So many things, including detrimental ones, can seem “cool” or desirable in the movies. For instance, nostalgia over a long-lost love, encouraging the main character to fight for said love time and again, or the melancholy that overtakes one’s mind after a night of drinking and chain-smoking cigarettes.
In reality, neither is actually cool; the first scenario is someone balancing on the thin line between being a romantic and a stalker and the second one, well, that’s no fun in real life, so it probably shouldn’t be romanticized, either. Be that as it may, many things are romanticized by people, despite them being pretty awful in real life.
Members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community recently discussed such awful things that people tend to romanticize after one user started a thread about it, and their answers compiled quite an extensive list. If you’re curious to learn what awful things they pointed to, scroll down to find the question that started the discussion and the netizens’ thoughts below.
On the list below you will also find Bored Panda’s interview with a clinical psychologist, author, wellness coach, and mental health advocate, Dr. Monica Vermani, who was kind enough to answer a few of our questions about how romanticizing detrimental things can affect our well-being and our relationships.
#1
Reuniting estranged families. Usual tropes "they love you really" "but she's your mother". Irrelevant. S****y people are s****y people and just because they're FaMiLy doesn't mean you have to have them in your life.
Image credits: PlinkPlonkFizz
#2
Mental illness. People want it as an "aesthetic" but it's actually a living hell being at war with your own mind.
Image credits: disposable_fetish
#3
The past. It wasn’t better. It had its own difficulties and good things. Different. I’m a fan of air conditioning and musicals and ebooks.
G00DDRAWER:
You want to live in Renaissance Italy? Enjoy the disease, and odors. I'll stay here with penicillin and plumbing.
Image credits: aintnomonomo1
Talking about why some people and society as a whole tend to romanticize certain things, sometimes even those that can have a negative impact on them, clinical psychologist Dr. Monica Vermani noted that as human beings, we are social animals; and so the way we behave or the things we value can be significantly influenced by our environment and the people in it.
“From the day we are born, we begin to observe our environment, our caregivers, and family members. Toddlers and young children absorb it all – behaviors on the playground, in classroom settings, social gatherings.
“Throughout our lives, we take on roles in order to blend in, be accepted, and be part of social groups. Everything, from our personal appearance, the way we express ourselves, and our body language, is influenced by our environment and social group,” she noted.
“By the time we are adults, we’ve identified role models, goals, habits, and preferences. The way we interact with others, our attitude towards work and work-life balance, the degree of importance we place on material goods to define our worth and status, beauty standards, the value we place on security, what we look for, value, and expect from a romantic partner—the list is endless—are often heavily influenced by external factors.”
#4
Big weddings - you spend thousands upon thousands of dollars and tons of stress all for show.
SwimmingAir8274:
For one day. You pay enough to put a down-payment on a house for one day...
That will never make sense to me.
Image credits: Critical-Annual-3659
#5
Public proposals, or proposals at another person’s wedding. Just don’t.
Image credits: flugualbinder
“The romanticized ideal lives of hard-driving, high-earning senior executives, successful entertainers, perfect wives and mothers, glamourous, freedom-loving digital nomads, social media influencers, trendsetters, and sports legends are just that. They fail to reveal such life stories in their entirety. And they set standards for success, material wealth, and luxurious lifestyles that can leave some people feeling depressed, anxious, or disappointed in themselves,” Dr. Vermani continued.
“In recent years, our exposure to impossible standards has, for many people, become overwhelming. Spend a little time on social media, and you will be exposed to ‘influencers’ from all walks of life, living it up, working from exotic destinations, enjoying glamourous social lives, surrounded by luxuries, and making it all seem so easy.
“Many of these standards—including impossible beauty standards, a need or desire for a demanding career, the best car, a prestigious home, expensive furniture, designer handbags, shoes, jewelry, and clothing, costly exotic travel, and fine dining—are almost impossible to achieve. The reality is that even if we were to attain, acquire, or achieve them, we are likely to feel unfulfilled, empty, and perhaps in financial trouble. We could end up suffering from stress and burnout, and feel disconnected from our true authentic selves.”
#6
Harassing a woman to go on a date with you after she’s repeatedly turned you down. Real life isn’t like The Notebook.
Image credits: PinkFruityPunch
#7
High school.
Accomplished-Kale-77:
It literally irks me more than anything when I hear people say “high school is the best years of your life”
Just screams “I peaked in High school” to me.
