Becoming a parent can be one of the most rewarding things you do in life. However, that doesn’t mean that it’s easy! Raising your kids right is a huge challenge that’s going to test your patience, limits, and ingenuity. From time to time, you might wonder whether there are any shortcuts you could take to motivate your kids to behave just a bit better.
Luckily, some parents share their best tips and helpful advice online. Bored Panda has collected some savvy parents’ parenting hacks, reverse psychology tricks, and other bits of wisdom that they use at home to share with you from all over the internet, including this viral thread. Scroll down to have a read, and if you have any similar tricks to share with all the other readers, feel free to do so in the comments!
Bored Panda got in touch with parenting blogger Samantha Scroggin, the creator of Walking Outside in Slippers, for her thoughts on misbehavior and why honesty may be the best policy when it comes to parenting. Scroll down for her insights.
#1
When my older son was 4, he was repeatedly biting other kids at preschool. Until one day I told him: "This is a non-biting school. If you keep biting, we'll have to take you to a biting school. Everyone bites there, even the teachers".
He has never bitten anyone again.
Image credits: Anna-Vinogradova
"I think a certain amount of misbehavior from kids is to be expected from time to time. It's the constant you have to worry about," parenting blogger Samantha told Bored Panda.
"In my experience, when my kids misbehave or lie, there is something deeper at play. They are jealous of their sibling or feeling unappreciated. Or they are going through a time of increased anxiety, she said.
"I try to assume the best from my kids, and to figure out their motivations to misbehave," the founder of Walking Outside in Slippers shared.
#2
Saw one on reddit where if you want to enjoy some time undisturbed tell your kids that you're taking a nap and when you wake up all of you are going to do chores together. They'll want to let you sleep as long as possible to avoid doing housework, so they'll leave you alone to actually nap or do other things like read.
Image credits: -eDgAR-
#3
My mum had a friend that would put vegetables on her own plate and not the kids.
When the kids asked she would be reluctant to share, "that's grown up food. But I suppose I can let you have a little."
Her kids grew up loving vegetables.
I sat at the dinner table for 3 hours staring at the yucky cauliflower I refused to eat.
Image credits: laik72
"It's not always easy, and I definitely lose my temper sometimes," the blogger pointed out that nobody is a 'perfect' parent.
"Open communication goes a long way in working through the tough spots. And setting boundaries and consequences."
We asked Samantha whether there is any room for using reverse psychology or white lies to get children to behave properly. From her perspective, there isn't.
"I think honesty is the best policy when it comes to parenting. Consequences and rewards should be enough incentive to behave without lying," she told Bored Panda.
#4
My mum told me that it was written on my tongue if I was lying. So of course if I wasn't telling the truth & she said "show me your tongue" there was no way I would open my mouth. It worked so well that I used it on my own children.
Image credits: Joanne Taylor
#5
My father used to always tell me that brushing my teeth makes me sleep better. Fast forward 13 years when I couldnt sleep before an exam. I said to myself "oh, I should just brush my teeth..." I brushed happily thinking it would make me tired. Then, with a moment of clarity, I looked at myself brushing my teeth for the second time that night and realized that I "got got."
Image credits: Saleh-Stevens
#6
I use my toddler's fierce independence as a weapon against him.
When he refuses to do something, like clean up, I threaten to do it for him.
His boiling rage at the thought of anyone helping him blinds him and he does whatever I told him to before I have a chance to steal his glory.
Image credits: ender_wiggin1988
It is incredibly likely that you’ve either used reverse psychology on someone in the past or had someone apply it to you—knowingly or not! In a nutshell, it’s a persuasion tactic where you advocate for behavior that’s different from the one you hope someone to embrace. In short, whatever it is that you actually want, you say the opposite, in the hope that the person will end up behaving in the desired way.
But this approach falls into a sort of grey area morally because there’s a lot of space for misuse.
“The idea behind reverse psychology is that by pushing for the opposite of what you want, the other person will choose to engage in the behavior that you desire. While it can be seen as a way of managing another person's behavior, reverse psychology can also be used as a form of manipulation. The person who is the subject of this tactic generally doesn't realize what is happening and may not be fully aware of the other person's true motives,” ‘Verywell Mind’ explains.
