Unfortunately, just because someone’s a family member doesn’t instantly mean that they’re a kind, witty, and interesting person who you want to spend time with. There are plenty of bizarre, annoying, and even rude people living on our planet. And some of them (probably!) happen to be related to you in some way.
Nearly everybody has at least one person that the rest of their relatives all kind of avoid. The r/AskReddit community spilled the tea about who that person in their family is and what they did to get socially ostracized. Scroll down for their stories.
#1
Me- cuz I'm the only deaf member in the entire family and the only deaf guy in the town as well so there was almost no asl beside mom, aunt and older brother. Even so we didn't really talk like a family. So I grew up with minimal sign language, no asl for my bday, Christmas, Thanksgiving etc. I now see holidays as pointless and waste of time. My mom only FaceTimed me once in 13 years and that was to find out where my cousin were in the store I was with him at the time but yet FaceTimed my cousin and older brother frequently. Go figures. If you've got a deaf family member, it helps a lot learning asl and spending time with them. Don't leave them out.
Image credits: Akurbanexplorer
#2
Me. I used to try to help everyone when they needed it because I could afford to. Six years ago my wife had a ruptured brain aneurysm and two strokes. I needed help taking care of her. I never got the first offer of any help so on top of my twelve hour each day job I take care of her by myself. I think often of how I gave up so much for everyone else and got treated this way. They all have get togethers and vacations and things we never get invited to because she really is a handful. We just spend time with each other and our grown kids when we can and make the best of it. I do really get upset though because I am so tired and really could use a break but it is what it is. Thank you for listening.
Image credits: Faithful-Tired
#3
My aunt and uncle. After my mom died they took my grandma, got power of attorney over her life and wiped out her accounts within minutes of moving out of my dad’s house. Bought all their family members iPads for Christmas and let my grandma die in the garage in the middle of winter. I don’t care that they stole my inheritance—it wasn’t much—but I really miss my grandma to this day.
Image credits: drinkslinger1974
It doesn’t feel great to be excluded. We’re social animals, and we need positive relationships to thrive. However, not all relationships are equal. People who are constantly negative and stress us out have a negative effect on our lives. Naturally, everyone wants to spend more time with folks who energize them and boost their mood instead of those who drain them.
From a purely utilitarian perspective, you do not want to be the individual who gets ostracized. Being socially isolated and lonely wreaks havoc on a person’s physical and mental health. It increases the risk of developing serious life-threatening illnesses like heart disease, type 2 diabetes, depression, anxiety, and dementia.
In short, you want to put in at least some effort to be accepted by your social circle. If you’re constantly annoying everyone and making their lives hell, soon enough, you might find yourself completely alone. However, being alone is still preferable to being in social circles that consistently stress you out with negativity.
#4
My cousin was involved in organized crime and put his family through hell. We still kept him around for some reason. He was the charming, handsome, funny cousin. Everybody loved him.
Our grandma confronted him over him doing cocaine in the bathroom at our little cousins birthday. He snapped at her and viciously attacked her, breaking her nose, jaw, and two ribs. He then ran out of the house. My uncle and dad and cousin found him a few days later and beat him with an inch of his life, and then nobody ever spoke to him again.
Image credits: bakstruy25
#5
Me.
I got sick with Crohns non diabetic LRP and can't walk. It's crazy how fast your friends and family abandon you when you can't go out like you used to.
Being called a hermit only salts the wound. Went from a national qualified runner and athlete to being sick is apparently a choice.
Some of my family say that if I were closer to God, I wouldn't be so sick. If only it was that easy.
It wasn't even like it happened over a long period, either. Prior to 2020, I was walking , working ,eating, and socializing.
I'm lucky I have a saint for a wife, so I manage. It just surprised me how fast everyone dropped me. Some people have no idea how to deal with illness when it affects their loved ones and friends.
Image credits: Agile-Stick2803
#6
My uncle. He is the stereotypical loser, racist homophobe who think gas chambers never existed and that homosexuals Jewish people secretly rule the world. No wonder nobody wants to speak to him.
Image credits: lectxr
The New Yorker writes that in some circles there’s an effort to destigmatize estrangement. The idea is that by making the idea of cutting unhealthy people out of your life less taboo, you’re essentially creating a better environment for yourself. There’s a trend among young people who are increasingly cutting their parents out of their lives. Some are very happy that they no longer have to deal with family drama during holiday get-togethers.
However, some researchers believe that what’s happening is a continuation of what’s always been happening: cutting people out is nothing new, and we’re simply more transparent when it comes to talking about it now.
#7
It was me, and it was because of my drinking.....
Coming up on 5 years sober, and it took 3 years of sobriety just to get invited to Christmas...so next Christmas will only be like the second I've gotten the invite to in 15 years or so...
