THE CHIRPING OF CRICKETS
At the end of a January transfer window in which Fabrizio Romano’s phone buzzed with less frequency than a hermit’s doorbell, the final tallies are in. After three consecutive record-breaking January spends on the bounce, financial outlay is down; way down. As down as a No 1 hit by denim clad, three-chord tricksters Status Quo called Down Down, boasting the chorus “down down, deeper and down”.
With a combined outlay of just £100m, Premier League teams spent £715m less than in the 2023 winter window. A total of 19 Premier League teams spent £227m less than Chelsea did in the corresponding month last year. A pittance of £30m was spent in disclosed fees on deadline day compared to £275m last year. And only 17 permanent transfers were completed by top-flight clubs since New Year’s Day, seven of which went through on deadline day. Won’t somebody please, please, please think of the Mr and Mrs 15%s? Of the Sky Sports News reporters strategically placed on grass verges outside training grounds the length and breadth of the country? And of the fabulously wealthy Saudi owners of Newcastle United, whose bottomless reserves of wealth mean they have enough money to tempt any player on the planet to St James’ Park, but instead had to settle for loading Javier Manquillo into a crate plastered with the address of Celta Vigo’s Estadio de Balaídos.
On a deadline day so quiet and dull that the only transfer announcement to pique even the slightest bit of interest involved a Formula One driver moving from one vroom-vroom team to another, Crystal Palace emerged as the surprise “winners”, finalising their deal to bring Adam Wharton to Selhurst Park for £23.5m, having already brought Daniel Muñoz in from Genk in a few days earlier. Football Daily can’t be the only one who is happy to admit that if, a week ago Wharton or Muñoz had walked into our kitchen in full kit, put the kettle on and made themselves a cup of tea, we wouldn’t have had the foggiest idea who either of them was. Kieffer Moore, on the other hand, would even get a plate of nice biscuits, for winning this window’s “Jay Rodriguez Is Gone Where?” award, for his departure from Bournemouth to Ipswich on loan. West Ham, meanwhile tried to ship Saïd Benrahma off to Lyon, only for the deal to collapse, pending possible Fifa intervention, because somebody lost the wifi password and the computer said no.
Of course it is largely down to the fact that last January’s spending was so excessive, the month just gone has been largely soundtracked by the chirping of crickets. Somehow in dire need of a striker, Chelsea shipped one of the few they have out to Fulham on loan, despite the best attempts of Wolves to lure Armando Broja to Molineux. “We couldn’t afford to do it financially, the way it ended up,” explained Gary O’Neil in the aftermath of his side’s 4-3 defeat at the hands of Manchester United. “There were a few No 9s that I really liked and we couldn’t afford any. That’s where we are as a football club but at least we haven’t been deducted 10 points.” On Sunday his team travel to Chelsea, a similar model of financial prudence from whom all other top-flight clubs could learn.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“I’m normally an outfield player … it was my first game back after [ankle-knack] and I hadn’t put the goalie gloves on in a long time. I’d also forgotten my contact lenses, so I had to wear goggles over my glasses. I made a few saves early on, which you wouldn’t have guessed by the score. We played a high line, attacking high up the pitch, then after 10 more goals [conceded] went back to focusing on defence. I made one save with my right foot – the one that had been injured – so I was struggling to move. I ended up getting subbed off in the 60th minute. We were down to seven men, a 5-1 formation. It wasn’t great” – St Machar Thistle captain Eoin Devlin recalls a character-building experience as stand-in goalkeeper in a 51-0 Scottish Amateur Cup defeat to AC Mill Inn. Oof.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
I am going to confidently predict that ‘dart-throwing’ (yesterday’s Football Daily) will become the new ‘rocking the baby’ when scoring. Mind you, for some clubs it’ll be the only time those players hit the target” – Kev McCready.
Re: the blathering controversy (yesterday’s Football Daily letters). I would have thought that the definition of blathering was adequately met by Gabriel Jesus saying more-or-less that he would henceforth try to score some goals” – Robert Blanchard.
Please have sympathy for Football Daily, whose whole raison d’etre is based on blathering. In fact, without the blathering, Football Daily would be reduced to Big Website punditry, and no one comes here for that. Yours in blathering” – Paul Arnold.
If indeed the structure of the game is rechristened the football ‘bell-bottomed trousers’ (Football Daily letters passim), does that mean teams can only sign flare players?” – Derek McGee.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … Derek McGee.
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