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A LOT OF WIND: Former prime minister Boris Johnson has quit parliament in a massive strop, issuing a 1,000 word statement which appeared to blame everyone and everything for his downfall except his own actions. Which of these lines is taken from that statement?
"By taking this action, I hope that I will have hastened the start of that process of healing which is so desperately needed."
"As I leave the second most important job I could ever hold, I cherish even more the first – as a husband and father."
"I am now being forced out of parliament by a tiny handful of people, with no evidence to back up their assertions."
"A big boy did it and ran away."
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COPPED IT: Nadine Dorries also decided that continuing to do the job of representing the constituents who elected her was beneath her dignity and said she will resign. But in order to resign, MPs have to be appointed to which of these semi-fictional jobs?
Warden of the Northern Marches
Crown Steward and Bailiff of the Chiltern Hundreds
Deputy to the Great Steward of Winchester
The Keeper of the Lord Chamberlain's Wine Cellar
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A FIGURE WALKS: Also in parliament, the DUP's Ian Paisley improbably gave which US rock star a tour at Westminster last week?
Kiss frontman Gene Simmons
Metallica vocalist James Hetfield
Aerosmith singer Steven Tyler
Ron from Sparks
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LIVE AT THE WITCH TRIALS: A “gaudy and inaccurate” mural of a witch by a renowned street artist will be removed from a historic location with links to witch trials after complaints. Where?
Beaumaris, Wales
Dawlish, Devon
Pittenweem, Fife
Islandmagee, Antrim
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TOTALLY WIRED: Silvio Berlusconi (L), the scandal-ridden former Italian prime minister, died aged 86. Before being convicted for tax fraud, he had three terms of office as PM. When did the first one start?
1984
1989
1994
1999
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IT'S A DOG'S LIFE: Willow, the official dog of the Guardian Thursday quiz, knows that the sea can be dangerous. But she remembers there was a light-hearted sea rescue story last week at Westward Ho! where the RNLI recovered a giant inflatable duck called … what?
Quaxly
Ducky McDuckface
James Pond
Quackers
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NORTH OR SOUTH WITH THE POKÉMON MEOWTH: Which of these Canadian cities is furthest north?
Edmonton
Vancouver
Winnipeg
Ottawa
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THE ELEMENT OF SURPRISE: Element 8 is Oxygen. When did French electronic musician and composer Jean-Michel Jarre release his ground-breaking album Oxygène in France?
December 1972
December 1974
December 1976
December 1978
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WOMEN'S WORLD CUP 2023: Non-football questions about the countries in this year's Fifa Women's World Cup are a regular weekly feature. Here are two more. The Kingdom of the Netherlands consists of four countries – the Netherlands and … ?
Anguilla, Montserrat and Sint Eustatius
Aruba, Curaçao and Sint Maarten
Cayman Islands, Martinique and Saint Barthélemy
Guadeloupe, Montserrat and Suriname
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WOMEN'S WORLD CUP 2023: Japan are the only Asian team to have won the women's world cup. Mount Fuji is one of Japan's dominant geographical features. Which island is it on?
Hokkaido
Honshu
Kyushu
Ribos
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SOLICITOR IN STUDIO: British confectioner Swizzels agreed to redesign a sweet that M&S lawyers argued too closely resembled their own Percy Pig sweets. But what was the name of the Swizzels sweet that now has to change?
Piggiewiggies
Pigs Mugs
Sweet Peter Piggles
30-50 feral hogs
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MATHS WITH GOTHS: Andrew goes to the gym once every four days. Patricia goes to the same gym, but only once every 14 days. They both went to the gym today. When will they see each other at the gym again?
In 14 days
In 18 days
In 28 days
In 56 days
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THE WORLD'S MOST FAMOUS BULLIES, WITH DOMINIC RAAB: This week the former deputy PM would like to know what is the name of the bully in the movie Back To The Future?
Biff Summers
Biff Harris
Biff Tannen
Gavin Williamson
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ATHLETE CURED: A 76-year-old woman who was declared dead at a hospital astonished her relatives by knocking on her coffin during her wake, prompting a government investigation into the hospital. Where?
Ecuador
Brazil
Venezuela
Chile
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ROCKING ALL OVER THE WORLD: Leyton Orient are still the champions of League Two in the English Football League, and the quiz master is still literally in this photo. Sam Sargeant was the back-up keeper at the O's last season, but who has collaborated with Sam Smith on their new single Vulgar?
