Giving a toast at a wedding can be a daunting task. In 2022, there were over two million marriages in total in the U.S. That's more than two million chances for a great or terrible speech. Most guests want to hear a speech that's not too long, somewhat humorous, and, most importantly, without any inappropriate remarks toward the bride and groom.
But not every person who makes a wedding toast gets that memo. Most people who have been to a wedding or two have witnessed a speech that made all the guests look sideways and cringe in embarrassment. Wanting to know some of these stories, one netizen decided to ask others to share their wildest stories. "Giving a toast at a wedding is common," the person wrote. "What's the worst thing you've heard someone say while they were giving one?"
I went to a wedding where the best man stood up and gave a speech as follows:
"May your wedding night be like KFC, a bit of breast, a little thigh, and when you're finished, nothing but a greasy box."
The bride and groom were furious. A lot of people laughed. The priest was one of them.At my wedding the best man, who grew up with my husband, was very nervous to give his toast. He began strong talking about their friendship and ended with how he wished us the very best for "as long as they are married". Our friends and family burst out laughing. He faced-palmed and corrected himself. We've been married 46 years and he still hasn't lived it down!Father of the bride toasting his daughter (he has 2 other daughters as well): "You know, she may not be the smartest or prettiest in the family, but let me tell you, she has a good heart!"
Like what the hell was he thinking? Everyone collectively cringed.Best man speech: "Back in high school when Bill first told me he liked Jackie I said Jackie!? Ewww! But that's how I knew Bill really liked her for who she was as a person ." and yeah Jackie was not very attractive.At my sister’s wedding our father said that the only thing that worried him was that she said she wanted six children and everybody knows that one out of every six babies born today is Chinese.My friend went to an out-of-town wedding where he basically only knew the groom and the girl he brought as a date. He for some reason felt compelled to do an interpretative dance instead of a speech. No one laughed and it was dead silent confusion.Best man went on and on about how hot the bride was, and how she had nice boobs. Then ended with “breast wishes” to the couple. It was so awkward.Drunk maid of (dis)honor disclosed that she’d hat-tricked the bride - slept with new husband (before he and bride started dating but still, and bride was unaware), bride’s brother, and bride’s dad. She started out great but was too drunk to read her prepared notes and decided to wing it instead. That first dance after dinner was pretty awkward, as bride’s parents were very much married, and during it everyone in the room silently did the math on her conquests based on pertinent details and realized she wasn’t 18 for any of the 3 encounters.
I was at a table of people who all kinda disliked the bride and even we all felt awful for her, it was so bad.
Wedding cost more than my current house, and was held at a yacht club that revoked the family’s membership on a morality clause the following day.My father opened his speech at my sister's wedding with "now, I know you have both been married before, but this time, perhaps things will work out". The father of the bride said my daughters brought some losers over the years and this is the worst one , but...Best man said, "I hope you (speaking to the bride) are well rested up and ready to be stretched because my boy gonna turn you into a pretzel tonight!" I'm not even fully sure what that means, but I was sitting right next to the father of the bride and he was not happy and the mother looked mortified."I was feeling a little nervous before my speech but I've just ripped a giant line in the bathroom and I'm feeling much better" - The Bestman
I thought it was great, literally noone else laughed.Mother’s cousin gave a best man toast for his younger brother, the groom. This was a New Jersey Italian-American wedding, where the groom’s family all hated the bride.
He said, “I wish [groom] and [bride] a whole lotta laughs because this is the biggest joke I’ve ever seen.”.Best man of a wedding I went to was heavily intoxicated and said something along the lines of “if only she knew what the girl looked like at your bachelor party that you were in bed with on the last night, she would understand how big of a catch she is for your ugly a*s.”
They didn’t make it to their honeymoon.Started giving a long, tearful speech about LGBTQ rights.
She was straight, the couple getting married was straight, and pretty much everyone in attendance was progressive. She was just using her brother's wedding to virtue signal. Yes, everyone here thinks gay people should be able to get married... not sure what that has to do with *this* couple whose toast you're giving at this exact moment...My friend’s father (father of the bride) just listed off everything he didn’t like about the groom in his speech at her wedding. So something like “well you’re not a doctor, you don’t have all of your hair, and you’re not the smartest man she’s dated. But welcome to the family I guess.” Suuuuuuper awkward. The grooms family took the opposite direction and gushed about how much they loved my friend. Made the father look even worse in comparison.Father of the bride made negative comments about couples having sex before marriage and said "we used to call him our SIN in law".A joint parents' toast that cleverly, relentlessly, and at-length hinted at the desire for grandchildren pronto. Really wonderful couple, went on to face heartbreaking infertility and loss. I hope they don't remember it.This is the story of a toast spiraling out of control. Couple in their early sixties got married in Houston, TX. Drinks were served prior to dinner. At dinner, the now-wife’s cousin rose, somewhat unsteadily, took the microphone and began her toast of the newlyweds. I remember it started fine and I wasn’t really paying attention because I barely knew anyone involved; just platitudes about the happy couple.
