Hey Alexa, play “Santa Tell Me” by Ariana Grande (the superior Christmas song).
Yes, it’s November. Turkeys will soon be carved, and halls are getting decked as we enter the holiday season. While the Bengals and Ravens are getting in the holiday spirit with big wins, the likes of the Bills and Dolphins may be turning into Scrooges and Grinches as they look to stack wins in the second half of the season. Let’s take a look at the NFL power rankings heading into Week 10.
32. New York Giants
Last Week: 32
Daniel Jones is done for the year, and New York is firmly in the mix to win the Caleb Williams sweepstakes. All I want from them for the rest of the year is to sign Carson Wentz. If they’re going to stink, at least be chaotic and stink.
31. Arizona Cardinals
Last Week: 31
Kyler Murray is expected to return this week- the new Call of Duty game must have been underwhelming. Jokes aside, I’m genuinely excited to see Murray add some excitement to this offense.
30. Carolina Panthers
Last Week: 30
The good news is Bryce Young threw three touchdowns in Week 9. The bad news is two of them were to the Colts.
29. New England Patriots
Last Week: 29
Bill Belichick is going to mess around and get one of these quarterbacks in the draft or Kirk Cousins, isn’t he?
28. Chicago Bears
Last Week: 27
Tyson Bagent made some really gnarly throws against the Saints- a few of them were just caught by the Saints, which ultimately cost Chicago.
27. Green Bay Packers
Last Week: 28
After getting Jordan Love vs. Brett Rypien, we’ll get Jordan Love vs. Kenny Pickett in Week 10- huzzah.
26. Tennessee Titans
Last Week: 25
At least Will Levis looks like a real NFL quarterback early on- that’s something positive to move forward with.
25. Denver Broncos
Last Week: 26
How lucky are we that we didn’t have to sit through a Broncos game this week? Unfortunately, we have to sit through another primetime game, as they take on the Bills on Monday night in Week 10.
24. Atlanta Falcons
Last Week: 22
It is the most Falcons thing ever to lose to a quarterback who just joined the team five minutes before gametime.
23. Las Vegas Raiders
Last Week: 24
The Raiders cut off the hand before the disease spread to the head, and it’s already paying off. Good riddance, Josh McDaniels.
22. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last Week: 23
Tampa may have lost, but they looked far better than their division-rival Falcons in the process.
21. Washington Commanders
Last Week: 21
Sam Howell is second in the league in passing yards. If he can keep that YOLO side of him caged, the Commanders might have something.
20. Indianapolis Colts
Last Week: 20
The Colts are high-variance fun. Their offense is scoring the seventh-most points in football on a per game basis, while their defense is allowing points at will. However, their defense contributed to the scoring with two Kenny Moore touchdowns against the Panthers.
19. New Orleans Saints
Last Week: 19
The Saints will do their best to let you beat them, you just have to take the opportunities when they come, and the Bears didn’t.
18. Los Angeles Rams
Last Week: 16
The Rams are an XFL team without Matthew Stafford.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers
Last Week: 18
Speaking of the XFL, the Steelers’ offense, everybody. This formula of stinking for three quarters and having one drive to win games will work against the bad teams of the league- good luck doing that in the playoffs.
16. New York Jets
Last Week: 15
Everyone who watches the Jets every week should be entitled to financial compensation. Their defense can only do so much- they need the offense to score.
15. Cleveland Browns
Last Week: 17
Their offense is still impressively bad, but that defense is out of this world sitting atop the league in EPA and success rate.
14. Los Angeles Chargers
Last Week: 14
They sacked Zach Wilson what felt like every other play. Now at .500, can they continue winning and climb into a wildcard spot?
13. Minnesota Vikings
Last Week: 12
I mean, what a story. I don’t know if the Vikings can keep this up and ride this magic carpet into a playoff spot, but they have a lot of people behind them who want to see the Josh Dobbs Cinderella tale has a glass slipper ending.
12. Seattle Seahawks
Last Week: 11
That was a burn the tape game for the Seahawks. Like the Lions before them who also got blown out by the Ravens, they are still one of the top teams in the NFC. We’ll see how they rebound.
11. Houston Texans
Last Week: 13
The Texans are the most fun team in football, and their young phenom just broke the single-game record for passing yards in a game for a rookie.
10. Dallas Cowboys
Last Week: 10
It’s hard for me to punish the Cowboys and move them down the list after they were a play away from beating last week’s No. 1 team. They have kinks to rub out, but this is still a top 10 team in football.
9. San Francisco 49ers
Last Week: 9
After losing three straight heading into their bye, they will face a tough Jaguars team this Sunday. If they don’t win that, it’s “eyes looking sideways emoji” time.
8. Buffalo Bills
Last Week: 6
That was a typical Bills loss. The offense struggled early, turned the ball over, Gabe Davis was a complete non-factor, and the lack of depth on both sides of the ball was very evident.
7. Miami Dolphins
Last Week: 4
Beat FCS Midwest and the University of Quiznos all you want. Until the Dolphins beat an actual team, they will be labeled a unit who can’t win big games.
6. Detroit Lions
Last Week: 8
Selfishly, I want the Lions to host the NFC Championship Game. What a cool story it would be for that team and that city, both of which are so easy to root for.
5. Jacksonville Jaguars
Last Week: 3
The Jaguars were on a bye in Week 9, but they get Wally Pipped by two teams who played fantastically.
4. Cincinnati Bengals
Last Week: 7
The Bengals could line up against Zeus and Poseidon and I’d pick them to win right now. They look like the Bengals we’ve seen over the last two years again.
3. Baltimore Ravens
Last Week: 5
The Ravens have beaten the Lions and Seahawks by a combined score of 75-9. Their defense is so dangerous right now, and we all know how good Lamar Jackson is. This is a very dangerous team.
2. Kansas City Chiefs
Last Week: 2
The Chiefs beat the Dolphins with Travis Kelce only catching three passes. Their defense is the best that they’ve had in the Mahomes era.
1. Philadelphia Eagles
Last Week: 1
The Eagles handled their business in a huge game against the Cowboys and are now 8-1 for the second consecutive season.
