Everyday Situations & Life Jokes
1.) I just saw my neighbor talking to himself in the mirror.
It looks like they are looking surprised. 🪞😲
2.) A woman walks into a bank and tells the clerk she wants to make a big prize deposit.
The clerk says, “I’m so sorry, ma’am, we don’t accept stuffed animals.” 🏦🧸❌
3.) My boss told me to have a good day…
So I went home. 🏠🎉
4.) I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.
She seemed surprised. 🤨😳
5.) My therapist told me to write down all the things I have in common with my mom.
That’s how I got kicked out of the restaurant. 🍽️🚷
6.) My therapist told me to embrace my mistakes…
So I hugged him. 🤗😂
7.) I just got a job at a mirror factory.
I could really see myself working there. 🔍🪞
8.) I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory.
All I did was take a day off. 📆😂
9.) My dog used to chase people on a bike a lot.
It got so bad, finally I had to take his bike away. 🚲🐶
10.) My grandfather’s last words were “I buried a million dollars under…”
Then he went silent. 💰😳⏳
Wordplay & Puns
11.) I used to hate facial hair…
But then it grew on me. 🧔😂
12.) I put my root beer in a square glass.
Now it’s just beer. 📐🍺
13.) What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh. 🐟❌👀
14.) I entered ten puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win.
Sadly, no pun in ten did. 😂🤦♂️
15.) If you rearrange the letters, “I l l”, you get “I’ll.”
✍️😂
16.) What do you call a fake strawberry?
An impasta. 🍓🍝
17.) How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it. 💦🔥
18.) I’d tell you a chemistry joke…
But I wouldn’t get a reaction. 🧪😂
19.) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…
Then it hit me. ⚾😵
20.) Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now. ✂️😂
Animal & Nature Jokes
21.) What do you call a lazy kangaroo?
Pouch potato. 🦘😂
22.) What do you call a snail on a ship?
A snailor. ⚓🐌
23.) My parents named me Rose.
Rose is Naming Your Dog… 🌹🐶
24.) What do you call something green and fuzzy?
Grass. 🌿😂
25.) I was diagnosed with having the heart of a lion.
I’m glad, my other heart was wearing thin. 🦁❤️
26.) Why do cows have hooves instead of feet?
Because they lactose. 🐄😂
27.) My phone fell in the toilet.
Now it’s taking liquid calls. 📱🚽
28.) Parallel lines have so much in common…
It’s a shame they’ll never meet. 📏😂
29.) What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved. 🌊😂
30.) What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot. 🥕🦜
Pop Culture & Professions
31.) A legionnaire walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
The bartender says, “I can’t serve you.” 🍺⚔️🚫
32.) Why did the pirate go to AA?
Because he had a treasure chest. 🏴☠️💰
33.) I just broke up with my coffee machine…
I found out it was using other grounds. ☕😢
34.) I was going to tell a joke about boxing…
But I forgot the punchline. 🥊😂
35.) Why don’t eggs tell jokes?
Because they might crack up. 🥚😂
36.) I told my suitcase that there would be no vacations this year.
Now I’m dealing with emotional baggage. 🎒😂
37.) I was walking past a prison when I saw a midget climbing down the wall.
I thought, “Well, that’s a little condescending.” 🤏😂
38.) Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space. 🚀😂
39.) I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.
So now I loaf around. 🍞😂
40.) I went on a date with a tennis player.
Love means nothing to her. 🎾😂
Bonus Random Jokes!
41.) What’s the longest walk in the world?
The one from the fridge to the couch when you forgot your phone. 📱😂
42.) A drug dealer fell into a cement mixer.
He’s Just Saying No. 🚧🚫💊
43.) I just had my bag stolen.
Now I need a new one. 🎒💨
44.) I fell off a cliff.
I don’t know what to do now. 🪂🤷♂️
45.) I tried to catch some fog yesterday.
Mist. 🌫️🤷♂️
46.) Why did the man fall off the ladder?
Because he couldn’t see the rungs. 🪜😨
47.) What happens when you eat too many spaghetti jokes?
You get a pun-stipation. 🍝😂
48.) I asked my dog what’s two minus two…
He said nothing. 🐶😂
49.) I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger…
Then it hit me. ⚾😵
50.) Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?
He’s all right now. ✂️😂
51.) I’d tell you a chemistry joke…
But I wouldn’t get a reaction. 🧪😂
52.) Think you can top these jokes?
Drop your best pun in the comments! 🤩🎤
💬 Which joke made you laugh the most? Let us know! 😂🔥
52 Two-Liners That Can Be Considered As Best Jokes Ever Bored Panda
