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Daily Mirror
Daily Mirror
National
Saffron Otter

'After 30 days of Ramadan I'm tired, irritable and thirsty but also feel so lucky'

It is just after 8pm. The sun is slowly fading and the night's sky is drawing in.

Tom Bradley and Hiatham Javaid take their first sip of water since 6am, paired with a sweet date.

As they finish the drinks and chew the dried fruit, you can visibly see the relief on their faces. Their shoulders drop and they smile.

"It's a bit of relaxation," Tom, 42, says. "About an hour ago, I could have eaten anything. I could have eaten cardboard.

"But when it gets nearer to it [sunset], you realise you're actually not starving to death.

"You really get used to it. The whole of Ramadan is a mental challenge."

The dad-of-two, who owns his own construction firm, is a Muslim revert and is one of the millions of Muslims who fasts from sunrise to sunset for 30 days during Ramadan.

The two families come together for an Iftar - the meal eaten after sunset during Ramadan (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

It is one of the five pillars of Islam - Sawm - where those who choose to observe it must also refrain from smoking and sexual activity, while curbing negative thoughts is also encouraged.

After meeting his wife Fabiha - who is of Pakistani heritage - 13 years ago, it became important for Tom, whose family is Catholic, to follow Islam.

Not only because Fabiha's family felt it right, but the couple also met at a time when Tom was looking for direction and purpose after overcoming struggles with alcoholism.

The parents, who live in Hale, Cheshire, are hosting an Iftar - the fast-breaking evening meal - in the third week of the holy month on April 12 with their children, Ava, five, and Jemima, four.

They're joined by their friends, Hiatham, and his wife, Zartasha Arshid, both 35, and their son, Faaris, five.

There is excitement among the children, who are also off for the school holidays, as they run around the dining table where the meal is about to be served, surrounded by incredible smells of home-cooked food.

While those who have never fasted might consider the idea of going without food too much to bear, Hiatham finds going without water for 14 hours much more of a struggle.

"Once you have your date and water, you don't feel like you need to eat, for me anyway," he says.

"I think it's a mental thing, once you know you can eat again…

"I never get that hungry during the day, but I get thirsty."

The fast is typically broken with something sweet (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

Tom, who usually consumes 10 coffees a day, thinks the first few days are the hardest.

He has caffeine withdrawal which causes him headaches. Whereas Hiatham says he weans himself off in the run-up.

"You realise how much caffeine is in the coffee you drink," Tom says. "The first week is different.

"It also makes you realise how much you graze throughout the day. And how you have a lot more time when you're not eating. You're not preparing it, not scheduling things around it."

Fabiha, who organises charity events, has spent the afternoon preparing for the feast - which includes chicken kebabs, chicken legs, lamp chops, a lamb biryani, pakoras, samosas, sausage rolls, salad, and fruit chaat - which is a typical Iftar and Pakistani dish.

We gather around the table and tuck in.

Even though the mum is hosting, she has also had Tom deliver food to three of their friends too before they broke the fast.

"If you don't have people around, you usually send food to somebody's house. It's about sharing," Fabiha comments.

"Most nights we give food to people."

Charitable acts are central to Islam, with it being another of the five pillars - Alms - where Muslims donate a fixed portion of their income to those in need.

This is heightened during Ramadan and particularly during the final 10 days before coming to a close on Thursday, April 20.

The family make sure to provide others with food during the holy month (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

"During the last 10 days, you go to the mosque more often," Hiatham explains, while Zartasha, a pharmacist, says a passage of the Quran is read each evening at the mosque and is completed by the final day.

Hiatham continues: "That's when it's believed that the prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, got the message of the Quran.

"Everything is elevated in the last 10 days. What you do is timesed by 10 during Ramadan, then in the last 10 days, it is timesed by 1,000.

"People like to donate to charity on each of those days. The idea is that you have some rebalance as well. Wealth is temporary and you're accountable for it.

"You're always encouraged to donate your salary, but even more so during Ramadan."

Money is usually donated to humanitarian causes, sometimes abroad, such as the recent earthquake in Tukey and Syria and floods in Pakistan.

"There is no obligation as to where you donate, but you all have your own links," the dad-of-one adds.

"You're encouraged to give locally as well, homeless charities, giving food. As much as people have feasts, the meaning behind it is more to channel reflection and think about how lucky you are."

Acts of charity are encouraged each day of the month-long fast (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

By now, a good proportion of the meal has been devoured.

The adults last ate at their breakfast before sunrise - Suhoor - but it can be difficult to force yourself to eat a lot of food to keep you going that early in the morning.

Tom struggles the most with trying to get two pints of water down in such a short amount of time.

"I will try and eat as much as possible but they say to try and drink as much liquid to get through the day and not end up with dehydration," Tom explains.

"I like to drink two or three pints of water at least. But at 4.30 in the morning, it's hard to consume a huge amount of food and that much water in such a short amount of time."

We take a break from the table as they take their fourth prayer of the day.

Four mats are placed on the floor in the front room, pointing East, in the direction of the Kaaba - the sacred shrine in Mecca.

Hiatham leads the prayer, with his son Faaris in between him and Tom. Ava kneels behind in her hijab.

It's a moving moment of stillness, where the four take time to pause and reflect.

Most Muslims pray five times a day (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

Unlike in Islamic countries, there is no public call to prayer, and neither is there a slower pace of life during Ramadan, where shops and businesses might close during set hours and during prayer time.

