The humble cracker joke is a tradition held over Christmas dinners across the UK.
And the funniest for 2020 have been revealed. The eighth annual top Christmas jokes revealed by TV channel Gold - chosen by a panel chaired by critic Bruce Dessau - have unveiled the 20 best quips for this festive season.
Unsurprisingly, Covid-19 humour dominated the rankings, with a joke about the Prime Minister's former aide Dominic Cummings topping the list.
Herd immunity, flight cancellations and Zoom calls were all included in quips that reflected the previous 12 months defined by the global pandemic.
These are the top 20 Christmas jokes for 2020, followed by 92 of the best - and worst - traditional groan-worthy cracker one-liners.
1. What is Dominic Cummings' favourite Christmas song?
Driving Home for Christmas.
2. Did you hear that production was down at Santa's workshop?
Many of his workers have had to elf isolate.
3. Why didn't Mary and Joseph make it to Bethlehem?
All Virgin flights were cancelled.
4. Why are Santa's reindeer allowed to travel on Christmas Eve?
They have herd immunity.
5. Why did the pirates have to go into lockdown?
Because the "Arrrr!" rate had risen.
6. Why is it best to think of 2020 like a panto?
Because eventually, it's behind you.
7. Why couldn't Mary and Joseph join their work conference call?
Because there was no Zoom at the inn.
8. Why can't Boris Johnson make his Christmas cake until the last minute?
He doesn't know how many tiers it should have.
9. What do the Trumps do for Christmas dinner?
They put on a super spread.
10. Which Christmas film was 30 years ahead of its time?
Home Alone.
11. How do you play Dominic Cummings Monopoly?
Ignore the rules, move anywhere on the board you like, and never Go To Jail.
12. Why won't Santa lose any presents this year?
He's downloaded Sack and Trace.
13. How is the pandemic like my stomach after Christmas?
It'll take ages to flatten the curve.
14. How is Prince Andrew coping with the stresses of Christmas this year?
Fine. No sweat.
15. Why wasn't Rudolph allowed to take part in vaccine trials?
Because they only wanted guinea pigs.
16. Which Government scheme supports Christmas dinner?
Eat Sprout To Help Out.
17. How can you get out of talking to your boss at this year's staff Christmas party?
Put him on mute.
18. How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he's visited?
He keeps a logbook.
19. Who dresses in red and gives to the children this Christmas?
Marcus Rashford.
20. Why did Mary and Joseph have to travel to Bethlehem?
Because they couldn't book a home delivery.
But if you've had enough of coronavirus and want some traditional Christmas one-liners, we've also rounded up enough wise-cracks to keep you laughing through the season of goodwill, with 92 of the best - and worst - festive funnies.
Whether you want to pull a groan-inducing dad-joke out of the bag or show of your pun-prowess with a genuinely funny one-liner, we've got you covered.
Take your pick from our list of ready-made festive quips for Christmas 2020 and keep the laughs coming - suitable for both children and adults.
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What did Santa do when he went speed dating?
He pulled a cracker -
How does Darth Vader enjoy his Christmas Turkey?
On the dark side! -
What is the Grinch's least favourite band?
The Who! -
How is Drake like an elf?
He spends all his time wrapping -
What do you get if Santa forgets to wear his undercrackers?
St Nickerless -
Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?
Because their days are numbered! -
What’s a dog’s favourite carol?
Bark, the herald angels sing -
What do you get if you cross Santa with a duck?
A Christmas Quacker! -
Who’s Rudolph’s favourite pop star?
Beyon-sleigh! -
Why has Boris Johnson bought mistletoe this year?
Because he’s tired of being in the single market! -
What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?
Lost Why has Santa been banned from sooty chimneys?
Carbon footprintsWhich of Santa's reindeer has the best moves?
Dancer!Why was the turkey in the pop group?
Because he was the only one with drumsticks!-
What do you get if you put a bell on a skunk?
Jingle smells -
I got a Christmas card full of rice in the post today...
I think it was from my Uncle Ben -
How did Darth Vader know what Luke Skywalker got for Christmas?
He felt his presents -
Why don't you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?
Because he has private elf care -
Why did the Grinch go to Bargain Booze?
He was searching for some holiday spirit -
What does Santa spend his wages on?
Jingle Bills - Why does Donald Trump have his Christmas dinner on a plastic plate? He doesn’t get on with China
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Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem?
It takes a miracle to find three wise men there -
Who hides in the bakery at Christmas?
A mince spy -
Which Christmas carol is about an animal with three legs?
Little Wonkey -
What do you call a snowman who goes on Love Island?