#7
1. Any food they didn't like was labeled turkey. They are 12 and 8 and only just realized fish isn't turkey. They would always wonder why turkey has so many different flavors and how they like some but not others. 😂
2. Starting as soon as they can walk, ask for help for just about everything. And they will help and enjoy being needed. And when they do tasks and ask for help, help them. They will always help if you teach them to do it as a family instead of an individual task. Clean house...yes, please!
3. Biggest one of all - listen to them. Everything they say to you is really important to them, no matter how stupid it is. And learn what they like, even if it's boring. This comes in handy when they're older.
Image credits: anon
#8
We told our kids if they whined they wouldn’t get whatever they were whining about. Whenever they whined we would ask them “what do you get when you whine?” And they would answer “Nothing”. It worked perfectly as long as we were consistent.
Image credits: DebiDebbyDebbie
#9
My son was really impulsive when he was little and would try to run away from me when we would be crossing streets instead of holding my hand. So I started to tell him that he needed to hold my hand so nobody would try to steal me. It worked. He felt responsible for making sure nobody tried to kidnap me out in public.
Image credits: TimelyKaleidoscope
Generally, reverse psychology works on people who resist conformity. On the flip side, someone who is more compliant might respond better to a direct request.
A few ways to employ reverse psychology in practice, according to ‘Verywell Mind,’ include:
- Discourage the desired behavior. ("You shouldn't do that.");
- Forbid the desired behavior. ("Don’t do that.");
- Suggest that the person couldn't do the desired behavior. ("I bet you couldn't do that anyways.");
- Downtalk the desired behavior. ("I would never pick that.");
- Compare the desired behavior unfavorably to something else. ("You should do this because it's so much better than that.").
#10
Not a parent, but a daycare worker, and I learned this through reddit: If a Child is having a meltdown, ask what color their shoes/shirts/pants/whatever clothing their wearing are. This distracts the child long enough to stop them in the midst of their meltdown because they haven't thought about what they're wearing. I used this trick *twice* on a kid today who was just having a terrible day. Calmed them right down.
Image credits: GayMaryPoppins
#11
When mine were younger, say, three or four, and it was close to time to stop playing at the park or in the pool, I always gave them plenty of warning using a concrete timeline that they could understand. Instead of saying "we're leaving soon" or "five more minutes", I would tell them something like "ok, let me see you jump in the pool. Seven more jumps and we're leaving ". Sometimes the number was higher, but never less than five. Less than five was always met with "come on, just one more!!" Which usually wasn't allowed. Seven or more was always such a big number that they seemed to get their fill and were ready to go when it was time.
Image credits: anon
#12
Bubbles! Seriously magical. For especially long car rides or traffic or just for fun. Keep some bubbles up front (cupholder ideally), turn on the a/c or fan, hold bubble wand up & instant stream of happiness! I’ve found myself doing this alone in cranky traffic jams & open the windows to spread the mirth and glee. Also, have tiny bubble bottles (like wedding favor sized) and easy to share with others in need out & about.
Image credits: Bridquet
According to ‘Parents,’ reverse psychology may work for some kids. For example, some toddlers can be “natural little contrarians” as they learn to embrace their independence.
However, you don’t necessarily have to employ reverse psychology to get your children to encourage good behavior. For instance, you could request them (not) to do something by getting down to their eye level, saying their name, and asking them if they understand what you're saying.
Furthermore, you can be shorter and more specific with your requests instead of going on and on with super long explanations. Moreover, you could always give your kids choices to empower them (e.g., asking which outfit they’d like to wear to school or whether they’d like to tidy their room or brush their teeth first).
#13
Be mindful of how you phrase questions
Example:
Instead of “Do you want a hotdog for supper?”, ask “What do you want on your hotdog?”
If your kid’s a d**k, it won’t matter. But it will help it most situations.
Image credits: DiceMorgansGhost
#14
I had 3 kids very close in age. At one point I assigned them each a day of the week (they each got two and Sunday was the leftover) Whatever the question was, the answer was whose day is it. Who gets to go first? Who gets to ride in the front? Who has to take their bath first? I saved so many arguments with this.
