People say you can't choose family, at least the one you're born into. But most Americans say their family life is quite satisfactory. According to a poll of almost 2,000 people, 74% of Americans would describe their family as happier than most.
The stories in this list would probably come from the other 26%. We've collected the wildest replies people have shared under two videos on TikTok: one about the most unhinged family lore and the other about the most vile things parents have done to them. These stories are proof that just because you're related by blood, doesn't mean you can't be horrible to each other.
Parents are often the source of crazy family lore, so, to know more about the effects of toxic parents and how to deal with them, Bored Panda reached out to psychotherapist Amanda Robins. She works with daughters of narcissistic mothers, and kindly agreed to share her expertise with us. Read her expert insights below!
More info: Melbourne Psychotherapy | Amanda Robins
Image credits: sl*t_4max
#1
My mom called ICE on my Mexican gf’s parents bc she was mad we were lesbians.
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#2
My step mom accused me of being romantically involved with my dad bc we joked around more than they do…..three times.
Image credits: madiness4life
#3
My biological mom cracked my skull open to (and I quote): “get the evil out of me”. Yes she’s lost parental rights, and I am now adopted.
Image credits: dolce_delux
You'll notice a pattern as you read through the entries on this list that most stories involve parents or stepparents. Our mothers and fathers are our first contact when it comes to experiencing love. The ways in which they show us that love or lack thereof often shapes us for life.
However, Melbourne-based psychotherapist Amanda Robins cautions against generalizing all bad parents as 'toxic'. "Most parents are well-meaning," she believes. "However, as a broad generalisation I would say that parents need to have the ability (and the capacity) to empathise with their child."
#4
I once said women weren't property and he STRONGLY disagreed.
Image credits: theoyourbestfriend
#5
Made me get gastric sleeve surgery.
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#6
My parents are flat earth/anti vaxers and left me on the couch for 4 days with a 103 fever and abdominal pain bc they didnt want to take me to a dr, it was a cyst 🤓.
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'Toxic' parents or parents who are 'not good enough' are on the whole unable to 'attune' to their child," Robins explains. "They are either too self-focused, too distracted, too stressed or too traumatised themselves to be in the moment with their child and to keep the child’s mind in mind."
For these types of parents, their relationship with their children is often a quid pro quo. "Narcissistic parents generally need something from their children rather than allowing the child to be safely dependent on them," Robins notes. This can come in forms of wanting the child to behave in ways that reflects well on the parents to maintain their image as 'good parents'. Other times, they want love, affection, and attention from their children so they can feel powerful.
#7
Force fed me liver and when I threw up m try to make me eat my throw up.
Image credits: chris.p.burrito
#8
She called the cops on me because I "stole food" (I ate something in the fridge).
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#9
My alcoholic mother who didnt even take care of me my whole life asked if I would be a surrogate for her and her boyfriend.
Image credits: bigpapaa18
Children who have toxic parents can often grow up to be people pleasers. They think that someone will love them only if they are serving someone else's needs. "Adults who have experienced this kind of parenting become people pleasers an sometimes compulsive caregivers expecting very little from relationships," Robins adds.
#10
My dad performed an “exorcism” on me because I had a MILD anxiety attack.
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#11
My mom told me I had demons and needed Jesus or an exorcism when I was having a panic attack because of her.
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#12
Took away my therapist when she recommended emancipation.
Image credits: .1ividd
Robins goes through some hints that might point to whether an adult grew up with 'not good enough' parents. She says that a lack of boundaries is one the tell-tale signs. Some parents don't allow their children privacy or don't shield them from adult fears and problems. "[They] will discuss intimate details of their marital relationship with their children, expecting the child to provide empathy and a sympathetic ear," Robins points out.
#13
I had a hatchet mark in my bedroom door as a teenager and nobody believed me when I said my mom was chasing me with a hatchet and I closed the door and she hit the door…. A few month later she did it.
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#14
Sent to wilderness therapy 2 TIMES.
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#15
Told her abt my SA that happened when I was 4 and 8 yrs old. She told me "you must've liked it if you didn't say anything for this long" I packed my stuff and I left that same day.
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Robins says that parentification is another sign of having 'not good enough' parents. Having too much responsibility, such as parenting your younger siblings, can result in dysfunctional relationships as an adult. Other dysfunctional parents use triangulation. As a strategy to get back at their spouse, they co-opt the child to side with them against the other parent.
#16
My father lets just say, likes children a little too much.
Image credits: that_0n3_gay_p3rs0n1
#17
Defended my r*pist on multiple occasions & refers to him as her SON.😀😀😀😀
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#18
I told my mom I was pregnant and not to tell anyone. Guess what she diiiiiiiiiiiiid.
