Abbie Chatfield has joined a truly valid conflict: the war against Shepard avocados. In an ep of her Hot Nights With Abbie radio show she railed against those cursed little bastards. Welcome to the team Abbie.
As we all know, Shepard avocados are literally the worst.
They are too green. They are too firm. They don’t even taste that good. You literally cannot make a good guacamole out of them. They take all that is good about avocados and warp it tragically. They are one of the only fruits with the power to totally ruin brunch.
Abbie Chatfield raised these compelling critiques and many more on her show. She pointed out how Shepard avocados take fkn forever to ripen, they’re harder than a bloody boulder and the pip is virtually impossible to extract.
Antoni from Queer Eye‘s avocado hacks aren’t even worth attempting with a Shepard.
Abbie Chatfield also described the avos as tasting like “plastic” and now I think about it, she’s completely correct. I could forgive the textural issues if Shepards were delicious, but they just aren’t.
On the ep, Abbie explained how she was forced to use a Shepard while making a salmon avocado bowl recently. We’ve all been there babes, it’s okay. You have to do what you have to do.
“I had to peel the avocado cause I couldn’t slice it up,” she said.
“So I got my hands and I was squishing it with my hands and my boyfriend came in and he goes ‘Abbie, what are you doing?’
“I said ‘Konrad, there’s no other options. I can’t make our salmon avocado bowl’.”
Abbie then said she loved the avocado farmers, but no the avos themselves. A very fair point.
The comments were largely in agreement: that Shepard avocados are a scourge. But some people proclaimed to be Shepard avocado lovers. I know, I’m as shocked as you are.
“A properly ripe shepherd avo is a beautiful experience,” one person commented on Insta.
“They have to be very soft before they’re ready!”
A bold stance to be sure. I mean, whatever floats your boat and butters your toast at the end of the day!
Why did we ever stray from the noble Hass avo? It’s a question I ask myself ever time I nip to Woolies. But to really improve the avocado discourse we need to start making our own long-neck avocados. It’s time for an official showdown.
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