Meeting a significant other’s parents can feel daunting. Unfortunately, some of these experiences can get ugly, potentially ruining the chances of a harmonious relationship.
A woman dealt with the rudeness of her boyfriend’s mom during different dinner encounters. She finally snapped one evening after hearing seemingly racist remarks against her. Out of anger, she spoke harshly and disrespectfully toward her supposed future mother-in-law.
The situation escalated further, causing a rift between the boyfriend and his mother. The woman felt guilty and asked the AITAH subreddit for answers. Scroll down for the entire story.
Some parents lack sensitivity towards the partners of their children
Image credits: dimaberlin (not the actual image)
A woman was fat-shamed by her boyfriend’s mom during dinner
Image credits: senivpetro (not the actual image)
Unable to take the repeated criticism, she snapped
Image credits: zinkevych (not the actual image)
The author immediately felt terrible afterward, as she asked the internet if she was out of line
She later provided an update
Image credits: Drazen Zigic (not the actual image)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual image)
Her boyfriend gave his mom an ultimatum
Image credits: Justpoliyseter6
Fat shaming does more significant damage than what’s perceived
The two women in the story are guilty of fat-shaming, something that society has seemingly deemed normal. Some people even use it to supposedly motivate an overweight person to shed excess pounds and live a healthy life.
However, obesity experts like Dr. Leslie Pristas will be the first to advise against such behavior. In an interview with St. Vincent Charity Medical Center, she pointed out how the stress and stigma of body shaming only leads to more overeating and a vicious cycle that may be difficult to get out of.
“Shame leads to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol, which can stimulate appetite and increase risk for depression and anxiety,” Dr. Pristas said.
There is research to back this up. In a 2014 study published in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology, researchers found that the stigma attached to overeating may push a person down a path of unhealthy behaviors – including binge eating.
Similarly, a 2019 study published in the Pediatric Obesity Journal found that children teased about their weight gained 33% more body mass and 91% more fat per year. The kids involved in the study were between 8.5 and 15 years old.
Dr. Pristas mentioned another important point: several factors can cause being overweight and obesity, including a person’s upbringing, family health history, and psychological factors. Hinging it solely on someone’s personal choices is a misinformed way of thinking.
“The solution is to support people, educate them, increase access to surgery, medical care, and healthy affordable foods,” Dr. Pristas said.
It helps to understand narcissistic behavior from a parent or in-law
The boyfriend’s mother in the story may be showing signs of narcissistic behavior. Psychology professor Dr. Ramani Durvasula shared some indicators of this in an article for CNBC, one of which was having poor boundaries.
“Narcissistic parents can be quite intrusive,” Dr. Ramani wrote, adding that these behaviors may include commenting on a child’s weight, appearance, and other factors that may cause uncomfortable feelings of self-consciousness.
Dr. Ramani also describes narcissistic parents as “emotionally reactive” people who ironically shame their children for opening up about how they feel. Such actions could manifest in gaslighting and blaming the child for expressing hurt feelings or turning the tables, much like the author did.
Knowing these traits may help in developing proper coping strategies against a narcissistic parent or in-law. In such situations, author and mental health counselor Dr. Stephanie Sarkis advises setting boundaries.
However, when the issue is between in-laws, Dr. Sarkis emphasizes the importance of taking a stand as a couple.
“It cannot be emphasized enough how important it is that your spouse is on the same page as you,” Dr. Sarkis wrote in an article for Psychology Today.
Narcissists will likely see nothing wrong with their behavior and may even escalate things to “put you in your place.” You can never win or succeed in changing them, so limiting contact may be the better option.
As Dr. Sarkis urges, minimize engagement and responses. End an angry phone call or ignore a verbally abusive text message.
While the author’s reaction was understandable, given that she was likely at her boiling point when it happened, she could have taken the high road and not responded the way she did. It can never hurt to be the bigger person in such instances.
The author addressed some reader comments, as many people sided with her
Some commenters faulted all parties
While a few pinned the blame on her