But over the years, the UK has adapted to reflect its modern-day multicultural society.

Hiatham, a solicitor, has space to pray in meeting rooms at his office, while Tom says most building sites now have prayer rooms.

It's a long day for Muslims in Britain but Hiatham has been able to alter his hours during Ramadan to start later or if he is in the office, will leave earlier due to not having a lunch break.

But he doesn't want his colleagues to see him in a different light. Or to make them feel that they have to act differently around him or take pity on him for going without food and drink.

"Workplaces are so much better now," he states.

"I see it as a time to be able to talk about it as well. There are so many misconceptions about it. People are shocked and say 'You can't have water?!'

"I do feel a duty to make out that I'm fine all the time because I don't want people to think that and I don't want it to affect my performance at work.

"Not that it does but I don't want it to be seen as an excuse for not doing as well. I just want people to be normal around me."

Tom informs his workers that he is fasting, and while it's a big topic at the start of the month each year, it gradually becomes the norm.

"They are quite nervous around me for the first few days," he laughs.

"People realise that you don't have to be a mad fanatical to be fasting. It is not so life-observing as people think.

Tom met Fabiha 13 years ago - and says joining Islam was 'meant to be' (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

"In the UK, the times of fasting can be so long, especially in the summer, going 16 hours, but the reality is that it is not as tough as people think."

As a white, clean-shaven man, people are often shocked to learn about Tom's beliefs.

But he met Fabiha, in a restaurant, at a time when he felt 'pretty lost' - so it was a no-brainer to join the faith.

More than a decade later, it is clear he is still reaping the benefits of leading a more structured and disciplined way of life.

"I had given up alcohol about a year earlier - I had issues with alcohol and drugs," Tom reveals.

"I was a little lost and wrapped up in a partying lifestyle.

"Fabiha then came into my life and with that, she introduced me to Islam, which seemed to be almost purposeful.

"Timing-wise, it felt very much like it was meant to be, almost. It was destiny.

"It was very important for her family that I became Muslim, and it was strange and unusual for my family, but they are quite open-minded."

He is still only one of a handful of white men who attend the nearby Altrincham Mosque but says he has never been challenged and always welcomed.

"They've been nothing other than embracing," he asserts.

"In my day-to-day life, most people are shocked to find I'm Muslim, especially because I don't look like your average revert.

"I go to pubs, even though I don't drink. I'm pretty observant with it as much as I can and my obligation to my family comes above anything else, which is consistent with Islam."

The two men say Ramadan is a mental reset (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

Tom's family will join them for Eid celebrations, which will follow Ramadan this weekend, and will attend events at the mosque as well as Muslim weddings.

Just like with joining the religion, the business owner says Ramadan is about acceptance.

"There are times in your life where you will be short of things, and you have to accept what is happening," Tom, who has visited Mecca a few times and says the experience is transformative, adds.

"During Ramadan, you're going to feel tired and irritable, and you have to deal with it.

"One of the big takeaways is you have to have patience. It can be tested so many times.

"But we are lucky in that we wouldn't go without on a normal day-to-day basis. I can eat, drink, move, and have access to anything I want really.

"So to have that restriction, it gives you patience. And you've got to set good intentions throughout the day.

"It is no use not eating and drinking and then being a real ogre throughout the day - you've got to not be angry, charitable, and caring, to be kind, and respectful, and look at yourself and think, 'what would I normally do in this situation?'

"I have more empathy during Ramadan for people with either sickness or people who are short of things. I feel a little bit more of what they feel and I think you pick up better habits and also lose some bad habits as well."

Hiatham says that while some Muslims might not stick to all of the rules, such as not eating pork or drinking, he argues that Ramadan is a time that brings the community together.

The four say Ramadan encourages them to have gratitude, patience, and makes them better people (Andy Stenning/Daily Mirror)

"I think it's something all Muslims do as they can see so much goodness in it, whatever kind of Muslim you are," he argues.

"It's a detox for the mind, body, soul.

"There are lots of reasons why we do it but for me, I think about how fortunate we are and it forces you to think about people who don't necessarily have the same things.

"It teaches you a lot about yourself and you just have more awareness of everything.

"Everyone has their own level, however religious or not, anyone can get so much out of it.

"You pick up good character traits."

His wife Zartasha agrees that it's a time for practicing gratitude.

"It's about appreciating the things we have and it's a time where you can just sit down and actually value things and see how much you can help others," she says.

Fabiha also credits the holy month for helping her set good intentions for the rest of the year.

"It's about improving myself, doing as many good deeds as possible throughout the month, and trying to be as good for the rest of the year," the mum-of-two adds.

While they have gone without from sunrise to sunset, it is apparent how much Muslims gain from the experience.

Their commitment and dedication to Allah is unparalleled, and it is humbling to watch.

Completing Ramadan is no mean feat, but with Eid al-Fitr on the horizon and after witnessing what he is capable of when he puts his mind to it, Tom realises he can tackle the remaining days with ease - and could even go without for longer.

"It is a mental reset. Thirty days feels way too long but once you get partway through, you realise what you can put up with," he concludes.

"You think ‘14/15 hours without food or drink… wow, that's ages'. Then when it comes to it, you think 'I can keep going' and you surprise yourself with the fortitude you have."

Do you have a story to share? Please get in touch at webfeatures@trinitymirror.com

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