P!nk
Madonna
Lizzo
Kate Bush
Solutions
1:C - Johnson's 1,000 word statement showed no contrition for being the first prime minister to face a fixed penalty fine for breaking the Covid regulations that he himself had imposed on the country, or for his assertions to parliament that rules had been followed at Downing Street at all times. The Metropolitan Police have issued more than 125 fixed penalty notices over lockdown events in and around Number 10. Richard Nixon and Gordon Brown provided two of the other quotes., 2:B - The job is about as realistic as Dorries' old blog about being a backbench MP. In 2010 she said "My blog is 70% fiction and 30% fact. It is written as a tool to enable my constituents to know me better and to reassure them of my commitment to Mid Bedfordshire. I rely heavily on poetic licence and frequently replace one place name/event/fact with another". Something which apparently didn't disqualify her from later being the minister in charge of whether broadcasters and media are being truthful and impartial in their reporting. With Nigel Adams stepping down too, not that the Thursday quiz had ever heard of him before, parliament may have to revive other semi-fictional jobs. Currently the other one used is the Crown Steward and Bailiff of the Manor of Northstead., 3:A - “What I just saw in there was controlled chaos. It was the clash of wills but respectful – the right honourable so and so, it was fascinating,” Simmons told the media. “I think Americans can take a big lesson in civility in how to make democracy actually work and still respect the other side". Bury South MP Christian Wakeford apologised and deleted a picture he posted on Twitter of him with Simmons after he received criticism due to Simmons previous remarks about Islam., 4:C - The unanimous decision by Fife council’s north-east planning committee to order the removal of the painting was made last week. “I know it’s a quaint wee village and this is a strong mural,” he said, “but I did my own research into the women who were killed there, and I wanted to get people talking," said Rogue One – also known as Bobby McNamara – who painted it. Sean Dillon, a Lib Dem councillor who grew up in the village, said "Despite these events happening over three centuries ago, there are still families within Pittenweem who can trace their family trees back to the supposed ‘witches’.”, 5:C - He was in office from 11 May 1994 – 17 January 1995, then 11 June 2001 – 17 May 2006, and then 8 May 2008 – 16 November 2011. You can see why this question wasn't a comparison with how long Liz Truss was in office, can't you? , 6:D - Volunteers from Appledore Royal National Lifeboat Institution (RNLI) were out in their inshore and all-weather lifeboats on a routine training exercise when they were tasked by the coastguard to assist three men who had been on board Quackers when it drifted it out to sea. The lifeboats returned to their exercise after the incident on 6 June, complete with Quackers on board., 7:A - It is Edmonton, which is at the same latitude as Hamburg, Dublin and Manchester., 8:C - While it didn't gain international distribution until the following year with Polydor, Jarre recorded the album in his own makeshift studio in Paris during the autumn of 1976 and it was initially released on the Disques Motors label., 9:B - Although part of the Kingdom of the Netherlands, there are some considerable differences in legal framework, with none of the islands adopting the Euro for example. Sint Eustatius is an "openbare lichamen" of the Netherlands, rather than one of the four constituent countries of the kingdom., 10:B - Mount Fuji is an active volcano and one of Japan's "Three Holy Mountains". It is on the largest and most populous island of Japan and last erupted in the 18th century., 11:B - In its legal submission, M&S cited an example of a customer who loved the fruit gums so much they had got a tattoo of Percy’s face. The Thursday quiz has no further comment., 12:C - It is 28 days. You were looking for a number that was a multiple of both four and 14. Or do you feel like nineteen fifty-nine? (That's a Sisters of Mercy joke), 13:C - Thomas F Wilson played Biff in three movies and also voiced the character in the animated series. He also played Biff's grandson Griff Tannen and great-grandfather Buford "Mad Dog" Tannen. Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey., 14:A - “It gave us all a fright,” son Gilberto Barbera told the Associated Press, adding that doctors said his mother’s situation remained dire., 15:B - Alexis Petridis wasn't impressed, he wrote “'Vulgar will make you dance, don’t need a chorus' sing Smith and Madonna in unison, a line that’s hard not to respond to with a shrugging, 'Well, if you say so, but one might have helped.'"
Scores
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0 and above.
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