Well, it’s official. Donald Trump has been inaugurated as the 47th President of the United States Of America.
At 78 years old, Trump is now the oldest president to be elected, and the second in history to serve two non-consecutive terms in office.
The inauguration itself was a bit of a doozy. It featured everything from mishap-laden performances, sneaky boob glances, awkward on-stage dancing and speeches that made me want to slam my face into my desk. Beyond that though, it heralded a new era for America — whether that’s a good thing or not.
So, let’s take a look at everything that went down at Trump’s inauguration, shall we?
Everything that happened at Trump’s inauguration
1. Carrie Underwood’s performance was plagued with technical difficulties
Country singer Carrie Underwood was tasked with singing “America The Beautiful” at Trump’s inauguration. Sadly for Carrie, her performance was riddled with tech issues.
As she hit the podium, the singer stood there waiting for a hot minute in absolute silence with her pearly white smile just plastered on her face. Eventually, a dude in headphones approached her to let her know that the sound wasn’t working.
“A capella? Just sing it?” she appeared to say, before asking the crowd to sing along too.
“You know the words, help me out there,” she said.
The unfortunate mishap comes after the former American Idol winner received intense backlash for agreeing to perform at the event.
2. Zuck caught staring at Lauren Sanchez’s tits
Former television entertainment reporter turned Jeff Bezos‘s fiancé Lauren Sanchez was sitting alongside Bezos and the other tech bros Mark Zuckerberg and Elon Musk during the inauguration. She looked beautiful in a white suit with a lace white bra underneath.
Unfortunately for everyone involved, at one point the Facebook creator and noted lizard man was filmed having a sneaky peek down Sanchez’s shirt.
Sadly, Sanchez has copped flak from punters online who believe that her outfit wasn’t appropriate for such an occasion. To that, I say, why are y’all so scared of a woman’s bra?
3. Melania Trump’s hat
One of the most surprising moves at the inauguration was Melania Trump dressing in an outfit heavily inspired by Spy Vs Spy.
The 54-year-old former model was dressed in a double-breasted dark navy suit designed by Adam Lippes. She paired it with a wide-brimmed hat by Eric Javits.
Although on the surface this outfit is fine, it was the way the hat obscured her eyes throughout most of the ceremony that onlookers found strange. At one point, Trump leaned in for a kiss but due to the circumference of her hamburglar’s hat, he wasn’t actually able to land the smooch.
4. Trump’s hand enrages the masses (and sparks some conspiracies)
When the time in the ceremony came for Trump to officially be sworn in, he was joined by Melania who held up a stack of two bibles. Although he was supposed to place his hand on the bible as he took the oath of office, he appeared to forget, leaving Melania just standing there, bibles in hand.
Although it’s customary for presidents to place their hand on the bible, there isn’t a law or rule requiring them to do so. As a result, people are pissed, especially the religious folk that voted for Trump in the first place.
What Trump said in his second inaugural address
After reciting the oath, Trump gave his first address as the 47th President of the United States. In this 30-minute speech, he detailed the state of the “broken” country he was determined to fix, and outlined what his first few moves would be in the top spot.
5. The ‘golden age’ of America
During his address, Trump spent a considerable amount of time painting a picture of the current state of America. By his standards, things were looking pretty bleak. Especially in regards to censorship,
“Our recent election is a mandate to completely and totally reverse a horrible betrayal, and all of these many betrayals that have taken place, and to give the people back their faith, their wealth, their democracy and indeed their freedom,” he said.
“From this moment on, America’s decline is over.”
6. A ‘national emergency at the southern border’
One of the first priorities outlined by Trump was to decalre an emergency on the southern border with Mexico and send troops to the border to “repel the disasterous invasion of our country”.
“All illegal entry will immediately be halted. And we will begin the process of returning millions and millions of criminal aliens back to the places from which they came,” he said.
Trump also vowed to reinstate his remain-in-Mexico policy, which will see asylum seekers forced to wait in Mexico for their hearings in the US immigration court, rather than find housing in the States.
7. The American dream
Trump promised to make America “a manufacturing nation once again”.
“The American Dream will soon be back and thriving like never before. To restore confidence and effectiveness to our federal government, my administration will establish the brand new Department of Government Efficiency,” he said, referring to the new deapartment led by Elon Musk and Vivek Ramaswamy.
“I will immediately begin the overhaul of our trade system to protect American workers and families. Instead of taxing our citisens to enrich other countries, we will tariff and tax foreign countries to enrich our citisens.”
8. ‘Bringing back freedom of speech to America’
Trump promised to “sign an executive order to immediately stop all goverment censorship and bring back free speech to America”.
“Under my leadership, we will restore fair, equal and impartial justice under the Constitution and the rule of law. And we are going to bring law and order back to our cities.
9. Only two genders
In an inherently transphobic move, President Trump declared that it is now policy of the United States government that there are only two genders.
“I will also end the government policy of trying to socially engineer race and gender into every aspect of public and private life,” he said.
“We will forge a society that is colourblind and merit-based. As of today, it will henceforth be the official policy of the United States government that there are only two genders, male and female.”
You can check out a transcript of Trump’s entire speech HERE.
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