A relationship ending can be absolutely heartbreaking no matter the reason. But few things are more painful than the relationship being brought to a halt by your partner’s infidelity.
As arguably no one enters a relationship thinking their partner could break their trust like that, sometimes they might be somewhat oblivious to the signs suggesting otherwise. That is until such signs become obvious.
One redditor got curious about signs that might be signaling an unfaithful partner. They turned to the ‘Ask Reddit’ community, asking its members to share what were the indicative red flags in their relationship, and share they did. Scroll down to find their stories on the list below, and feel free to share yours in the comments (if you feel like it), if you believe that there are more signs that people should pay more attention to.
#1
Projecting. Many years back I dated someone who was extremely jealous of other women, constantly wanted to go through my phone, constantly checked up on me, regularly accusing me of cheating on her, etc and turns out she was doing all of that herself the entire time.
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#2
Sudden interest in losing weight, distance, unwarranted anger at me, work trips away with late flights home, lack of interest in me or my family, lack of interest in sex (with me anyway). Looking back they add up but at the time it can be hard to put your finger on and in my instance I thought he was depressed (lol).
Image credits: puffinpuffpuffin
#3
Asking for an open relationship. It's either already happened, or it's going to happen.
Image credits: morbidangel27
#4
Here's a lesson learned:
If they cheated *with* you, then they will absolutely cheat *on* you.
Image credits: Peregrine2976
#5
Look out for over explanation of simple things. When the dinner with her friend has a tv script attached to it you know something’s up Guess this is more for ongoing cheating but still applicable I guess
Image credits: Notlad0122
#6
They suddenly stop caring/become mean
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#7
We had a 15 year marriage. About 7/8 years in, I found men's underwear beneath the headboard. There were 2 pairs and I thought it was very strange as I'd never seen them before, but she assured me that they were mine from ages ago. I always found this odd but never had any other indication of cheating.
12 years in, the exact same thing happens. I find a pair of socks that definitely isn't mine. I would never buy them, they were of some show I'd never seen. She said they were a secret santa gift from a co-worker and I believed it.
I still don't know for sure about the first two times, but 3 years ago almost to the day I walked in on her having sex with our neighbour.
Image credits: rotating_pebble
#8
I always find it unusual when i just start getting accused of cheating or an unusual amount of fabricated fights cos i immediately recognise a guilty conscience.
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#9
When they started using their phone in "secret agent mode" and suddenly had an inexplicable interest in “getting really fit” with someone who wasn’t you, those were the signs. It’s like watching a poorly disguised heist movie where you’re the last to know.
Image credits: conglectchoup_change
#10
I used to think cheaters were the hot and arrogant 'Brads' so I stopped dating the popular kids when I was a teenager, and went for the cute geek gamer type. Turns out he cheated on me; which was the most pain I felt when I was 27 because the thought never crossed my mind that someone I loved so much and someone I thought was so kind would be able to hurt me that bad.
There is no type :(
Image credits: FrenchynNorthAmerica
#11
Whatever trace of my presence I left in his apartment (e.g. a sticker, a hairpin, a note), it made him upset coz he considered it “possessive”. The truth is, he just wanted his crib to pass for a bachelor pad, so that no other woman would suspect he was in a relationship.
Also, he did his best to look single when attending any parties together with me under the pretext “I hate clinginess in public”. Ya know, just in case he’d run into someone he was interested in.
With hindsight, I should never had ignored those signs or found excuses.
Image credits: Anitolag
#12
Starting fights, being defensive / projecting. He would start fights over nothing to try to get me to leave or him leave. He would literally start fights when he was about to cheat on me or after to make himself feel less guilty I guess?
I would say being secretive of their phone is a big one, but mine was overly NOT secretive of his phone. I’m almost positive he had a burner somewhere, but I also had never looked through his phone in the decade that we were together so he didn’t really need to be super secretive. But one day I got a gut feeling (we were about to buy a house). Gave in to my gut feeling and went through his phone when he fell asleep and that was it - years and years of cheating and so much more lol.
So GUT INSTINCT is the biggest one for me. May not be an early sign, but is a sign you should not ignore. I was suppressing my gut instincts for so long because of trauma that I assumed I was just overreacting or had anxiety. But no…I wish I had trusted it sooner.
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#13
A hard shift in typical behavior, usually revolving around things that were previously public suddenly being secret.
