There is no one right way to “do” relationships or marriage. Some people might find themselves in a long-distance relationship, some are monogamous, some are polygamous, and some choose to keep their relationships platonic altogether. Bottom line is – as long as everyone involved is happy with the arrangement, there’s no wrong way to do it.
Unfortunately, this redditor wasn’t too happy with her husband when he said he wanted change in their relationship. After being married for four years, he asked for an open marriage, but the woman didn’t feel comfortable with it, and went in a different direction instead.
Scroll down to find the full story below, where you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with Dr. Janet Bennion, professor of sociocultural anthropology at Northern Vermont University and an expert in polygamy, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions.
There is no one right way to “do” relationships
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez 🇨🇦 / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
This couple was married for four years before the husband asked for an open marriage
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Flat_Ad_7911
“We are conditioned to believe that monogamy is the best and most efficacious marital plan,” an expert says
As of last year, there were over 62 million married couples in the US alone. Each year, millions of people say “I do,” usually vowing to love their significant other until the end of their lives. Less common, though, is a polygamous marriage, which means vowing eternal love to more than one person at a time.
According to the Pew Research Center, only roughly 2% of the global population lives in polygamous households; in the vast majority of countries, the share is less than 0.5%. Criminalized in the US back in the 1880s, having a spouse-like relationship with more than one person in the same household is no longer a punishable crime; however, in the US, the share of polygamous households nowadays also stands at less than 0.5%.
A survey carried out by YouGov took a deeper look at people’s views on having multiple partners at once. It found that while more than half (55%) of American adults consider themselves completely monogamous, roughly a quarter believe there should be some wiggle room: asked to rank their ideal relationship from 0 (completely monogamous) to 6 (completely non-monogamous), 26% of respondents said it ideally would be somewhere between 1-5.
“We are conditioned to believe that monogamy is the best and most efficacious marital plan; but it simply does not fit everyone’s needs or relationship paradigm,” emphasized Dr. Janet Bennion of Northern Vermont University in a recent interview with Bored Panda. “It was invented by men in patrilineal agricultural societies to control resources and reproduction. Hunters-gatherers never used such a constraining system. Monogamy is also associated with serious problems; it is not the sunny formula people make it out to be.”
The expert continued to point out that, in order for any relationship to work, it is vital that both people agree to a fully consensual arrangement. What is also crucial is honest and open communication.
For those looking to give an open relationship a chance, one of the most important elements for it to work, according to Dr. Bennion, is “The willingness for the poly partner to help the monogamy partner realize that they also have freedom to explore and make bonds with others. Don’t cheat; be clear about what is happening and continue loving the persons involved.”
For an open relationship to work, both partners have to be on the same page
Image credits: Lia Bekyan / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The aforementioned YouGov survey also found that many people have stepped out of the bounds of total monogamy, with or without the knowledge of their partner: one in eight Americans admitted having engaged in sexual activity with a person other than their primary partner but with their knowledge, and one in five said they did that without their primary partner knowing.
Such statistics show that, even when in a relationship, people might want to engage in some sort of a relationship with someone else. Consequently, some people opt for a polygamous relationship and have several partners, while others choose an open relationship, which usually means that they have one primary partner, but are open to making connections or engaging in sexual activities with other people, too.
“For an open relationship to work, both parties must not only accept but encourage their partners to have new sexual experiences with others,” a published writer, speaker, and host of The Angry Therapist Podcast, John Kim, suggested in his piece for Psychology Today. “Of course, you don’t need to know the details but you have to get to a place where you want your partner to explore their sexuality with others. You want them to have these experiences. For them. This is not something many people have the ability to give their partner.”
The OP shared that she couldn’t give her husband the open marriage he wanted. She had always considered herself monogamous and felt like opening up their relationship would betray the vows the couple gave each other on their wedding day four years prior. The woman decided to opt for a divorce instead, and fellow redditors supported her decision; though, some believed she rushed into ending things too quickly.
The woman shared more details in the comments
Fellow netizens didn’t think she was a jerk for the way she reacted to her husband’s request
Some, however, believed the woman rushed into divorce too abruptly