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Toxic parents often guilt their children for not things their way. According to Robins, shame and shaming becomes a parenting strategy for these types of parents. "They will make the child feel guilty for having needs that aren't aligned with their own," she says. And they don't work to repair that relationship, either. Instead of talking things out, they use ' silent treatment' and expect the child to find out what they did wrong for themselves.
#19
My mom stole 20k from my grandma who has dementia. I do not talk to her.
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#20
My dad threatened to drive off the mountain while we were on a road trip because I didn't give him a gummy bear.
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#21
My dad's dog attacked me and I had to get 22 stitches, and then he proceeded to tell me that I had to pay the bill.
Image credits: katie.duncan3
Rosing explains that this guilt and shame contribute to why children of toxic parents choose to cut contact with them once they grow up. They believe that the only way to manage the relationship is to leave. And, Robins says, the guilt and shame won't end after going no-contact. "The adult child will need to learn to self-soothe and stay grounded in their decision making process," she explains.
#22
My stepmom is 2 hours older than me.
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#23
My bio father cheated on my bio mom while she was pregnant with me. she proceeds to give me the same name as this woman so I could " be his reminder of what he did".
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#24
I would come home from school and my mom will just start beating me and yelling at you because God told her what I was doing stuff at school. Turns out she was schizophrenic.
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The psychotherapist lists the things people can do to soothe their feelings of guilt and responsibility after they distance themselves from toxic parents:
- Accept that you will feel bad about this;
- Practice self-compassion;
- Gather understanding and empathetic people around you.
"You may experience disenfranchised grief as there is a lot of social disapproval around going no-contact," Robins shares a reminder. "It's seen by a lot of people as 'selfish' or extreme."
#25
When I was thirteen and going through puberty I got stretch marks for the first time and told my mom, she told me it was my fault for eating so much. Mind you she's a dietitian 😶.
Image credits: arieltheidiot
#26
Starved me for a week straight because of THEIR religion 😝.
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#27
She kicked me out over me getting Starbucks with my friend of 10+ years just bc my friend is black.
Image credits: _.mc._mundy._
Still, Robins encourages people to be brave and put themselves first. "Although you will need to take responsibility for your decision, that doesn't mean you are responsible for your parent's or your family's mental health or emotional wellbeing. Maintaining good emotional boundaries is part of a successful separation process," the psychotherapist says.
#28
My mom put my dog down without telling me and NO warning.
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#29
Step mom gave me a smoothie with RAT poison before Halloween so I couldn’t go trick or treating for my last year :).
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#30
My mom told me she should’ve aborted me when I was 15 and we are no contact now.
#31
Pushed her ED onto me and constantly harrassed me when I ate. She pressured me to lose weight/be as skinny as possible from the age 5, I was never over weight or anything.
#32
When i forgot my jacket in 3rd grade she made me kneel in the tub and pick 100 grains of pasta out w chopsticks. after every grain say “i won’t forget my jacket at school again”.
#33
When i didn’t wake up at a certain time in the morning, they’d take 30 minutes of my sleep and it got to a point i’d only sleep for 2 hours.
#34
My mom used my hair as a mop. We have a great relationship now 💀💀💀.
#35
My great grandma went into cardiac arrest when she found out my cousin married a black man.
#36
My lil brother is schizophrenic and one time my VERY religious parents tried to give him an exorcism at home, they believed his mental disorder was demons. And I had to anonymously call the cops.
#37
Forced me to undergo pelvic exam and get a Pap smear at 15 as a punishment. 🙃 I don’t talk to her anymore.
Image credits: dreadeddutchess
#38
My brother died and nobody told me. I found out by accidentally finding his ashes in my parents closet.
#39
My grandmother grabbed my crotch and asked if I was wearing a packer. It was not the first time she’s done something like that and it won’t be the last. I was horrified.
#40
My parents physically and verbally abused me throughout my childhood and then when I finally had a conversation about it with them they said that I was the abuser.
#41
My mom took my birth certificate with her to japan so i cant press charges against the man who SA'd me but luckily my (ex) Bf's mom helped me get a new one, and he's in jail now.
#42
My mom used to make bets with my siblings that I would get pregnant before I graduated high school. I was 12.
#43
When i was 15 my mom left me 100 miles from home with no money of phone..she then called my family and told them I ran away and was on dr*gs. I was abandoned.
#44
They adopted me as a baby and then sent me back to foster care as a teenager. my dad referred to it as a return sale.
#45
My mom is pro life. even for SA cases. i think that’s enough said.
#46
My parents thought I was faking being sick as a kid. I was having an organ failure and the only reason im alive is cuz my babcia brought me to the ER.
#47
Um my dad cheated on my mom with my best friends mom and then my mom cheated on my dad with my sisters situationship.
#48
I don't talk to my mom anymore. she abused my children. immediately cut off. but over the years I put up with a lot. force feeding me my own throw up, refusing medical care, starving me, poisoning.