I caught my ex gf cheating bc she would usually talk about where/who she was with often. Then suddenly became vague about those details. She used to have me use her phone to look things up, and around that same time she suddenly was very guarded about where it was and wouldnt let me look. She also stopped sharing her work schedule.
She got caught because she said she would be working a double, and I had already suspected some shenanigans, so when I casually walked in to her work (and not call her cell directly) to ask her something they said she wasnt there. I immediately called her cell and she said she was in her unit and not to disturb her. “If you were at work we would be having this convo face to face” and hung up. She knew it was over. We had the talk a few hours later and went our separate ways.
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#14
Increased phone use, change of habits, dressing better than ‘usual’, looking after themselves better, might mention someone often, being defensive when asked innocent questions, being distant, being aggressive towards you, story of where they were and with whom changes….etc etc
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#15
I feel some of these comments are missing that the question asked for signs before the cheater ever cheated.
Before my ex ever started suddenly having to work late and early (because he was seeing his AP before and after work) I should have known he would cheat because of his poor boundaries around other women. He would claim he was naturally flirty but it didn't mean anything. He'd always have girl 'besties' that he was too close to. He was too affectionate to other women, like he'd want to play with their hair and ask them to play with his. Basically he was welcoming opportunities for feelings to grow. I don't think he ever made the first move but he encouraged. I know for a fact there were at least two different girls he cheated with. But I suspect one or two others.
I have to coparent with him. He got himself a new girlfriend that's 10 years younger and he's doing the same exact thing with her. It's only a matter of time. This girl seems jealous of me for some reason when she needs to direct her energy to her best friend / his current "bestie".
Image credits: InnocentHeathy
#16
I was very young and naive, and he was my first love. I eventually found solid proof of cheating (multiple times), but here were some good warning signs:
- “disappearing” at the end of the night / unreachable until the next morning
- secretive with phone & deleted all text messages
- kept me away from friends and family
- would not include me on “guys night out” even though the other guys brought their girlfriends
- very reluctant to declare our relationship “official”; avoided claiming me as his “girlfriend”
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#17
He started being mean for no reason and when we’d go out drinking he’d ask why I was so nice to him.
It was a weird combination of mean for no reason and constantly telling me how nice and kind I was & that he didn’t deserve it..
Then one day while scrolling on someones dog rescue page I heard some older lady passively say “if your dog starts snapping at you, somebody else is feeding it!!”
It’s like a lightbulb went off and everything connected!!
#18
It wasn’t hard to figure out because my husband was a teacher and so was his affair partner. Two things.
1. His car was in the shop. I went to the school to pick him and walked towards his classroom. It was almost Christmas and his affair partner met me in the hallway to greet me and said she had a present for my son. I accepted but thought it was weird.
2. My husband rolled over in bed and I noticed that his phone was on, so I picked it up and it went directly to the Facebook page of the woman I had met just days earlier.
He and she first had sex on Mother’s Day.
I’m not bitter at all.
#19
He checked out other women. Not just a bit, but in obvious ways. I’m also here to say that people that chase after that exciting feeling of love are, in my opinion, much more likely to cheat. They’ll always be searching for that feeling and you can’t give them that forever. They also give themselves away in small ways like saying all men cheat or that they’re “not a good person”. They’ll even say these in a joking way, but actually they’re telling on themselves. Also just a little extra note, stay away from men that disrespect older women or older people in general. It was a big sign that he wanted to cling onto his youth. People like that will usually cheat on you with someone younger someday because they hate growing old. Hope that helps!
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#20
Also have to add: my first indication was this one time I took his vehicle to take the dogs to the park… One of them is a notorious crotch sniffer. She was overly interested in the front passenger seat. Knowing her inclination for a good crotch sniff, my mind immediately went to questioning who’s smelly c*but was sitting in that seat.
Turns out he was having sex with the side chick in the front passenger seat.
Dogs know.
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#21
Weird feeling in your guts, when everything has been alright for years.
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#22
He became meaner and colder towards me and was way more secretive with his phone. I don’t know if he physically cheated but he absolutely planned to and was having some kind of emotional affair. It’s so so obvious looking back and I kind of knew at the time but didn’t want to believe it as I’m pregnant and I couldn’t imagine him ever hurting me that badly. We’ve been broken up 2 months now.