#15
Mother of two teenagers. Don't just listen but ask.
Ask questions that can't be answered with a yes or no. Then follow up with a few more questions about the answers given, and before you know it, they are talking to you without trying.
Example: I don't ask my kids "How was your day?". I ask something very specific like "I see you are reading 'certain book' in class. I don't think I read that, what's it about?". They generally give me a brief rundown so I follow up with maybe "do you have to do a project on it? What ideas do you have?", things like that. After 1 or 2 questions like that they just keep talking about the class, then the class after or before then I know their whole day.
They've gotten so use to just conversing with me, I don't have to try that hard to get the ball rolling anymore unlike some of my friends who are amazed my teenage kids actually talk to me.
Also, those conversation starter questions are a great go to. At dinner, no one is allowed a phone, even us adults. So I have a list of conversation starters and just start asking and everyone has to answer the question. Often times will only get to the 2nd or 3rd question before we've moved on to a totally different and offbeat topic, having a really great and fun conversation about something random, like is a hamburger a sandwich or it's own thing? Or is Indiana Jones central to his own storyline? You know, the important stuff.
EDIT: Just got home from work and see I got a Gold! Thank you kind stranger! I always worry I'm doing a good job as parent, so this gives me a little bit of comfort that I might be doing alright. And this hamburger/sandwich debate, yeah the discord like this is real in my household. Love it!
Which of these parenting hacks would you ever use at home, dear Pandas? Have you ever tried reverse psychology to motivate your kids to behave a certain way or do you think honesty is the best policy? What's your parenting style and philosophy like? Let us know in the comments!
#16
I have a great one but I know it will be lost in the comments.
Whenever we go to the grocery store instead of listening to my son(4 years old) cry about all of the stuff he can't have I just tell him he can have one thing and one thing only. So he grabs cookies. Then when we get to the ice cream isle he decides he wants ice cream, then changes to Captain crunch. But every time we go back and put up the last thing he chose.
It teaches him to decide what he really wants instead of wanting everything and whining the whole time.
#17
When she was small, I told my daughter that when she lied a red spot would appear on the middle of her forehead. I knew for sure it worked when she did indeed lie and then her hand went up to cover her forehead
Image credits: OwlPoop
#18
I told my son that I was allergic to whining. Any time he started whining I did a bunch of fake sneezing and he would apologize immediately and stop being whiney! It worked for most of elementary school!
Image credits: Merry_Pippins
#19
Get a roomba or any robot vaccum. Tell the kids it will eat their toys if they don't clean up after they play. It works wonders but I'll probably have to pay for therapy in the future...
Image credits: vikes4r
#20
When I was little, I used to suck my thumb. As I got older, my parents must have wanted this to stop, because this conversation happened while driving with my Dad (I was probably 3):
Dad: Still sucking that thumb?
Me: Yep!
Dad: Aren't you worried about ending up like those flamingos at the zoo?
Me: Huh?
Dad: Haven't you ever noticed how they always stand on one leg? You see, they sucked their toes for so long, that they dissolved! The more they sucked, the more disappeared. Eventually they sucked their whole leg right off!
Didn't suck my thumb ever again.
Image credits: Julia-Heil
#21
When any of her kids (me included) would start up the endless "why?" cycle, my mom would ask us "why do *you* think it's like that?" in response. More often than not, it put any one of us on the spot to have to mull something over and stop (or at least slow) the cycle.
If nothing else, I think it taught me how to better word my questions to get a more effective answer. I always hated when adults would say "because I said so" when really they didn't know any more than I did.
#22
Let your baby watch you fall asleep.
If it's their bedtime, don't play on your phone or read a book. They are following your lead. So be boring, close your eyes, and be still and quiet, and they will learn to, too.
Image credits: anon
#23
Not a parent but spent loads of time helping my aunt with her twins. Days at a time.
I taught them 'the cleanup song'. Pretty sure it was from Barney of all places.
Eventually it got to the point where just started with 'clean up, clean up' and they would start putting their toys away. At two.
Im probably not going to be able to have kids of my own so next best thing to being a troll mom is helping parents troll.
#24
My mom used a trick on me for eating broccoli.