A melt -
What do you call a snowman with a six pack?
An abdominal snowman -
What is Olivia Colman’s favourite part of a turkey?
The Crown -
Why did no-one bid for Rudolph and Dasher on eBay ?
Because they were two deer -
How can you tell if you are at a Brexit party this Christmas?
Because everyone wants to leave -
What do reindeer hang on their Christmas trees? ?
Horn-aments! -
What did the snowman say to the robin?
I have snow idea! -
What do snowmen wear on their heads?
Ice caps -
Why was the snowman looking through the carrots?
He was picking his nose -
What does Miley Cyrus have for her Christmas dinner?
Twerky -
What did Adam say the day before Christmas?
"It's Christmas, Eve" -
What do snowmen have for breakfast?
Snowflakes -
What does Father Christmas do when his elves misbehave?
He gives them the sack -
Why couldn’t the skeleton go to the Christmas party?
He had no body to go with -
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because he wasn't chicken -
How will Brexit affect Christmas dinner?
No Brussels -
Why is Mrs Claus always checking Santa’s phone?
He seems to know where all the naughty girls live -
What do you call an obnoxious reindeer?
Rude-olph! -
Where would you find snowmen dancing?
At a snowball -
How did Scrooge win the football game?
The ghost of Christmas passed -
Where do snowmen keep their money?
In a snowbank -
Who do Santa’s helpers call when they’re ill?
The National Elf Service! -
Why did Santa quit smoking?
Because it was bad for his elf -
What's Tarzan's favourite Christmas song?
Jungle bells -
What do you get when you cross a snowman and a vampire?
Frostbite -
What does Prince George play at Christmas instead of musical chairs?
Game of Thrones -
Where do elves go to dance?
Christmas Balls -
What are the best Christmas sweaters made from?
Fleece Navidad! - What do the elves call it when Father Christmas claps his hands at the end of a play? Santapplause
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What is Santa's dogs name?
Santa Paws! -
How did Mary and Joseph know Jesus' weight when he was born?
They had a weigh in a manger! -
How do snowmen get around?
They ride an icicle! -
What do snowmen eat for lunch?
Icebergers! -
What do you sing at a Snowman’s party?
Freeze a jolly good fellow -
Why did the turkey cross the road?
Because it was the chicken’s day off! -
What is white and minty?
A polo bear! -
What do elves do after school?
Their gnome work! -
What falls at the North Pole but never gets hurt?
Snow -
How did the ornament get addicted to Christmas?
He was hooked on trees his whole life -
What would you call an elf who just has won the lottery?
Welfy! -
What beats his chest and swings from Christmas cake to Christmas cake?
Tarzipan! -
What's the difference between Santa Clause and a knight?
One slays a dragon, the other drags a sleigh! -
Why are mummies such big fans of Christmas?
Because they enjoy wrapping -
What do you call a kid who doesn’t believe in Santa?
A rebel without a Claus -
What do you call an old snowman?
Water -
What's the difference between Batman and the Grinch?
Batman can go into Whoville without Robin -
What was the three wise men's favourite Christmas carol?
Oh Camel, Ye Faithful -
What happened to the burglar who robbed an advent calendar factory?
He got 25 days -
What do sheep say to each other at Christmas time?
Merry Christmas to ewe! -
What comes at the end of Christmas Day?
The letter "Y"! -
When is a Christmas dinner bad for your health?
When you're the turkey... -
What’s every parent’s favorite Christmas Carol?
Silent Night -
What did the farmer get for Christmas?
A cowculator -
What you can call a polar bear which wears ear muffs?
Anything you want. He can't hear you! -
What did one Christmas light say to the other Christmas light?
You light me up! -
What’s every elf’s favorite type of music?
Wrap -
Why can't the Christmas tree stand up?
It doesn't have legs -
Who is Santa’s favourite actor?
Willem Dafoe-ho-ho -
Why does your nose get tired in winter?
It runs all day -
Who tells the best Christmas jokes?
Reindeer. They sleigh every time -
What do you call Santa when he takes a break?
Santa Pause -
Where do you find reindeer?
It depends on where you leave them! -
Who is a Christmas tree’s favorite singer?
Spruce Springsteen What do you get if Santa goes down the chimney when a fire is lit?
Crisp KringleWhy is the turkey never hungry at Christmas?
It's stuffedWhat does Santa use to bake cakes?
Elf-raising flourWhy did the choir have to cancel their carol concert?
They caught tinsel-itisWhat is the duck's favourite Christmas carol?
In The Beak Midwinter