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#23
I've had 3 different occurrences of this, so here they are:
1. Start talking a lot about "an old friend of mine, she's so cool, we hangout until 3am yesterday"
2. Saying that he worries I'm gonna leave him for another person one day, jealous of my friends, saying some of my friends must have a crush on me
2. Way more lovey-dovey than usual
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#24
Building the narrative that he was the victim and I was the villain. Eventually to make it sound like the idea of him cheating was ‘another crazy accusation’. He started doing things like leaving the back door unlocked when he would go out. So that I would mention it when he came home - then he would deny it. Or he would move things, like take things out of our living room and put them in the garage - and when I couldn’t find them he would say he didn’t know what I was talking about. And I would then find them and accuse him of moving them - which he of course denies. Double book stuff then make out I never told him of original plans, and having to cancel was me being insecure. And then just doing other s****y things so that I would have a go at him. He would take the lunch I made for work and then tell me I never made it and he would never just take it. Like I really didn’t realise at first what was going on. But he was painting the picture that I was both going crazy and making stuff up and that I was always having a go/making accusations. And that he was constantly having to deal with me making accusations or being horrible. I picked up on it when he started telling his parents and friends about how much I had a go at him and blamed him for stuff that he ‘honestly’ had know idea about.
He was doing a great job at laying out the narrative that I was paranoid and insecure and making stuff up. So that when his cheating became less careful I just sounded to everyone like I was having a go at him again and being insecure and wanting an excuse for an argument.
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#25
Started watching his diet, taking salads for lunch. Became very protective of his phone. Would go to bed early and would be on the phone when I finally came in - claimed he was playing Candy Crush. Became generally quiet, moody and petulant.
#26
Crocodile tears when I accused him of cheating. There are psychopaths and sociopaths that are experts in their games. Don’t buy it. Your gut feel will always tell you.
#27
Insane Jealousy/Accusations
Weird phone behavior
Picking fights
Dropping off/avoiding conversation
Becoming obsessed with their looks/appearance/workout
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#28
Women swooned over him regularly. I learned that there’s an invisible “Open For Business” sign that some people wear. It’s a vibe. Those with no intention of cheating keep that invisible sign turned off, and the opposite sex can tell.
When I was married the first time, I kept that sign off, and never had to fend off a man from hitting on me. When I was divorced and dating again, I turned my invisible sign on and never wanted for male attention. When I met my 2nd husband, the sign went back off. It’s all about the vibe you throw out there. Cheaters always have the sign on.
Image credits: Blue85Heron
#29
Precognitive dreams, gut instinct, women's items that aren't yours, women's hairs that aren't yours in their house, leaving super super early for work when you know their work doesn't open for hours after, suddenly wanting to get fit, lying about other things, projecting, picking fights to call a "break" at convenient times (birthday, holiday) then come crawling back a week later, d**g abuse (easy to give into temptation) aggressiveness, lack of intimacy, stories changing each time theyre recounted, setting their relationship status to "me only", gaslighting that gets more severe over time to paint you as insecure and "all in your head" etc
Also, proposing openness to a threesome in early days. People who are truly monogamous wouldn't want to open a relationship in any sense, if they're open to the idea then they'll want to pursue it eventually.
#30
Acting like they hate a certain person like really dispise them when in actual fact they fancy them and are secretly seducing them.
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#31
Disengaging in general and prioritizing outside activities over existing plans together. Most especially never trust someone who ditches you over the holidays.
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#32
1. Being really secretive with his phone to the point he wouldn't even look at it if I was watching/close by to him.
2. Picking fights with me about the *tiniest* of things.
3. Going to the gym almost every day and eating healthier.
4. Getting angry with me when I would ask about date nights/future plans/holidays we need to book etc.
Happened more than once, which is why I knew every single time he did it.
#33
I had a boyfriend who asked me about polyamory and if I was interested. I told him I wouldn’t be against it but it depends on the right person. Suddenly a week later he had a ‘person in mind’ whom I was fine with but when it didn’t work out and I tried calling it off (multiple times) he kept telling me I had to “keep trying” to the point I had constant panic attacks. It took awhile for me to finally end it cause at the time I had low self worth (from previous bf) and just wanted someone. Dumb**s really thought it was a mutual break up too ?
Eventually I found messages of her telling him it was “love at first sight” when they had met in class a few months ago. Whether they cheated or not, appeared to be all planned in my opinion.
As some of the comments say, geeky and ugly don’t matter, if attention comes their way they’ll entertain it. My current husband is actually the most attractive person (in my opinion ofcourse lol) I’ve dated and has treated me the best!
#34
Being empathetic to their married friend who was cheating.