Image credits: dottmatrix
#8
Tradwife ideology is running rampant online with out any consideration of how it actually was to be a housewife in the times they romanticize. It was awful. They don’t want to be 50s housewives, they want to play rich people pretend.
Image credits: Shonky_Honker
Dr. Vermani noted that trying to reach all sorts of unattainable standards might leave us feeling discouraged, defeated, and less than others, consequently pushing us to spiral into low self-esteem and self-doubt.
“Low self-esteem, low self-worth, and self-doubt hinder our personal growth and limit our understanding, acceptance, and interactions with others. These limitations can lead to anxiety, depression, poor coping skills, and unhealthy behaviors and habits, like over-indulging in alcohol or drugs, overworking, and other choices that negatively impact their health and quality of life,” the expert said.
#9
The fashion industry. It still actively celebrates dangerously thin bodies above all others. And spending thousands of dollars on a single outfit is kind of disgusting.
Image credits: LoveColonels
#10
Romeo and Juliet. They were teenagers who barely knew each other and they both ended up dead.
Image credits: Notmyrealname
#11
Mafias.
They’re not classy criminals with a code. They’re criminal criminals no different from biker gangs (also a little romanticised) or d**g cartels.
Image credits: cewumu
Unsurprisingly, romanticizing all sorts of detrimental things can influence not only our own well-being, but our relationships, too. Asked about the role such romanticizing can have on our relationships, Dr. Vermani emphasized that the most important relationship we will ever have is with ourselves, so it’s important to stay true to ourselves without reaching for some romanticized scenario.
“When we turn away from our authenticity and fail to relate authentically to our partner or take on romanticized roles, we are essentially trying to be someone we are not, and deserting our authentic selves in the process,” the clinical psychologist said.
“When we allow external influences about what a relationship should be, the role or roles we should take on, how we should behave, what we expect from our partner, and other behaviors, and relationship dynamics that are inauthentic to who we truly are to set the rules, standards, and goals of our relationships, we are setting ourselves up for conflict, disappointment, and failure.”
#12
When women are kids they are told boys have a crush on them if they’re mean to them.
This leads to women being in awful relationships.
#13
The "bad boy" BF.
Such-Anything-498:
I went on a date with a guy, and I could tell that he was trying to come off as a bad boy. We went to the same college, so all I could think was "We are both too old for this ?" We did not go on another date.
PositionFar26:
I blame Hollywood for glamorizing it with hunky men in leather jackets
Image credits: UpbeatMarionberry820
#14
"You have to love yourself before anybody else can love you" is some of the most toxic garbage. I'm so tired of hearing it.
Sometimes, especially if you have a history of being abused, it's really hard to love yourself. Like, you just don't know how. People have to show you the way. Yeah, I mean it's ultimately up to you to do the deep inner work but other people can be the lighthouse you need to get there.
People don't heal in isolation through individualism. I don't believe in love because of a self-help book, a podcast, some IG influencer guru. I believe in love because my friends chose me to be part of their family, my grandmother made sure I had food and help with my homework when my single mom worked nights, my husband didn't leave when I was in the trenches of mental illness, because animals and total strangers have shown me kindness and care when I felt ugly and unlovable, and because of how the beauty found in the natural world is made from the same stardust as me ?.
As with most situations, there is a way to get out of it, if you feel that romanticizing certain scenarios is clouding your judgment or making life needlessly difficult. Talking about ways to do that, Dr. Vermani summed up that the best cure for such situations is authenticity, and luckily, there are ways you can connect with your authentic self.
“We owe it to ourselves to be our authentic selves! We are all unique. We have a unique combination of attributes, abilities, attitudes, capabilities, and preferences. We suffer a great deal when we abandon our authentic selves. The antidote to inauthenticity is, of course, authenticity,” the expert told Bored Panda.
“The question is: How can we step away from impossible external role modeling and standards, and connect with our authentic selves? The answer: work on improving our EQ (emotional intelligence).”
#15
Cheating for their “soulmate”. In movies, and often in real life, people will be in a relationships when they find “the one who gets them”. Doesn’t matter how s****y the current partner is that’s literally cheating either way.
#16
Being a world-famous celebrity.
Every word and action of yours is monitored and judged, and you will be surrounded by people trying to use you and get you into shady stuff.
All the while the masses show endless adoration for the persona you hold that's not the real you, but the one you and/or your agency created to continue to appeal to your fanbase and keep your job.
The celebrity industry has allowed some very good people to do very good things, but has eaten up and spat out most of the people that come near it.
Image credits: fortifier22
#17
Fighting a lot with your partner.
