2019 has taken innumerable unexpected twists - but who could have foreseen that Lorraine Kelly would generate quite so many improbable headlines?
At the start of the year (we were so innocent then), we knew Kelly best as a purveyor of cosy morning TV and perennially cheerful national treasure.
But as the months wore on, we saw a new and unexpected side to the TV presenter, who also celebrated her 30th anniversary on breakfast television this year.
To celebrate a truly remarkable year in Lorraine memes, we're looking back at the star's most memorable moments - here's to many more to come in 2020...
Lorraine Kelly, theatrical artist
An early contender for post-modern news story of the year came in March, when a judge ruled that Kelly performs as a “friendly, chatty and fun” version of herself during a hearing over a £1.2 million tax and National Insurance bill.
Judge Jennifer Dean said that Kelly “presents a persona of herself” when she appears on her self-titled chat show, describing her as a “theatrical artist.”
“We did not accept that Ms Kelly simply appeared as herself; we were satisfied that Ms Kelly presents a persona of herself,” she said.
“All parts of the show are a performance, the act being to perform the role of a friendly, chatty and fun personality.
“We should make clear we do not doubt that Ms Kelly is an entertaining lady, but the point is that for the time Ms Kelly is contracted to perform live on air she is public ‘Lorraine Kelly.’
“She may not like the guest she interviews, she may not like the food she eats, she may not like the film she viewed but that is where the performance lies.”
Identity as performance? Selfhood as theatre? Divisions between the public and private personality? It was all strangely reminiscent of the sub-par literary theory essays you’d bash out as an undergraduate - and naturally, it provided a rich source of memes.
A Corrie cameo with a twist
And lo, to prove the extent of her theatrical artistry, the presenter then landed an unexpected cameo in Coronation Street in May.
Her brief appearance came as another ITV icon, Gail Platt, took her family on a trip to a Centre Parcs-style holiday village (due to Weatherfield’s fictive geography, we like to think that they headed off to Sherwood Forest) where they partook in a range of fun forest activities - including archery.
Gail, however, was no Katniss Everdine, and when mum Audrey distracted her, her shot rebounded and ended up maiming the unsuspecting Kelly (playing Lorraine Kelly), who hobbled out clutching her leg and shouting “You daft wee woman, you could have killed me!”
Script constraints meant that Corrie viewers never learned what Kelly was doing in an outward bound centre in the North of England. We can only hope that everyone involved had taken out holiday insurance.
Lorraine versus Esther McVey
Kelly’s “cheerful persona” was well and truly left at home when she broke character during a live link with Good Morning Britain presenters Piers Morgan and Susanna Reid, who’d just finished an interview segment with then-Tory leadership hopeful Esther McVey.
Perhaps hoping for a charming anecdote or at least some acknowledgement of Kelly and McVey’s shared history on GMTV, the presenters received neither. Instead, they were greeted with some very un-Kelly curtness, as she responded to the question of whether she remembered working with McVey with “Yep. Yes, I do” and the sort of grimly resigned expression usually reserved for Big Acting during World War II films.
Clearly unwilling to pursue this line of reminiscing, Kelly reeled off a list of what was coming up on her show - but Morgan wasn’t going to let her off the hook.
“So you got on well, with Esther then, Lorraine?” he pressed, prompting Kelly to do her very best Mariah Carey and hit back with “I don’t remember love, I don’t remember at all,” a line that will surely become the daytime TV equivalent of Carey’s infamous “I don’t know her” put down.
“If looks could kill, she’d [McVey] be six feet under,” Morgan quipped.
Kelly later revealed that her distaste for McVey stemmed from their opposing stances on LGBT rights and told You magazine: “She did get my ‘look,’ which very few people are on the receiving end of.”
It seems that this particular feud could run and run: in a recent video for Attitude magazine, Kelly described her former colleague as a “ghastly woman.”
Lorraine versus Jennifer Acuri
Kelly’s theatrical artistry was pushed to the limit again when Jennifer Arcuri appeared on Good Morning Britain to discuss her links to Boris Johnson during his time as Mayor of London.
After Arcuri refused to comment further on her former connections to the Prime Minister, the show cut to a live link (there’s a pattern emerging here) to Kelly’s programme. But instead of giving us the usual friendly spiel about which A-lister Ross King would be chatting to or Mark Heyes’ latest fashion trend, Kelly went off piste - and her “friendly persona” was in short supply.
“That was crazy, wasn’t it?” she said, eviscerating Arcuri’s interview responses in the process. “What was the point? Coming on, and not answering any questions. [What’s the] point of that?
“What’s the point you coming on the TV to clear the air and then you don’t say anything?”
And to further reiterate her point (that she didn’t see the point of Arcuri’s presence in the GMB studio), she continued: “You didn’t answer any of the questions that were put to you and I just don’t see the point in you coming on, to be honest.”
Arcuri replied by saying that she said “a few things” - but who among us could formulate a decent counter-argument when faced with the wrath of Lorraine Kelly?
Her Drag queen transformation
After a cameo presiding over the first ever UK edition of RuPaul’s Drag Race’s snatch game, it made sense that Kelly would close the year by unveiling her new drag alter ego, the brilliantly named Morning Gloria.
Taking inspiration from Queen Elizabeth I (or, as we like to think of it, taking inspiration from Margot Robbie as Queen Elizabeth I in Mary, Queen of Scots), the team from Channel 4’s Drag SOS kitted her out with white face paint, a crown and a bright orange wig.
Her Scottish heritage got a nod, too, in the form of a tartan sash, and upon seeing her stunning new look, Kelly admitted she’d “never felt more glamorous.”
Morning Gloria made her debut on the cover of Attitude’s Activists and Allies issue, four years after Kelly was crowned Honorary Gay at the magazine’s annual awards.
