The role of stepparents comes with a lot of uncertainty and challenges. Every situation they face requires caution and deliberation, as one wrong move can throw their progress with stepkids backwards. At the same time, they have to think about what’s good for them so they can feel like full-fledged members of the new family.
Unfortunately, this woman, who already shouldered most of the responsibilities in the household, started feeling uncomfortable when her husband chose to leave his two sons with her overnight so he could enjoy his hobby. So, she voiced her concerns to him, but he felt she was being unreasonable, which pushed her to turn online for unbiased opinions.
Stepparents might not even notice how many responsibilities they shoulder while being focused on family well-being
Image credits: DC_Studio / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Like this stepmom, until she decided to draw a line when her husband wanted to pile up more on her
Image credits: Okrasyuk / envatoelements (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Educational-Nature35
Stepparents aren’t automatically responsible for taking care of a partner’s children
Image credits: dragonimages / freepik (not the actual photo)
While stepparents are focused on forming a bond with stepchildren and creating and supporting family well-being, they can sometimes take no notice that the majority of household and children responsibilities have somehow ended up on their shoulders. In a previous interview with Bored Panda, licensed marriage and family therapists Dr. Maritza Mikolich, PsyD, and Rachel Del Dosso said that overloading stepparents with duties is extremely unfair.
“This is dehumanizing and is viewing them for what they are able to provide without taking into consideration their actual role or their feelings and needs. Being a [stepparent] is challenging enough, but if they are also belittled by other grown-ups in the system, it will be even more difficult,” says Del Dosso.
Mikolich agreed, noting that stepparents aren’t automatically responsible for taking care of a partner’s children. “When parents create their own children, they are primarily responsible for the childcare, and if they seek external support, then there should be a respectful conversation around babysitting needs, and family members have the right to say no.”
Nor are they designated babysitters, she says. “They must consider the complications of involving [stepparents] in babysitting needs, as it creates a different co-parenting relationship and can complicate things when it comes to having their own opinions and beliefs around childrearing. If parents do decide to involve stepmothers or other family members, healthy boundaries and honest communication need to be maintained,” Mikolich explained.
“The unspoken reality is that stepparents often become the ‘default parent’ by accident”
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“The unspoken reality is that stepparents often become the ‘default parent’ by accident, not agreement. It starts with convenience—like working from home or having more flexible hours—but, over time, that morphs into invisible responsibility. If you’re looking after kids regularly, you need the authority and support of a co-parent, not just expectations,” noted child care expert Rachel Carrell.
When stepparents start to feel that their partner is asking too much of them, they should address the issue and set healthy boundaries. However, it’s important to do it in a way that respects both parties involved and allows everyone to be heard and to find common ground.
Learning to say ‘no’ is one way to set a boundary, but, again, it has to be done respectfully so no relationships are hurt. We set boundaries to have more effective communication and relationships, not because we want to come off as selfish and inconsiderate.
In general, building proper support for stepparents should be normalized, especially those who are doing their best to hold the fort during holidays and school breaks, as many struggle without knowing where or how to get proper support.
The stepmom responded to some things commenters brought up
Overall, many readers supported the stepmom
Some readers thought she should have known what she was signing up for