We had someone over for dinner when I was like 4 or something, and across the table I spotted...broccoli :(
Before I could even say anything, my mom saw my look and exclaimed to our guest "Do you want to know an amazing fact about Caitlin?? She LOVES broccoli! It's her absolute favorite, she must be the only kid in the world who loves it, isn't that incredible?!" To which the guest played along and sung my praises for being 'so grown up!' and 'how special is that?!' etc etc. (I was a sucker for stuff like that)
I instantly fell for it, and demanded to eat tons of the broccoli! From then on I loved it when my mom made broccoli, so I could prove how incredibly unique of a kid I was.
Image credits: Kate Scott
#25
I told my kid her ears turn red when she tells a lie, now she covers her ears when she lies. She is almost 7 and it still works.
Image credits: Eissbein
#26
If they are cranky, put them in water.
I have teenagers, this is still the method that I use. Even having them wash their hands or face does wonders.
To be fair, I do it with my husband too. So really, I guess it's just works for humans.
#27
When your kid sees something they want like a toy or game and you can’t/don’t want to buy it tell them to “put it on the list.”
If they’re the type of kid that will follow through then you have a handy list for Christmas or birthdays. If not, then they’ll forget about it.
Helps avoid arguments in the store because you aren’t really saying no.
Image credits: Sarita_Maria
#28
Not a parent, but I worked at a daycare. Instead of saying “no” all of the time when they are younger, try to say “no thank you” instead. I thought it was weird when I started, but they respond to it so much better. Also, if they’re being really naughty, a firm “no” will sound more alarming and serious too.
Image credits: anon
#29
No a parent, but when I was a child my mom would hide her 4 glass birds (little sculptures she had) around the house. My sister and I had to look for them. We had to be very careful while looking so we didnt break them. If we broke one, we lost. If we left drawers/door/cabinets open, we lost.
You would think that we could tie and each find two birds, but it never happened. We would go to mom when we gave up, and she would hide them all over again.
It wasnt until I was an adult did I realize that she never hid a fourth bird. But boy did we spend a *looong* time looking.
#30
“Go touch your door”. It’s a minor reset that stops a behavior or ends an argument. Refusing gets upgraded to “go to room and stay”. “They usually opt quickly for the first choice thus effectively diffusing whatever behavior needed attention.
#31
Whenever either of my toddlers was crying or whining in the car, I would point to something invisible out the window and say "hey! do you see that over there?!" By the time they realized they couldn't figure out what I was pointing at, they'd forgotten the reason they were whining. Amazing how many times that worked.
#32
We are trying to get our kids to understand money by explaining how much stuff costs relative to something they find valuable. "Your new glasses are worth 3 bikes, so be very careful with them." "Why didn't we go to Disneyland for vacation? Because it would cost 10 trampolines... And we had to build a new fence which also cost 10 trampolines... And mom and dad don't have enough for 20 trampolines."
I also play a game at the grocery store with my kids where I let them guess how much the groceries are going to cost. They would guess what they thought was a high number like $75 and then it would ring through at $250 and their mouths would just hang open. "That's why I get mad when you waste food! I could have bought almost 3 bikes with that money!".
#33
My mum used to tell me that my future husband will look like the leftovers on my plate. So I always finished every grain of rice and every bit of sauce on my plate, because I wanted my husband to look handsome and spotless. Sometimes I cried when I have chicken bones left, but my mom assured me that chicken bones don't count.
Image credits: Selene-Chew
#34
My 3yo daughter sometimes doesn't want to climb the stairs to our room and wants me to carry her, sayin "Don't know how to climb."
When she does it I say "Show me how you don't know." and she climbs few steps to show me how she can't. We repeat that until she's upstairs.
"How come you climbed it all if you don't know how?" i ask afterwards.
"I guess I knew." she answers. ...:)
Image credits: Marcu3s
#35
I told my kid that the oil spots on the road were actually spots left from children who ran across the road without looking and got ran over by a car. He looks both ways twice before crossing the street still
Image credits: munchkickin
#36
Instead, try telling your children that what they’re actually doing is fighting the crimes of dust and grime! They’ll be regular dirt devils in no time — I can guarantee it.
