SOMEBODY’S WATCHING ME
Whether it’s Ed Sheeran at Ipswich, Michael McIntyre at Spurs or Hugh Grant and the Osman brothers at Fulham, celebrity fans always need to be on their very best behaviour, given the almost psychopathic obsession TV directors have with cutting away to them as the action on the pitch unfolds. Last night it was the turn of Prince William to find himself under constant surveillance in his VIP seat in nominative determinism’s Parc des Princes, where he and his son, George, were forced to abandon any plans they might have had to pick their noses, flick Vs at Paris Saint-Germain players or offer home fans out for a scrap on the concourse, for fear of being caught on camera and enjoying a surge in public popularity that no end of gladhanding elderly war veterans or official visits to former colonies could ever provide.
To be fair to Aston Villa’s most famous fan since David Cameron mistook them for West Ham, he had attempted to keep his visit to Paris low-key for his beloved team’s first Bigger Cup quarter-final first leg in a little over 40 years. Given the opportunity to meet and greet Villa’s players one-by-one as they went out to warm up for what was the biggest game in many of their careers, he was also press-ganged into a pre-match chat with the TNT Sports pundits Rio Ferdinand and Ally McCoist, who asked him how he felt. “I’m pretty terrified,” one confessed. “It’s been a while coming, so it’s a big game. I’m confident but I’m also excited by the whole prospect. I’m wearing all my lucky clothes and have done all my routines, so I’m hoping it’s going to bring some luck tonight.”
Having already won the lottery by being born into a life of unimaginable privilege, it is difficult to imagine the heir to the throne relying on a pair of tatty and threadbare Y-fronts for extra luck, but he did go on to provide an impressive level of insight into how he envisioned the game unfolding that had one of his interviewers quaking in his boots. “Don’t go for a punditry job, please, because I could be out of the game,” joshed Ferdinand as vast swathes of the TNT audience dared to dream. As it happened, William’s lucky grundies, expensive watch and finely tailored overcoat only worked up to a certain point, specifically the moment Villa’s players kicked a Parisian hornet’s nest by taking a first-half lead. Cue the obligatory cut to the stands where William and his son George could be seen celebrating wildly, just like every other less regal Villa fan in the ground.
Their jubilation was short-lived, what with Désiré Doué, Khvicha Kvaratskhelia and Nuno Mendes consigning Villa to defeat with a trio of superb strikes but, while Villa remain alive in the tie, PSG look a completely different proposition to the team that won one of their first five group games and were, at one stage before Christmas, looking a good bet to continue a long tradition of ignominious exits from the competition. “For us it is important to believe in ourselves,” roared PSG gaffer Luis Enrique, whose team have been given the weekend off, all the better to prepare for the second leg. “The three goals were filled with quality. They are all quality players with a lot of ambition.” While Villa don’t have the luxury of a free weekend, they do only have to play Southampton, which is the next best thing. “We believe in Villa Park and the players,” said Unai Emery, forgetting to mention the club’s lucky prince.
QUOTE OF THE DAY
“If David de Gea or Peter Schmeichel or [Edwin] van der Sar said that then I will question myself, but if you are one of the statistically worst goalkeepers in Manchester United’s modern history then he needs to show that before he says, so we will see” – Nemanja Matic claps back against André Onana after the keeper claimed United were “way better” than Lyon. The pair are set to meet in Bigger Vase this evening. Expect an awkward handshake.
FOOTBALL DAILY LETTERS
“I always knew that there was a reason why Nemanja Matic was a favourite of José Mourinho” – Noble Francis.
“Surprised you had to “assume” Dennis Taylor was taking a penalty [Wednesday’ Memory Lane] – he definitely was, but it was disallowed as the ball touched both his feet before hitting the back of the net, as the photo clearly shows! That Julián Alvarez of that Atlético Madrid got a lot more coverage, but has he ever kept a nation up till after midnight watching a black-ball decider? No” – Andy Morrison.
“As an Atlético de Madrid fan of some years standing, I am more than horribly familiar with the ‘La Real’ capacity for Lazarus-style comebacks from near-death experiences (Bigger Cup finals 2014, 2016, last-16 this year). As a result I have slipped a cheeky tenner on them at 16/1 to win the Champions League outright. You know it makes sense really” – Rob Ford.
Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s letter o’ the day winner is … Andy Morrison, who wins a copy of Groundhopper, by Pitch Publishing. Visit their bookshop here. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.
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