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#35
Was suddenly super paranoid about me cheating to the point I wasn’t ‘allowed’ hang out with people of the opposite sex even in groups, even thought he’d previously been cool with me having male friends. Reading my texts while I showered, convinced I was deleting things when he couldn’t find anything. He was projecting his behaviour onto me.
#36
I’d say any new hobby or interest is suspect. A lot of people are mentioning a new interest in improving their appearance in some way, but my ex-boyfriend became suddenly and fanatically vegan, after years of being a big meat eater. Turns out the girl he was cheating on me with was a militant vegan.
My ex-husband had a dramatic turn in his taste in music when he was cheating. He also started recommending restaurants that we’d never been to, but all of sudden, he loved them. It was so obvious in hindsight!
#37
Usually there are little changes in their behavior and demeanor. They start snapping at you for silly things or for stuff that never bothered them before. They start telling you things they don't like or want you to change. They become secretive with their phone, taking it to the bathroom with them, or turning notifications down or off. Leaving the room to answer calls.
#38
The first one started being really busy apparently and never had time for anyone. She started talking to her ex and making time for him me being a dumb kid didn’t realize what she was doing until she had done it.
The 2nd one accused me of checking out every girl we walked past or any girl that was in public. Became extremely defensive when I asked what she was doing after work. Then started going through my phone and accusing me of cheating on her(she’d change her name in my phone).
Finally the last one just started randomly disappearing after dinner or in the middle of the night. I’d ask her about it and she’d feign ignorance. Then she’d start picking fights with my friends significant others and demand to leave after we arrive at a party. She also then started hanging out with a work friend a lot and if I asked what they were doing or if they were having fun she’d tell me to bugger off or tell me I was being jealous for no reason.
Looking back I’ve had a rough time dating lol.
#39
When they're unhappy about something in your relationship and the suddenly stop caring about it.
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#40
Coldness. Impatience. Staying late at work or going to meetings more. Sharing stories about this person. ‘Accidentally’ bumping into this person at social events. Then finally: “Maybe we should see other people too”.
Image credits: PunderandLightnin
#41
Subtle changes in communication. They started being more vague about how they're day went. Returning texts and calls aren't as much as a priority as they used to be
#42
They started sleeping in another room ‘because of snoring.’ Really they just wanted to be able to text and call their AP.
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#43
Lying about other, inconsequential things.
#44
Texts from a "new co-worker". Changes in phone access or placing it screen side down when that didn't used to be the case. New workout routines. Joining a run club lol.
#45
Trust your gut. But a bog change can bring it out. A new job with new people van bring new behaviors that at first seem normal...because it's new. Talking about a person more but then stop talking about them all together with no reason. Weird phone behavior is definitely a part of what made me see. Came home after a work thing pretty drunk and I went through his phone and found the evidence I knew would be there. My gut told me and I was right.
#46
When they cheated on someone before. Statistically speaking someone who cheated once is 3x more likely to do it again. Apparently once that taboo is broken, it’s far easier to repeat it. You might be the lucky exception, but chances are, you’re probably not.
And especially if they cheated on their previous partner with you, they WILL most likely do that same s**t to you, no matter how much they say they’ve changed. I learned that the hard way.
#47
Multiple things:
1. Lack of effort and care
2. Don’t communicate their feelings
3. Start withholding information
4. Always on the phone
5. Always keep bickering
#48
When the sex is different. Like they have a new move or the rhythm is not the same as it usually is.
And the whole “trust your gut” thing.
#49
They tend to be more selfish individuals and have tendency to be cruel toward you.
#50
He got a call and called the person “sweetie”. When I asked him about it he said it was his mother. I questioned him on calling his mom “sweetie” and he acted surprised.
Turns out it was his ex whom he was secretly making plans to move back in with.
It was a short term relationship for me so I got out before more damage was done. Several months later his ex (who he was now living with again) found out that he had been two timing her and kicked him to the curb.
#51
Happened to me in college but hindsight is 20/20 and the dead giveaway is getting the “sorry I fell asleep” excuse after not hearing from her all night.
#52
The guy she cheated on me with we only very briefly met a few days earlier at a club when he came up to me and said my girlfriend was hot. He then used the pics that had been posted later on Facebook to work out who my gf was and added her and together they planned a meet at the club. I caught her out the night she went and broke up with her the following morning.
#53
He became mean and angry, wouldn’t go to bed at the same time, and started working out.
#54
He had a history of cheating. You always think it will be different with you.
#55
I don't know about indicators of *planning to cheat,* but if they aren't answering your phone calls and forgetting to call you back, they are probably already cheating.