Image credits: anonymous
#37
Dennys is where I teach them restaurant etiquette. Zero pressure & light on the wallet.
Image credits: magicmoonflower
#38
My wife and I came up with a short unique whistle that both kids knew meant come here to us. Works in malls, water parks or just to come in and clean up for dinner. Fellow parents were amazed by this. Teach them early.
#39
Whenever my son goes to have a snack or a treat I tell him. “Let me taste it to make sure it’s not poison”. So free bites of snacks is cool
Before anyone gets too crazy, he knows it’s not real and has actually started taking my food to make sure it’s not poison. So it worked for a while now it has begun to backfire.... like most parenting tricks.
#40
One day out of desperation I made my daughters do Rock, Paper, Scissors 3 times and winner gets their choice of whatever they were fighting about (usually what TV show to watch 1st), then loser gets a turn. They started doing this automatically and stopped coming to me to solve the issue. What a win!!
#41
When my children were really little, I used to have a hard time keeping them in bed at bedtime. I don't know where I got the idea, maybe it was Super Nanny, but I told them I was going to stand outside of their door until they fell asleep like good children.
I would stand just outside of their closed door after kissing them goodnight, and after about 5 minutes I would slide my slippers off leaving them at the door so if you peaked underneath it still looked like I was standing there. Worked for years! Kids never caught on.
I confessed to my 23yr old daughter a couple of months back because her boyfriend has little ones. She was completely blown away. She still to that day believed I was standing outside of their door every night before I went to bed myself.
#42
My mother taught me that she could actually see the sleep I needed by looking inside my lower eyelids. I was very young, like 3-4 years old but continued to believe this for several more years. If I was cranky or whiney, she'd say, "Let me see your eyes!" I would then pull down on my cheeks and stretch my lower lids down. "Yes! Just what I thought. You need a nap!" So off I'd go. Blanket in hand to bed. Happy.
Image credits: Elaine-Meadows
#43
My mom loved playing the Playstation, and I being the stubborn kid used to disturb her! To prevent me from spoiling her "groove", she used to give me the unplugged joystick and convince me we were playing a two player game!! Just to ensure I was still stuck in the trap, I used to hear "Yes honey! That's how you play it! Mumma lost to you...." and "Good job, now jump jump jump....yes....you won yayyyy", on a timely basis. This went on for four long years -_-
It was such an EPIC lie....I later used it on my younger sister XD
#44
My mother told me that spinach would make me strong like popeye and if i ate it i could lift the house. I would have a few spoonfulls and then she'd rush outside with me and i'd try and lift the house, squeezing my eyes shut with the effort. She'd go "It moved! It moved! Quick, eat some more!" and i'd run back inside and finish it off.
Edit: Bonus semi related story, she made me a superman outfit and i jumped off the porch believing i could fly and hurt myself. Now she may not have directly lied and told me the suit could make me fly but i feel like her giving it to me without telling me i couldn't makes her responsible.
Image credits: anonymous
#45
If you threaten a consequence, follow through 100% of the time. Kids will test boundaries at every age, you just have to make it appropriate for their age group.
“If you throw sand again we are leaving the beach “ - you must leave the beach
“If you don’t clean your room no screen time tomorrow” - no screen time.
The key is to make the consequences not impact you to the point that you don’t want to follow through since it will ruin your day too. A hard line to toe, but boy do boundaries and trust work.
Edit: explained further below
Kids will always test boundaries 100%. But that doesn’t mean you go full force consequence every time. This is different than giving a consequence every time- you can explain why you don’t want them to throw the sand first. Talk to them about why they threw it. Take them in the water for a bit. But if you threaten to leave the beach once all of those things fail, you have to follow through.
A teen breaking curfew once is not a “take away your phone and computer and you’re grounded for 3 months” consequence. But maybe the 12th time is.
#46
When I had bad dreams my parents would "take" them from my head and theatrically "place" them in an empty Kleenex box. No more bad dreams, they're safely tucked away where facial tissues once were.
#47
As young kids, my sister and I would love to sleep in on weekends if we could. So even if we actually woke up a bit earlier than usual, we'd lay in bed and pretend to be asleep when our dad came in to wake us up.
