Two years ago, I attended an especially raucous screening of “TÁR” that almost broke me. If you’ve seen “TÁR” — a quiet movie, painted in sleepy earth tones, where Cate Blanchett plays the hard-nosed conductor of a Berlin orchestra — maybe that will give you a chuckle. It’s hardly a place where someone could be forced to their wits end. Yet, to me, it was the equivalent of going to the DMV without an appointment or a Wegman’s grocery store the day before Thanksgiving: an experience to make me wish I had never been born, so that I wouldn’t be alive to see humanity reduced to its most barbaric state.
I’m leaning into hyperbole, but in the moment, it felt like bedlam had been set on fire. I wrote about that screening back then, and was sure that most people who read the piece would agree with me. But the curse of being a perennial optimist is that you’re regularly reminded that “most people” would rather shoot your rose-colored glasses off with a Red Ryder Carbine-action 200-shot Range Model Air Rifle than let you maintain a little bit of hope for the world. Angry emails and social media replies followed. People read my humble request to be quiet in a movie theater like a ransom note cobbled together from magazine cut-outs, demanding that they have respect for their fellow man if they ever want to see their beloved mother again. I’m not interested in a suitcase full of unmarked bills, only the sweet joy of seeing a movie without constant interruptions.
That pleasure became more difficult to keep hold of this year, as anyone who was paying attention to movie theater etiquette watched it free fall as 2024 dragged on. In July, after Neon’s excellent marketing successfully made a whole bunch of potential moviegoers curious about “Longlegs,” there were complaints all over X about people on their phone for the entirety of the film. Perhaps it was a symptom of promotional campaigns attracting those who might not otherwise be interested in going to a theater to see a movie, or perhaps it’s a mode endemic problem that would persist regardless. Whatever the reasons, it’s clear: People don’t know how to go to the movies properly anymore. And by “properly,” I only mean that they have no respect and compassion for the experience of their fellow moviegoers, the ones who came to the movies to be immersed in the movies — imagine that!
“There are so many of us who want to preserve the theatrical experience,” says Ezgi Eren, who runs the inbox-staple newsletter “11am Saturday,” dedicated to movie theaters and theater rituals. “To me, the ritual of going to the movie theater is even more important than the movie I’m seeing. It’s more about taking a break from ‘real life’ to sit in a dark room with strangers and allow the filmmaker to tell us a story. I see movies that I end up despising and I’m still glad I went because I got to have a pretzel and an ice-cold soda and not look at my phone for a few hours.”
So, as the holiday movie season (and a particularly nasty seasonal resurgence of bad theater behavior) draws to a close and a new year begins, it’s time to state my case once more. If you abide by the following guidelines, I guarantee that you won’t only be a decent human being with a firm moral code, but that you’ll actually get to enjoy the movie you paid money to see. Doesn’t that sound nice?
This is the most basic rule of them all, and one that every single movie theater will ask of you. Yet, it seems to be the most difficult one for people to follow. “I ask every guest what they would do to make the moviegoing experience better, and the number one answer is to introduce some way to ban phone usage,” Eren tells me. She also believes that young moviegoers simply don’t know better. “They grew up during the pandemic watching movies at home while scrolling Instagram,” she says. “I see it as a collective bad habit we can help each other kick.”
And that collective bad habit isn’t just one that applies to young people, either. People of all ages are guilty of having their phones out at the movie theater. Last year, I went to a repertory screening of the 2001 horror film “The Others” at IFC Center in New York, where I’m typically safe from phone users — typically. On this particular day, an older couple came into the theater after a good third of it was already over, used their phone flashlights in the pitch-black darkness to find seats and promptly began to text at full brightness . . . with the keyboard sounds on. It would’ve been comical if it wasn’t so jaw-droppingly inconsiderate, especially for a quiet movie where tension is key. Everyone in our tiny theater was noticeably aggravated, so I got out of my seat and asked them nicely to put their phones away. Nary a text was sent for the remainder of the movie, but please, keep your adulation and bouquets of roses. A little shame is necessary in this life.
But phone usage at the movies became a uniquely bad problem in 2024 when a little movie called “Wicked” was released. Fans of the musical and of its film adaptation’s star Ariana Grande were taking pictures during the movie and posting them all over social media. One X thread where a user asked people to drop their theater photos has 13,000 likes (and a good ratio of irritated quote posts). What’s even worse is that those who asked picture-takers to simply refrain from snapping photos were met with haughty disregard.
People seem to have forgotten that when we patronize an establishment, we’re agreeing to follow its policies and rules. Why is calling for enough decency to preserve the integrity of a beautiful human experience seen as an attack? I don’t currently have the figures about how desperately clinging to personal freedom and rejecting tact and consideration for anyone but yourself aligns with the MAGA Code for Morally Bankrupt Losers, but they sound pretty close in ideology, right? And while cinema is political, movie theaters don’t have to be.
The basics: Keep your screen dark and put your phone away. Even if you think no one can see you, I guarantee they can. Exercise your ability not to touch your device for two hours, it’s the easiest litmus test to tell where you are on the food chain before the Great Mars Wars begin.
