"We may not be able to prepare the future for our children, but we can at least prepare our children for the future": Franklin D. Roosevelt
While parenting is a tough job no doubt, the effect the upbringing has on the kid is not easy to fathom until visible signs of it start reflecting on the child's personality.
Not everyone's life goes with the adage "happiness is where the family is". Unfortunately there are many among us who live a turbulent life. The adversities of a tough life puts an effect both on the parents and the child.
When you have an emotionally abusive parent, you hear this often in the family, " mom/ dad may be having a bad day". While this is said to brush off your emotions, it in a way tries to conceal the reality of the moment and also in a way attempts to shield you from the adverse effects without being aware that somewhere it has already started to grow within you.
What exactly is emotional abuse?
Emotional abuse is abusing someone and making them feel low and undignified. The frequent the occurrence of emotional abuse, the greater the chances of getting into self-doubt.
Children get affected when anything happens to them in association with their parents as they spend the longest time with them. Anything that happens within the family puts a major impact on them be it good or bad, right or wrong.
So, if the parents or one of the parents is abusive and the child spends most of the time with the concerned person, it is obvious that the child will carry certain signs with him or her in the long run.
Also Read: Parenting takeaways from the movie Encanto
Confusion
Living with an emotionally abusive parent is confusing for a child. An empty mind of a child who is conditioned to be loved and pampered does not understand the behaviour.
Parenting impacts the nature of the child. People who grapple with childhood trauma exhibit a different tendency later in life. They restrict themselves to certain activities which trigger the memories of the trauma.
Parenting doesn't end with biology
It goes way beyond that. As parents you not only teach your child the best thing, you have to give them the strength to stand against the world. Parenting means to incorporate the natural shield within the child to brave every adversities.
Also Read: 6 times Queen Elizabeth II proved to be a doting grandmother
Signs of emotionally abusive parentings, parents need to look out for
Now it's time for the parents to come forward and assess their parenting. Your parenting can have its ups and downs and flaws and benefits; it can’t be invincible.
Do not be always critical or negative towards them
While it's the job of the parents to be protective about the child and teach them the rights and wrongs, being over critical has its own side-effects. With over interference and over indulgence in their life you narrow down their creative space. Though the importance of passing on wisdom can not be ruled out, children do learn a lot better from their mistakes.
Do not be the judge always
Do not invalidate the emotions of the child as per your discretion. You have seen and experienced worldly things way more than a child. There can be times when the child's behaviour will be difficult for you to understand and instead of understanding it you simply dismiss and invalidate it. This way you shut down the route of proper communication between you and the child.
Don't make your child feel guilty about himself or herself
This is the most destructive parenting technique. Guilting your child just because they did not meet your expectations can be regressive to the child's mental health. The first golden rule is to stop expecting from a child. Stop imposing your dream on the little kid. It is not necessary that what you could not achieve will have to be achieved by the child.
Do not impose rules
Rules can be broken. As parents what you need to know first is what is good for the child. It is not necessary to impose archaic rules on the child and force him or her to do the same. What worked for you, may not always work for the child who has been born generations after you.
Do not scare your child
Do not scare your child over trivial matters. It can impair your child's ability to make decisions and in a way cut down the communication between you and your child. Scaring away a child will make the child hostile to parents. The child will seek companionship outside the family and may end up among the wrong people.