Dad would always catch our bluff, though, and tricked us into proving we were in fact awake by saying "Are these kids still really asleep? I would believe it if they shook their legs a little bit." Indeed, being the little suckers we were, we'd fall for it and shake our legs ever so slightly. Each and every time.
How fun for my dad. I never figured out how he knew we were really awake until much later. Such a eureka moment. :D
#48
So the children won't ask me, repeatedly, to buy a new toy on any given shopping trip - I allow them to choose a "store toy" to keep them company for the duration of the visit. They care for it, typically while sitting in a shopping cart, and then bid it farewell in a goodbye ritual at checkout ("bye store toy! See you next time!"). They are sated after that and there is never drama.
#49
Don't teach them to tell time! A friend taught me this one. In the winter I got to say, "Oh, it's dark, time for bed" whenever I wanted to. In the summer I could point to the clock and say, "I know it's light but look, it's still bed time." Sure, they'll figure it out, but it worked for a couple of years at least.
Image credits: estrogyn
#50
We would go do fake shopping before we went into the store we needed to be in.
Here’s how it worked. We say had to shop for a gift in one store we would go to another and say “remember to listen to mommy and daddy. No touching or begging for anything or we will have to leave.”
Now you go into “decoy” store and browse. If they do great and don’t touch or pitch a fit you get to compliment them and tell them how proud you are of them. But if they misbehave you say “Oh no, it looks like we’ll have to leave and you can without feeling like a failure and giving up on your shopping plans.
Now, once you are outside that store with an upset child (note you are outside) you can calm them down easier and say “I’m sorry we had to leave that store. You were doing so good until ___ happened. I think we should try again at a different store.” Wow! You’re an amazing parent you followed through with your ultimatum and you are even giving them a second chance. Now you can risk going to the store you originally wanted or slip in one more decoy first.
Note: this doesn’t work if you are planning to spend the day dragging them around the mall. This is only for quick trips and general store training.
Similar advise for a restaurant, plan a backup meal plan at home when taking them to a restaurant nearby and be prepared to “have” to leave if they don’t behave. You could even let the restaurant know (privately) you are teaching your kids restaurant etiquette and may have to leave.
#51
Give them options so they are making a choice in the matter but still have the same outcome.
"It's time to go to bed. You can grab your pull up now then go potty or you can grab it after you go potty." (This works so well for me with my 2 year old)
Another thing I do is since they have so many toys I ask them to pick them up half an hour before it is needed. If they protest they aren't done playing you can tell them to leave one or two toys they can play with after they are done cleaning up. This gets the toys and games picked up with the extra motivation that the faster they get done the faster they can play again.
When it comes to bed time if you are having issues with them getting up and out of bed I have had success with this one. Put them to bed, hugs and kisses, tell them it's time to go to bed and say goodnight. Leave the room and wait outside (out of view if you leave the door open) and wait for them to get out of bed. If they get up just go in, lay them down, tell them it's time to go to bed and goodnight. Repeat the process until they stop getting up. They will eventually stop and go to bed. When we moved to a new house this worked in 3 days with the oldest one.
Also punishments. The easiest thing to do would be to send them to the corner or timeout but the best way to deal with your child is to talk to them. Talk to them like an adult about why they did what they did, ask how they feel emotionally, tell them what you are feeling. Throw out some alternative ideas that maybe will get the desired behavior in the future. If my kids keep it up on the third instance of being naughty I have them go sit on the couch for a while. Hitting does get a corner.
Disclaimer: I am by no means a perfect parent and I do plenty of wrong stuff. All of the things I am talking about are what I am seeing work for my kids and sometimes I don't do them because I let the anger get the better of me. Also to be a good parent don't forget to at least try to be there.
#52
As a kid my mom told me I snore in my sleep. So she knew I was faking it when I was snoring. Took me a while to catch on but when I did it was harder for her to know I was faking it.
#53
When my daughter was 4, she decided she really wanted a horse. I told her that since horses eat money, and I don't earn all that much, we simply couldn't get one.
She believed that horses actually ate money until she was 14. Then she called me an a***hole.
In my defence, I have a cousin who has horses and given how much she spends on them, I'm convinced to this day that they do actually eat money....
