If recent history and a thirsty ITV are reliable markers, I think we can guess what might come next for royal race row toff Lady Susan Hussey.
Three weeks in the Australian jungle next November sharing a battered old RV with Gareth Southgate (unless England somehow win the World Cup), before returning home with a few hundred grand tucked under her tiara.
If you think that seems like an outrageous thing for ITV to do, you clearly missed the shameless events that took place on I’m A Celebrity this year.
I’m just glad that fairness and common sense won out in the end as ex-Lioness Jill Scott was rightly crowned Queen of the Jungle.
All of which left MP Matt Hancock scuttling back to the day job he should never have been allowed to desert.
I just hope his constituents agree that a distant third place finish was the redemptive victory he clearly believes it to have been. Truth is, the cruelly robbed Mike Tindall and Babatunde Aleshe aside, Hancock’s default Tory block vote didn’t deny this year’s contestants their rightful finishing position.
They may argue with that assessment, of course. However, to dispute it fully they’d have to watch their appearance back in its entirety, which might prove painful for one (Chris Moyles) or two (Boy George) of them.
In years to come all we will remember is that Jill took the crown and that a nice young man from Hollyoaks was the runner-up. Of course, we all knew Jill would win from the off.
She was funny, supportive and kind – and about as unstarry as someone who has achieved sporting greatness can possibly be.
Which is why I fully expect Jill to slip back into her pre-jungle life and carry on being an excellent person.
All she needs to do now is think of a way of politely swerving the invite Peter Andre gave on tonight’s Coming Out show for her to perform Mysterious Girl with him at one of his upcoming concerts.
I think I can help you out there, Jill. Just tell him you’ll only feel comfortable if it’s at your spiritual home, Wembley Stadium.