#49
Once, my mom mocked the way i talked while we were eating dinner, annoyed i mocked abt hers too. She grabbed my hair and hit my head in our concrete wall (twice)...she didn't say sorry and acted like nothing happened.
#50
Alright sit down for this one. My dad promised to help me safe for college so while I was putting 90% of my part time income in a joint saved account he put 10% of his, when the time came I wanted to check how much we saved up, I open the account. $94.30 😃. I went to the bank and asked for a sheet of all the transactions little by little my 21k was being GAMBLED away. Into $94.
#51
I said i dont support elon musk. she did not like that and took away my therapist thinking she was influencing me.
#52
This one time I put A LITTLE eyeliner and my stepdad said I looked like a stripper 😻.
#53
Mom dragged me out of bed when I was asleep, down the hall, & down the stairs (all carpet) to do dishes (that I didnt even leave) at MIDNIGHT. on top of that, it was the night prior to ACT testing.
#54
Hid the fact that I have another sibling from me for YEARS while everyone else knew.
#55
Listened to me cry about not being invited to family events, and how much it hurt to feel excluded. Come to find out she was the one asking people not to invite me.
#56
My mum walked in on me having a bath and told me that when my bf sees how fat ill be on my wedding day "let's see if he still loves you".
#57
Grandfather died of a heart attack while in mexico and some lady claiming to be his "wife" wouldnt release the body to my
nana ... his wife of 60+ years.
#58
My ancestor led a cult. Like preaching from a throne and healing people with his hands kind of cult.
#59
I had family fighting both sides in ww2.
#60
My therapist SA’D me my mom then proceeded to tell me it was my fault and made me apologize to him ( I was 8 so I genuinely thought it was my fault).
#61
My grandpa nearly hit terry fox on the highway (wasn’t paying attention to the news) he didn’t know why the car was going so slow, went to pass and nearly made my family one of the most hated in Canada lol.
#62
Mom told me my stretch marks will get me r*ped😃.
#63
Well where do i start💀. Father dearest lets say has an attraction to young girls that happen to be of his own DNA. And mother dearest plays victim while genuinely DESTROYING lives.
#64
My dad sent me to a mental hospital because i was being too kind to my sister. i’m sorry? [tears].
#65
When I was 17, she had a psychotic meltdown and blamed me for the death of my 6 month old brother. I was 18 months old at the time of his death and I brutally explained why she was wrong for years.
#66
Bought my ex an uber from jail after he was released from assaulting me at my job.
#67
I got SA’d and my mom continues to blame me for it and not him. And I proceeded to get grounded for months from it…. My dad… lord he’s worse than my mom cause he said I “deserved it”.
#68
My mom found out i was bulimic and told me i needed to stop “ruining my teeth bc she paid a lot of money for my braces” and never brought it up again.
#69
My dad flat out told me “been telling all your friends you have daddy issues well you’re about to have them” sir they have BEEN there thanks.
#70
I broke my tibia at 11. My folks didn't believe I was hurt so I walked on it for 2 months.
#71
Sent me to the psych ward cause they were told celiac was a mental illness.
#72
Kicked me out of the house during the middle of the night, and blamed me for getting the police involved.
#73
Threw my mental health medication in my face then took a fist full of it herself and send “now I have to take them because is so hard to deal with you”.
#74
Locked me outside for a week, but brought three meals a day and I had a tent soooo…Also locked me out of my room for 4 months with the same five outfits cuz I didn’t get all A’s.
#75
I cut my hair cause im trans and wanted to be a boy and she said i wasnt apart of the family, just a monster living in her house.
#76
On my great grandmothers wedding day she was shot in the head by the groom. She survived and still married him once she recovered. They're buried together.
#77
My biological dad was in foster care so he dated his mom and didn't know it was his mom but she knew it was her son. ts messed him up for life.
#78
My brother was born on 9/11/2001 and my parents believe he is the reincarnation of the antichrist.
#79
Bonnie and Clyde asked my great grandpa and my Nana (she was maybe 6-7) asked if they can borrow their car. They said yes, that car is now in a museum.
#80
My drunken uncle tried to k**l my entire family over $10 when I was 7, me included.
#81
My great grandad was sent to the camps in the 40s and WALKED all the way back to his village in France to find his wife.
#82
There's an unsolved murder in my family but we all know who did it.
#83
Grandad cheated on my grandma with her sister on the wedding night and carried on for 20+ years, mom doesn't know how many of her 'cousins' are her half sibling.
#84
My grandpa is in prison for hiring a hitman on his ex wife.
#85
She found out I was in therapy and proceeded to listen to me whenever I was on call with her (it was during covid) and beat me when I told my therapist that she got rid of my depression medication.
#86
Long story short my mom signed me up for a self defense class bc someone tried to 💀 her when she was 13- she ended up pulling me out when she found out he was the one teaching the class.