Took my sister aside last weekend to give her an apology for all that time, and sorry that I was never an uncle to her kids, they're all grown now, so can't change that, but I am sorry the bottle was more important than everything, and everyone during that time, I lost everything...
A lot of what, and who I lost I'll never be able to get back in my life.
Image credits: mezz7778
#8
Me and it's because I'm transgender. The only members of my (large) biological family who will acknowledge that I exist are my half great uncle and his wife, my mom, and my gay cousin. They literally pretend like I don't exist. They can go to hell though, I'm better off without them.
Image credits: witwickan
#9
My uncle got his son's girlfriend pregnant.
We've always hated the guy for reasons I won't get into but this was the straw that broke the camel's back.
Image credits: ThePhabtom4567
According to the founder of the nonprofit estrangement group Stand Alone, Becca Bland, it can be healthier for people to have a life beyond their family relationships. They can create a new sense of family with their friends.
Kristina Scharp, a director of the Family Communication and Relationships Lab at Rutgers University and Michigan State, told The New Yorker that people tend to look at someone who goes no-contact with family members differently than those who cut ties with, say, a bad partner.
“We’re told things like ‘Blood is thicker than water’ and ‘A family is forever.’ So, if you have a happy family, it’s really hard to imagine estrangement.” Forgiving family members doesn’t always happen. It all depends on how the person who cut them out feels about the entire situation.
#10
My sister. She went religious zealot on us, especially against my brother who’s gay, and we all sided with him. It was crazy. She was completely normal one day, falls in love with a Christian worship leader, then the next day she believes our brother is going to hell. What a hill to die on.
Image credits: Creepy-Total8241
#11
I'm the only one who talks to my cousin. She came out as pansexual a few years ago (her spiteful ex actually outed her toher parents), and sadly my Asian family is extremely homophobic. Sadly I'm her only support and ally.
Image credits: victoriachan365
#12
Recently my dad. He slept with my sister’s fiancé (M). My sister is pregnant.
Image credits: DucktapeCorkfeet
Have you ever cut off ties with a relative, dear Pandas? Is there a person who your entire family seems to avoid? What did they do to get pushed away? What do you think they’d need to do to get back in everyone’s good graces?
If you feel like opening up, we’d love to hear about your experiences in the comments section at the bottom of this post.
#13
Me.
Because I'm an atheist.
Entire family is Southern Baptist.
Image credits: ProbablyABore
#14
Me, I'm the one relative.
I choose not to keep in touch with my family, because I don't want someone constantly asking me for money or to take care of their children.
Image credits: DontYuckMyYum
#15
My mom is the person in her family, but it's not because she's a bad person or she has issues with substance abuse. The majority of her family just doesn't like who she loves. Her family is very white, and my dad, brother, and I are black. I have a Latino uncle, but they're fine with him. Some of my family don't care, namely a couple cousins, but I haven't spoken with any of my aunts or uncles in almost 16 years.
Image credits: ph3nth3n3rd
#16
My aunt.
She tried to take the car my grandmother left in her will to me from me.
This happened literal minutes after my grandmother passed. We were still in the room with my grandmother. .
Image credits: PubbleBubbles
#17
My uncle Greg. His Alzheimer’s dementia is so bad he doesn’t recognize anyone in his family anymore and visiting just scares and confuses him because it’s out of his routine.
It’s really sad because we do miss him. It’s sad to know the next time we see him won’t be until his funeral.
Image credits: stevebobeeve
#18
I’m pretty sure my brother has k*lled people, among other serious (maybe more serious) crimes. Legally there’s nothing I can do. What evidence I know the police and FBI also know. I have a restraining order against him and moved as far away as I can. One day he’ll finally go down for a crime and there’ll be a Netflix special on him and they’ll ask why the family was complicit as if we could stop any of this.
Image credits: 3andahalfbath
#19
I'm that family member. I called CPS on my fam, so I get it.
Image credits: Wide_Cow7653
#20
Me. I objected to being bullied by my sister. They all said I was too sensitive and that she had the right to bully me because she's the older one. I stopped speaking to them all once I was told that I don't deserve to be treated with respect.
#21
Me! Because I escaped to the opposite coast 50 years ago, and the *one* that isn’t dead is on my permanent no-talk sh**list.
I am so happy to have left this family behind. The only one I cared about was my mom, and I know she envied (not in a bad way) the fact that I chose freedom over conformity.
I wish she had, too. But she was trapped.
If this resonates with anyone, remember that *you don’t have to love emotional abusers.* **Run away!**.
Image credits: seaboardist
#22
My uncle. He stole tens of thousands of dollars from my grandmother while she was dying of cancer, defaulted on business agreements with my father, and then disappeared.
There’s a lot more to this, but for the sake of brevity and not being *too* specific, we’ll leave it at that.