01 Keep that phone silent, dark and in your pocket
02 Yappers, beware – you're in for a scare
Another fundamental guideline that should be easy to follow, but doesn’t seem to be: Don’t talk during a movie. I’ve noticed that people tend to get up in arms about this and that there are always plenty of follow-up questions: Can I talk during the previews? What if I’m seeing a horror movie? What if I’m just whispering to a friend? Well, use your judgment. If you’ve ever looked in the comments of a TikTok recipe and seen the throngs of people asking boneheaded questions about whether or not they can nix a key ingredient, you know that we’re deep inside an era where people need to be told what to do. But this isn’t “Babygirl” and you’re not Nicole Kidman, so use your context clues. If you can’t do that, I’ll give you a primer.
The basics: Having something to say during the previews? Keep it to a whisper. Are you at a horror movie and feeling the need to remind everyone that you’re also scared? Feel the vibe of the audience; if it’s an eerie, tense moment, close that trap. But if it’s a silly one, or there’s a lot of wild things happening onscreen, feel free to react. (“The Substance” was so much more fun with a sea of vocal disgust.) Whispering to a friend? Your friend probably doesn’t want to hear it, and neither do all of the people sitting around you.
03 Punctuality is key, and courtesy is free
We live but one precious life, and one of the best things we can do for ourselves is get to a movie theater far ahead of the showtime, grab a snack, and sit down to let the anticipation of seeing a potentially life-changing piece of art alter us forever. Even those for whom “Deadpool & Wolverine” is a life-changing piece of art would agree: No one wants to scrunch their legs to let you in during a pivotal opening sequence, or have you stand in front of the screen like a bozo, looking for your friends or your seats. And speaking of seats, please sit in your assigned spot if you’re going to a theater where seating is reserved. Someone booked that ticket because they wanted that seat. There’s nothing that makes a person look more foolish than being asked to move and watching them proceed to a seat that’s nowhere close to the one they moved from.
The basics: Don’t be late to a movie. Plan to arrive on time. Structure your life in such a way that you can live leisurely and take joy in your moviegoing. You’re an adult with no less than 30 devices that help you make sure you stay on-schedule. Use them. And sit in your assigned seat. If second graders can manage this lofty task, surely we grown-ups can too.
04 Warm those vocal chords at home
Along with photo-snappers, “Wicked” screenings came with another major theater etiquette faux pas: belting for the back row. Early screenings of “Wicked” had so many people singing along with their favorite songs that a rep for AMC had to remind people that no one wants to hear your pitchy vocals against Ariana Grande’s dulcet falsettos. When asked about it, even Grande joked, “If people throw popcorn at you, maybe stop.” Let’s keep that in mind this year, especially when the second installment of “Wicked” rolls around at Thanksgiving.
The basics: Unless you’re one of the movie’s stars showing up to surprise ticketholders, save the singing for the privacy of your own home or a screening that’s specifically billed as a sing-a-long. AMC just started scheduling them, and a VOD version is on its way too.
05 Smell-O-Vision
Snacks are one of the greatest parts of going to a movie, and one beautiful thing about movie snacks is that everyone has their favorites. (“11am Saturday” has a whole must-read section about interviewees’ favorite movie snacks.) However, no one has ever enjoyed getting a whiff of someone else’s favorite theater treat. I’m a dine-in theater apologist myself, but even I draw the line at most full meal offerings. I have been sickened by the lingering scent of buffalo cauliflower bites at Alamo Drafthouse far too often for my liking.
Choose something with a low odor factor as a courtesy to your fellow moviegoers, and furthermore, consider sound as well. There are some noises — like the ruffling of popcorn or the crunch of candy bags — we just can’t avoid. Others, we can choose not to subject others to. No one wants to hear you workin’ on that caesar salad during “The Brutalist,” scraping grilled chicken off your fork with your teeth while Adrien Brody shoots heroin.
The basics: Popcorn is the best movie snack because it’s quiet and delicious, so you can’t go wrong with the classics. Outside food is fine (sorry, movie theater bigwigs, sometimes I don’t want to pay $15 for a soda), as long as it’s relatively quiet and isn’t pungent. At a dine-in theater, order early, get low-mess food you can eat with your hands, and set your drink down gently. And always, always tip your server generously, no matter what you order. Those who don’t tip their servers at dine-in movie theaters should be forced to work an entire shift, dodging people’s feet in the dark, just to be stiffed at the end of it.
When all is said and done, none of these guidelines are difficult to follow. Yet, some will inevitably read this and feel as though I’ve sucker punched them in the gut or egged their houses. To them, I say this: When we go to a movie theater, we’re making a covenant with the establishment that we are forcing ourselves to follow. Having a place where we can easily allow ourselves to focus on something other than the world outside is a great privilege. Going to the movies is how art communes with religion. We look to theaters for a certain experience, to enjoy being able to indulge in cinema in a place that demands our full attention.
To see a movie in a theater is to give yourself a great gift, but to see a movie in a theater and use your phone during the film is to light that gift on fire and let it sit in your lap until your burns are so bad you’ll never pee the same way again. You wouldn’t want that, and no one else would want it for you, because we should all have empathy for one another. You’re never seeing a movie alone when you bring your good friends Decency and Consideration along for the show.
“Collective gatherings are such a cool part of being human,” Eren agrees. “Overhearing gossip in the concessions line, watching someone gasp in wonder when Tom Cruise jumps off a cliff on a motorcycle, hearing strangers sniffle at the end of a sad movie — these are the details we remember years down the line. There needs to be mutual respect between theaters and their audience for the relationship to keep thriving. As society evolves, theaters are allowed to evolve as well, just as long as we all admit nothing can and should replace the theatrical experience."