No, it's not "passionate", it's quite often just straight up abuse from one or both parties.
Image credits: snufkin79
“What exactly is EQ? Our IQ (intelligence quotient) is a measurement of our knowledge of the outer world, how it works, and how we reason with the world and solve outer-world problems,” Dr. Vermani noted.
“Apply this definition to your inner world, and you are on your way to understanding the meaning of emotional intelligence. EQ is a measure of how well we know and understand our inner selves, our feelings, what makes us tick, and how well we comprehend and interact with others.”
#18
Living in a van.
one_pound_of_flesh:
People think it is camping on the pacific coast and surfing with your hot girlfriend, sleeping in an insta worthy VW van.
In reality it is peeing in a milk jug and parking at Walmart.
Image credits: myjah
#19
The grindset. When taken to extreme it can be really hard to get out of and extremely detrimental to mental health. Sometimes it leads to people identifying with external goals too much.
Image credits: imakangaroo7
#20
Living in NYC. Tiny living space, expensive, everywhere you go there are people, there’s always a line, one time someone threw a live rat at my friend.
Image credits: luckycharm82
“When we define ourselves by external standards, rather than what we authentically want for ourselves, we can end up in a place of self-doubt and low self-esteem. This impedes our personal growth and leads us away from our authenticity. Over time, this lack of authenticity can lead to anxiety, depression, and harmful behaviors and habits,” the expert pointed out.
“You can begin to reconnect with your authentic self by focusing on raising your EQ. Raising your EQ begins with you, getting to know yourself, and your emotions. When you understand what triggers anger and other negative emotions, you can better regulate your actions and reactions to situations and interactions with others. A greater self-awareness leads to an increase in the ability to make choices that align with who you truly are and what you want for yourself.”
#21
Smoking.
Stinky, dirty, plus a wide assortment of health impacts.
#22
Gangs/thug life. That's so awful and dangerous.
#23
“Working for yourself”. Sounds dreamy, right? More like “stressfully juggling ALL the things 24/7”.
Image credits: Icy_Welcome1905
“A deeper and closer relationship with yourself allows you to begin to relate authentically to others. This leads to better social skills. Better social skills allow you, at your highest and best, to interact with confidence, in the moment, with compassion for yourself and others,” Dr. Vermani said, adding that:
“We need to pay attention to our negative thoughts and self-limiting beliefs.
“We need to challenge the impossible standards we set for ourselves.
“We need to treat ourselves with compassion.
“We need to reconnect with and stand up for our authentic selves.
“We need to prioritize our authenticity.”
By doing that, we can clear our mind of all sorts of romanticized scenarios that are actually pretty awful, and focus on being our true selves, which, in turn, will allow us to create stronger relationships and arguably a calmer mind.
#24
Travelling for work.
You'll be going to stupid awkward places you don't want to go, on a student pittance of a budget. Your decidedly meh hotel is also probably a long way from where you need to be and doesn't include anything like breakfasts.
Image credits: Shoddy-Computer2377
#25
Consumerism, most people are buying tons of s**t they don’t need or really even want just because ‘everyone’ else has it.
Don’t get me started about Christmas. We quit exchanging gifts forever ago. So much less stressful.
#26
Neediness. People like to pretend that having a partner or friends or family who you do everything with is the best thing in the world but honestly everyone needs to learn to do things alone.
If you don't learn to do things alone you will end up in codependent relationships with everyone and then get miserable when those people have their own lives.
#27
Pregnancy. It is romanticized to the point you have no idea what you actually walk into. You’re told it’s some beautiful thing and a good thing for society. Then society shames you no matter your decision for YOUR pregnancy and labor choices and no one tells you about the horrors of it all. ✨ But sure 100% let’s romanticize pregnancy.
Image credits: Ok_Vanilla9496
#28
Autism. Especially online. (Saying this as an autistic person).
Image credits: New-Passenger-882
#29
Joker and Harley Quinn.... she has stockhome syndrome and battered wife syndrome (BWS, and yeah i dont like how it sounds either) but idiotic people will be like "OMG were just like Harley and the Joker!"...
yeah, suuuuuper cute..... /s.
#30
Chronic illnesses. It isn’t fun to pass out and feel like s**t daily. I cannot stand seeing videos online “watch my bf hold me while I pass out” and someone gracefully passes out while their bf holds them and they wake up all wide eyed and bushy tailed smiling. Last time I went out I just drop and wake up shaking and confused. It isn’t fun.