My ears perked up - and I started to greatly enjoy the wedding - when she started talking about Jesus. So much Jesus. And so suddenly! One minute it was “I love my cousin and she looks so happy”. The next was “Praise Jesus and only He can protect the divine institution of marriage for it is to Him that we give our hearts and it is Jesus to whom we hold most dear and to Jesus that we must repent our sins . . . .” Etc. Etc.
Meanwhile, one or more of her relatives, who clearly had had enough of her s**t, were trying to politely and unobtrusively get within snatching distance of the microphone. But Jesus did indeed have the Cousin’s back that day and she was able to weave and dodge, all while increasing the volume of her prayers to a Jesus that she clearly considered to be both all powerful and deaf.
It was magnificent. And it was the groom who eventually was able to gently coax the microphone out of the Cousin’s hands and she triumphantly went back to her table where she spent the rest of the night getting sozzled on cheap wine.
All-in-all, 14/10 as far as weddings go.My dad is hilarious and loving, but public speaking isn't his strong suit. At my younger sister's wedding a few years ago, he gave this rambling speech where he described her as a "plane that just taxied on the runway forever, and you wondered if it would ever take off." He was trying to say she was a late bloomer, but he made this hand motion of a plane just stuck on the runway. We gave him so much grief for that because he basically told everyone she didn't "blossom" until she met her husband, who's the life of the party.
Fast forward to my wedding a few months ago. I jokingly told him he needed to step up his game after my sister's speech. I was sure he'd put more effort into mine after all the teasing he got. Nope. He told everyone that he thought I was autistic when I was young and ended it by saying, "but I don't think she turned out to be." I spent the rest of my wedding night fake laughing at everyone's autism jokes. Thanks, Dad.Reception at a country club with a golf course.
A lot of the friends and family were members.
Father of the bride explains how she was conceived on the green at hole 9.Best man. “They say weddings are all about love and honor. I don’t know much about love, but as for honor… get on her and stay on her!”
Everyone cringed so hard, especially their parents and grandparents.The father of the bride said "I'll try not to despise my son-in-law as much as I used to" and laughed hard.The best man at my wedding gave a toast that was longer than our ceremony. He wore a costume. He talked more about their teachers from high school than he did about us. He brought in a guitar player that he hired to play two parody songs that he wrote that were literally just rehashing what he had already said. We actually had to cut him off so we could serve the meal.The best man was drunk af, quoted Hitler, and dropped the mic 3 times.I was the best man, I was giving a toast after the father of the bride, who recounted in his toast that she was born on a Middle Eastern US military base while he was serving and how he could have sold her to some sheikh. That was a hell of an act to follow.It was me. I was the best man at my brother's wedding. I said, "Here's to hoping this straightens him out!" - Spoiler: It didn't.At my wedding my lifelong friend, whom with I had a completely platonic and non romantic relationship with, got up and gave a very drunk, very love professing speech to me in front of a large room full of people she had never met.
She cried and said that the day was such a sad day because she had to let go of the one she was meant to spend her future with.
Maybe not the absolute worst thing anyone has ever said in a wedding speech, but definitely the worst for mine because it kinda changed the vibe for a little bit xD everything was good to go by the time the wife and I got to our honeymoon that night though lmao.The bride and groom had been friends for a year and part of the same social circle. Group was supposed to go to a concert but due to circumstances, only the bride and groom showed up, got drunk, hooked up and the rest is history.
One of the groomsmen told the story about how if he hadn't gotten drunk the night before he would have went to the concert and she would be marrying him instead.
It might have sounded better in his mind but it came off as selfish and jealous.My wife has multiple female cousins and we’ve been going to their weddings for the past few years as they all get hitched. My two favorite so far:
1: maid of honor/older sister gave a quick blurb about the newlyweds and then talked about herself for 5 minutes. I actually predicted she would do this beforehand and my wife got mad at me for it.
2: same maid of honor/older sister along with brides twin sister putting on a two women skit about how bride is actually a secret agent (code names and all) and her mission is to capture the groom. 10 minutes of solid cringe.