Image credits: Gamecat235
#23
That‘s me. Because I was abused from age 11 to 17 by my sisters husband (18 years older than me) and after 40 years of playing it down to myself and keeping silent (and becoming an alcoholic, and several years of therapy) I finally broke my silence. Shame of the family, where everything that‘s not perfect has to be swept under the rug.
#24
Me. Not cool with pretending I wasn't beat pretty bad.
"We didn't know better," just is too hard to accept.
#25
My aunt Pam. At some point she started hearing voices telling her to hurt family members. I don't have a ton of details, but I know she lives in an apartment on a property managed by some kind of mental health facility.
Image credits: Original_Barnacle359
#26
Me. I’m city. They’re country. I’d say, “That’s cool!” They’d say, “That’s weird.” I’m queer. They don’t like that. So we don’t talk!
Image credits: RadioSupply
#27
Sadly, it's rapidly becoming the Trump supporting BIL and his family. We don't really care about their politics, but they insist on pushing them on everyone, inserting them into conversations etc.
They've ruined family holidays over it bc they explode if anyone ever tries to point out that facts don't align with their opinions, and that words like "socialist" don't mean what they keep insisting they mean.
#28
Me. I transitioned and haven't seen my grandparents, cousins, or other family in years. They're all conservative christians and want nothing to do with me.
Image credits: Zeggle
#29
An aunt who mismanaged grandma's estate & refused to return the money she stole until one of her sisters sued her for it. Aunt maintains her sisters were "just being mean" but now none of her 4 sisters speak to her.
#30
My older sister. She’s a compulsive liar who has spent many years in and out of prison. She lies about being pregnant and having children to try to guilt trip people into giving her money. She’s been pretty much exiled from the family. Her latest scam was that she had a baby but it took me no time to find the actual child on one of her friends facebooks that she was stealing the photos from.
Image credits: ScaleComfortable7024
#31
Me. I am dealing with depression, and I struggle to believe I belong anywhere. Feel like a burden to everyone, so I don't want to bring them down. Also have never lived up to what everyone thought I should be. I am also a lot younger than my siblings, and they hated my dad. We had different fathers. So lots of trauma and probably me since I am so risk averse.
Image credits: supernaut2015
#32
Me. My drunk BIL threw a drink in my face at wedding after starting an argument and won't apologize. I am the youngest in the family so I was told "Life is short. Get over it.". Really, I stopped talking to them. But the niece whose wedding it was, hates said BIL and she and I still get alone great.
#33
Me.
When my grandfather passed, he split his belongings up between 12 kids. None of the grandkids got anything, and his wife, my grandmother, only got one thing. A cabin he'd built for her in the rocky mountains back in the 40s. "Where I'll go to die someday," as she used to call it. It was everything in the world to her.
Until the eldest son challenged the will because he believed he was entitled to more than was left. I spent 4 years and dozens of thousands of dollars fighting in court to make sure she kept what was rightfully hers. Of the 512 acres that the cabin sat on, I managed to get 11.5. The rest was sold off, and the money split between a few of the other kids. They went to war over 500 acres when the will was parceling out over 62k acres between mountain and farm lands.
When my grandmother started to go after the first heart attack, it was the first time that I'd heard from my uncle(her eldest son) since we finished in court. I told him it was it, and he needed to get down soon to say his goodbyes. He brushed me off and told me he'd put together 100k to "put the cabin back where it belongs." I needed to be restrained by hospital personnel, and he threatened to press charges if I didn't sell him the property.
I outlived him, and the property is mine now. I'm slowly buying back the land we lost from a couple of different parties. None of it belongs to any of my uncles or aunts who fought for it in the first place, and I told all of them that if they ever darkened my doorstep, I'd kill em. Their kids have held the grudge and view me the bad guy for "stealing their heritage/inheritance.".
#34
My dad is that sibling now for his brothers. Oddly enough, my dad is the one who graduated high school, graduated college, worked hard his whole life, saved money, and now lives a comfortable life. His 3 brothers, have 2 high school diplomas between the 3 of them, and 1 has been to rehab for d**g addiction a few times, 1 is an alcoholic, and 1 has never had to pay for anything on his own. When my grandfather died, my dad had to help the 1 who never paid for anything set up the bills for his house that my grandfather gave him in his name. The other 2 live off government disability. They call my dad, but only to ask for money. He and my mom no longer take their calls.
#35
My mum. She’s toxic, manipulative, narcissistic and verbally abusive. We’re rarely invited to family events. We didn’t have any kind of relationship with any cousins or aunts/uncles when we were younger. Everybody is really close, going on family holidays, meeting for meals etc, but we’re not, or we’re invited only as an afterthought, like the day before when it’s far too late to arrange to attend. Nobody likes her and she brings it on herself entirely.
