Vacationing with a partner by your side is total bliss. Romantic dinners on the beach, wonderful activities, and new experiences can bring two lovers closer together. But what if one is terrified of heights and the other is crazy for bungee jumping? Or one doesn’t like Mediterranean cuisine and the other loathes spicy food? Do you stay inside all day watching soap operas and munching on tasteless salads?
Redditor Bigappleparade and her husband had a similar dilemma when deciding on a trip for their 10th anniversary. She wanted to go where it was sunny and full of beaches, while he considered staying at his cabin in Canada. The wife still booked it to the Caribbean, which her partner completely rejected. Despite this, she still decided to go just not with him but with another man.
Scroll down to find the full story and a conversation we had with marriage and family therapist Lia Huynh who kindly agreed to share her insights on couples and vacations.
Planning a vacation as a couple may cause disagreements
Image credits: Viktoria Slowikowska / Pexels (not the actual photo)
When this husband refused to go to the Caribbean with his wife, she still decided to go only with another man
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION / Pexels (not the actual photo)
The husband edited his post to answer some questions
Image credits: anonymously83638
Reactions to his post were mixed
Not long after, the wife came forward to tell her version of the story
Image credits: Liza Summer / Pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: bigappleparade
Some couples may find it beneficial to travel separately
Those couples who can’t seem to agree on their vacation plans may consider taking a trip separately. For example, 32% of Canadians have indicated that they have traveled without their partner in the past, while 6% said that they do so regularly and thoroughly enjoy it. This may be surprising to some, but it shows how modern relationships are dynamically changing.
Bored Panda reached out to marriage and family therapist Lia Huynh who kindly agreed to share her insights on couples taking vacations apart.
When asked if couples should travel separately, she told us “There is no “should” or “shouldn’t” when it comes to separate vacations. Some couples will only take vacations together, and others may need to take them separately from time to time. I think if a majority of your vacations are separate, it is something one may want to reflect on. However, if some are separate and most are together, I think that can be fine and even healthy.”
She even shared a personal experience when choosing to travel separately from her husband was beneficial to their relationship.
“For example, my father lives out of state. My husband does not like to travel. One year, he was trying to hide it but you could tell he was miserable and it ended in an argument. He was a great sport but honestly, it was killing the mood, and I just felt bad for him. So we made an agreement that he would come with us once a year. The other time or two times, I will take one kid or two, or go by myself. On other trips, most of the time he will go and he does great to try to enjoy himself but if I know it’s too much I will just offer to go alone or with kids. Everyone is happy that way.”
According to Huynh traveling apart also means that there’s no arguing about which destination to go to and no resentment about using vacation time for a holiday they didn’t really want to go on. Additionally, alone time can make the heart grow fonder and both people can explore their interests without having to “worry” about the other person not enjoying themselves.
There may be various reasons why partners would choose to vacate apart. Huynh told Bored Panda “Lots of my clients take “girls trips” and “guys trips” just for a short weekend or they have kids and practically speaking, bringing them would not be feasible due to school schedule or the nature of the trip (e.g. long backpacking trips, going to see a concert somewhere, etc.).”
Additionally, “sometimes one spouse is really passionate about a destination due to a certain activity they are really interested in. The other spouse may not want to use their precious vacation time doing something they are not particularly interested in. Meanwhile, one spouse may just enjoy traveling more than the other. There are some spouses who don’t really enjoy traveling and prefer to stay at home base. The spouse who does not enjoy traveling may join on some trips and the rest, the other spouse may go solo or take the kids.”
However, there are times when leaving your partner behind is a bad idea
However, as with most things in life, separate travel has its own disadvantages. Huynh notes that during it one spouse may feel left out if the other keeps going on solo vacations. Also, holidays can be a bonding experience with shared memories. If too many memories are made separately, this can make the couple grow apart. It can furthermore mean that there are some underlying issues if all the vacations are spent solo.
Besides, taking a separate vacation may be a bad idea if the relationship is struggling and the partners are just looking for an escape. Huynh believes that “Again, if all of your vacations are separate, it could be a sign of something deeper. Vacations are usually shared with people you’re closest to and if you don’t want any of your vacations together, I’d wonder if there is something else, like not enjoying so much time together.
Or having such different lives and passions that you don’t feel you connect. Or always arguing when you spend extended time together, which could mean issues and resentment under the rug that gets pulled out when you’re together and not busy.
Or worse, maybe there are other people one might enjoy spending time more with than their spouse. It doesn’t necessarily mean it’s over, but I would definitely want to do some reflection on the marriage if you realize that you don’t want to spend extended leisure time with your spouse.”
After her intervention commenters unanimously started shaming the husband
