I'm joining my third queue of the day at the John Lewis cafe at Cheadle Royal and my patience is wearing a little thin.
I've asked for cheese and tomato pasta for my three year old at the hot food counter, only to be told after several staff discussions, that it's "out of stock".
"Ok, I'll have the chicken goujons then?" "Out of stock" as well I'm told. They suggest I buy an Ella's Kitchen pouch instead (for a three year old!) or buy a child toastie.
Read more: The Greater Manchester farm shop with brilliant outdoor play areas
It means I'm going to have to re-queue again at the sandwich section queue for the toastie options. A queue I've already originally queued at only to be told that the salmon bagel I wanted was, yep, also "Out of stock".
You could say it's not exactly going well on my visit to The Place To Eat, the cafe inside the big John Lewis at the Cheadle Royal shopping park. It's the cafe that has been branded "chaos" by fuming shoppers who have left a string of one star reviews about their experiences on Tripadvisor.
Customers fed up with the queues and sub-standard products have witheringly called it: "The Place NOT to eat". And I'm afraid after my visit here, it's hard to disagree with that assessment.
As with the commenters online, I too had to navigate the different queues at different stations at my 12noon visit, and was left scratching my head as to the weird layout of the whole place. The right wall is dominated by self-service coffee machines, but most people seem to avoid them and head to join the queue for the barista-made ones instead.
It turns out this is a right old waste of time - when I ask at the till (after another queue) what the difference is, it turns out they both use the same coffee machines, just at the barista station they "froth the milk" for you. When I taste the £3.10 latte from this station it's just so weak it's barely worth drinking.
You breeze into the cafe off the first floor of the ever-busy department store - and walk straight into a large circular table of fresh cakes. Reviewers online have blasted this set up saying it's "unhygienic" to have them all uncovered and breathed on by the masses.
Pre-Covid I wouldn't have even given it a second thought to be honest. But I do get that some people aren't that keen on the idea of another human's particles floating anyway near their food.
One reviewer was so taken aback she deemed it "repulsive" having seen a "toddler with her nose a couple of inches away from one cake".
Good job she wasn't there when I visited then - as I watched someone's little darling full on prod a chocolate fudge cake before his mother dragged him and his mucky paws away from it.
Still, the temptation of a lump of a cake doesn't seem to stop plenty of folk, me included, diving in to grab a slice (with plastic clippers I might add, not my fingers).
I'm pretty glad I did too as my £3.85 slice of creamy lemon cake was the one redeeming feature of my visit to the cafe in all honesty. It tasted fresh and with a great zing to the lemon topping.
It also helped take the sour taste from my mouth from the tuna sub roll I ended up buying (after refusing to queue at another station when I was told the salmon bagel I wanted was out of stock).
The tuna mayo filling was fine, I mean how wrong can you go with tinned tuna and mayo? And the cucumber slices were crisp and fresh.
But the bread rolll itself had clearly seen better days. It was so dry that I decided after a couple of mouthfuls it was really not worth consuming at all which was extremely disappointing for £4.95.
In fairness to John Lewis, the cafe seating area itself is a bright and stylish space with a wide range of seating options. There are large green lamp lights hovering above, with chic wooden panelling and quirky wooden ram heads for decor.
It all feels very airy in its semi-mezzanine setting with those wonderful views across, erm, the very large car park.
I found it all very clean, and was impressed with how swiftly staff were clearing and cleaning tables to keep the flow of guests through the cafe itself very efficient.
I asked staff at the time of my visit why so many things were unavailable, given it was 12noon, and not the end of the day. They said at the time there had been a "delivery issue".
Although quite how a major retailer like John Lewis could not keep a decent supply of the very basic ingredients to create a child's cheese and tomato pasta dish is beyond me. It's not like I was asking for new-season asparagus on artisan sourdough was I?
Thousands of people use this department store day in day out, and so there's a captive audience of folk who will head to this cafe no matter what it serves up. But I think we all deserve better than this.
I remember a time when heading to the John Lewis cafe was a real treat as a break from your shopping trip. It was a bit pricier than other shop cafes, but it always seemed worth it.
Comments on the MEN Facebook page following our earlier story about this cafe had people sharing similar views. People fondly reminisiced about the fresh pancake station that used to be here, of the fancy cakes and ice cream sundaes, open sandwiches, piled high with smoked salmon and prawns.
We all expect something better of the John Lewis brand I suppose. Certainly something better than this.
I spoke to John Lewis after my experience in the cafe, and also for a response after all the one-star reviews on Tripadvisor. They have said they are keen to address all the issues that have been raised this week about the cafe and said that "one bad review is one too many".
In particular response to my issues at the cafe, with the number of menu items out of stock, they confirmed this was due to a "delivery issue".
They said: "We regret that we had an issue with our delivery, which limited the amount of hot food we were able to offer. We’re very sorry about this and are looking into what happened to make sure we can avoid this from happening again."
With regard to the uncovered cake table, they say that all their "Hospitality Partners" in the cafe receive detailed training on food standards and safety. They added: "in accordance with our guidelines, they supervise the patisserie and bakery area to prevent any products being mishandled".
They have said they will also look at "what measures they can take" to better manage queues at the busier times in the cafe.
Chris Southerton, deputy branch manager, said: "We want every single customer to be delighted with the experience in our cafes and we are very sorry that some have been disappointed.
“We take all feedback seriously, and one bad review is one too many, so we'll be reviewing these comments and looking at these urgently."
Read next:-
- The incredible outdoor playpark named visitor attraction of the year
- The all-pink subway train where you can eat your Archie's burger and shakes
- The "little villages" you can hire for parties that kids love
- The £4-a-go swimming pool in Greater Manchester with rapids
- I tried the award-winning chippy that has queues round the corner
