Life as a new parent can often get overwhelming. However, sharing the challenges of parenthood with an understanding partner who is always eager to lend a hand can relieve the stress and doubts that tire them immensely.
Unfortunately, this new mom’s husband refused to help, and she was left to take care of him, their newborn, home, dog, and mother-in-law all by herself, which drove her to the point of exhaustion. Lost on how to deal with such a situation, she turned online, asking for advice.
Sharing the challenges of parenthood with a partner can make it less stressful
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Unfortunately, this woman didn’t end up with an understanding husband and had to do everything by herself after their newborn arrived
Image credits: Lelia_Milaya (not the actual photo)
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“The division of roles and responsibilities is the biggest difficulty that parents face”
“The division of roles and responsibilities is the biggest difficulty that parents face,” said couples coach Aaron Steinberg to NPR. This often happens because parents can feel like they’re taking on too many tasks. Moms usually experience this more, as they take on more labor out of convenience if they are the ones who stay at home when the baby is born.
Another reason for this is partners feeling unsure how to be the most helpful after a newborn arrives, so they distance themselves and leave most things up to their significant other. They aren’t necessarily doing it on purpose. They are, too, dealing with parenthood for the first time and may be anxious to do something wrong or not live up to the expectations.
Partner’s upbringing can also have influence on their level of involvement and support for their significant other. If their family was operating based on traditional gender roles, they might be behaving on autopilot. In addition, many men find pride in providing for their family and make their jobs their primary identity, which may cause them to overlook other vital responsibilities.
Nevertheless, it’s important that parents share responsibilities after a baby is born, as unequally shared parenting time can lead to psychological and physical exhaustion or even postpartum depression. Mothers, especially, are vulnerable to this after birth without support as they go through many physical, hormonal, and psychological changes. Delegating tasks ensures that they have the rest they need to heal and adapt to them better.
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Fairly splitting parenting and home responsibilities allows new parents to enjoy their novel role and have time for themselves
To split responsibilities fairly, first the couple needs to evaluate what they entail, says Steinberg. This means sitting down together before the baby arrives and writing a list of all tasks that have to be done, including child care duties. Less visible labor that requires a lot of mental power, like scheduling doctor appointments and meal planning, should also be added to it.
Then, the tasks can be assigned playing to one strengths while also keeping in mind the weight of each responsibility and free time the person has. It might not be possible to split the chores 50/50, but keeping it flexible and actually doing the work can help both partners avoid getting overwhelmed and extremely fatigued.
The most important thing during all of this is to keep communicating and addressing any frustrations that arise. If something isn’t working, work as a team to find a solution. Equally crucial is shuffling the schedule to fit in some alone and couple time. Parents who take care of themselves and have a stable relationship are better equipped to deal with parenthood challenges that come their way.
Fairly splitting parenting and home responsibilities allows new parents to enjoy their novel role and have time for themselves or their careers. No one has to feel burdened with chores, and the baby gets to grow up in a serene environment fostered by strong parental teamwork. Just because one partner is a stay-at-home parent it doesn’t mean they don’t need time to rest. Ensuring a baby’s well-being and taking care of them takes a lot of time and effort throughout the day, which is important to keep in mind when delegating responsibilities equally.
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Readers decided that the new mom definitely wasn’t the jerk in this situation
