It's possible to have a garden by doing absolutely nothing. Find a gorgeous bit of naturally beautiful bush, lower a house into the middle with as little disturbance as possible, and just enjoy it.
It's also possible to have a garden that will keep you frantic from dawn to dusk, removing every leaf that mars your pristine lawn. For other lucky individuals it's even possible to employ a vast gardening staff to maintain a deliberate "wild meadow" garden.
The rest of us need do the best we can with what we have. This is where "gardeners' friends" shine.
1. A friend - or 10 - who helps with your garden in return for helping them. Ten people get twice as much work done in a day as one person can do in 10 days.
2. A four legged-friend to keep you company, ie a dog, or even a mini cow in the backyard to give milk, too, if bred to a mini bull, as well as excellent fertiliser, and solving your mowing problems. It may also solve the problem of aphids on the roses by eating the roses.
3. A spade. You can do many things with a spade. Play backyard cricket; threaten burglars, plant trees and shrubs; bury doggy doo; dig a deep compost pit and plant a tree in it after a year or two; trim paths and garden edges so they look neat; or scrape along the paving to remove weeds. Herbicide will also kill other species and possibly harm you too, and you'll still need to remove the mess.
Make sure your spade is made of steel, with a sharp edge and hardwood handle. Aluminium will not do the job, or not for long. Clean dirt off to avoid rust, and hang it up so no one trips over it. If you're not sure what Santa needs to bring you, ask for a spade. It'll also scrape decomposed leaves off the patio or knock off high hanging fruit.
4. A wheelbarrow. Handles and wheels are two of humanity's greatest inventions. You can carry a lot in a wheelbarrow, from weeds to dirt to filling for pots or an above-ground garden, or kids in a wheelbarrow race or a stubborn wombat who keeps biting visitors. (We chose the middle of the day, offered lucerne pellet bribes and moved him to a superior vacant hole 500 metres away, where he stayed, quite happy.)
5. A compost bin. The ones that go round decompose the stuff inside faster and are more effective at getting rid of pests. The ones in the ground are warm winter habitat for blue tongues and other lizards who eat your snails. You'll get rid of scraps that neither human, chook or rat will eat. Prevent pest built-up by adding nitrogenous fertiliser and water and mixing up once a week with your spade as 'aeration' speeds up compost. If broke, just use your spade to dig a pit.
6. A large sun hat - NOT a cap, which protects almost nothing.
7. Mulch - only really needed if you have garden beds with bare soil, or to feed fruit trees.
8. Either a lawn mower, or a cow, geese or other grass eaters - though those will leave noticeable droppings and need tending. If you have a small lawn, consider a push lawn mower - almost silent, providing a scent of cut grass with no petrol fumes, and you can give up your gym membership. If you choose paving instead, cover it with a pergola for summer shade and afternoon tea under leaf dapples.
9. A bird bath. Pretend you are being kind to the wildlife, but really it's for you, to enjoy their antics, quarrelling for first swimming/drinking rights.
10. Six favourite plants. This is up to you. Low- or no-maintenance plants, like tree ferns, kentia palms, hibiscus, magnolias, smoke bush or daphne - in the correct place? High-maintenance but much-loved roses, grevilleas, bottlebrush, bulbs and rhizomes? Edible? A hedge of mini apple, pomegranates, or olives, trimmed to shape or not as you prefer, with a couple of plums, pears, lemons and an apricot.
You might even add a flower or vegie garden or more. But be realistic. An overgrown garden is depressing. A "good enough" garden with plants you love is a profound joy, filling your heart when you glance out the window, or breathe the scent of our planet's growth. It's also a heck of a lot easier if you have the right friends to help you.
This week I am:
- Envying everyone who gets more rain than we do.
- Trimming back anything that will survive a hot summer better with fewer leaves and branches to support.
- Remembering that eucalyptus trees do their own 'summer pruning'. If I park my car under the Araluen Gum, it may be a squashed car by morning.
- Not picking asparagus so the plants will survive the heat and dry without the effort of new shoots each day.
- Trying to keep up with removing scattered leaves and dead branches in case a bushfire ember turns them into flame.
- Rejoicing in early roses, fat sweet cumquats, blue bearded iris and the scent of English lavender as we walk along the path.
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