence of the law.
Or, at least, that’s what the author himself wrote in his update. He believes that the report will probably go nowhere, as the only evidence in the story is word of mouth. Still, he thinks that if the stepbrother ever tries anything like this again, there will be an official record of his past behavior.
Law experts agree; according to MKFM Law, documenting the harassment can be important for future victims. “By documenting multiple incidents over time, patterns can be established, providing a more comprehensive overview of the offender’s behavior,” they claim.
The girlfriend was wrong to invalidate the teen’s experience and words
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The girlfriend in this story tried to downplay the seriousness of the situation by claiming that this wasn’t a big deal. In her eyes, there was no “hard proof” and her stepbrother “ended up doing nothing.” What’s more, she didn’t take her boyfriend’s opinion seriously and tried to deflect the issue and make it about her feelings.
Experts say that deflecting erodes trust and makes open communication difficult. A partner who’s deflecting might change the subject, blame a partner for their own feelings or avoid the issue altogether. Other times, a partner might start acting defensive or playing the victim.
The GF ticked almost all of these boxes when she told OP that he “shouldn’t have raised [his] voice like that and [he] scared her.” She also tried to deflect by redirecting blame to circumstances (“She had been drunk and panicked and hadn’t been thinking clearly”).
The GF also invalidated the 15 Y.O.’s terrible experience by immediately jumping to the conclusion that she was making everything up for attention.
Psychotherapist Sharon Martin explains that validating someone’s feelings doesn’t automatically mean you’re agreeing with them. “We can certainly feel differently, but make the effort to try to understand and empathize with our loved one’s feelings,” she writes.
Martin also notes how invalidation is often a tactic used by abusers. “[They] turn things around and blame the victim and deny or minimize their abusive words or actions.”
“I can’t have a future with her,” the BF wrote in the comments
The commenters sided with the boyfriend, calling the stepbrother a huge walking red flag
Some people even thought the OP didn’t do enough and was acting irresponsibly by getting drunk while a minor was in the house
A couple of days later, the guy posted an update: “I told her, ‘Yes, we’re done'”
Image credits: Alena Darmel/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: White-Whale-9847
Man Ends Relationship After GF Defends Step-Brother’s Inappropriate Behavior Toward His Teen Sister Bored Panda
