Marriage proposals can be a life-changing experience. Or at least a relationship-changing experience, as no matter what the answer is to the big question, the relationship is bound to change in one way or another. With proposals, we always hope they change for the better. Yet, sadly, not all of them get the anticipated answer “yes.”
The reasons people say “no” to someone’s proposal are always different. Today, let’s explore some of them that were shared in a thread on the famous r/AskReddit. And, well, let’s just say that these stories range from simply entertaining to borderline scary.
#1
Dated a guy for 3 years & he regularly reminded me that I was the ugly chick in my town, that I wasn’t very smart. He proposed, telling me he was being generous because no one else could possibly love me. I Rejected his proposal because I wanted better for my self.
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#2
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#3
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In Western countries, it is typical for couples to get engaged before getting married. The engagement phase usually starts with a marriage proposal. A person gets down on one knee, takes out a ring, and asks their partner to marry them – that’s how we imagine marriage proposals, don’t we? Well, it’s no surprise we do, knowing that this is typically how Western media portrays them.
But where does this tradition of kneeling come from? Apparently, it originates from medieval knights’ times -- more specifically, from knights bowing before women as a sign of respect. Now, kneeling on one knee when proposing is also a way of showing respect. Yet, it is not necessary, and some people choose not to do it, and it doesn’t mean that they don’t respect their partner.
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#6
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After all, maybe a person is simply uncomfortable kneeling and prefers to do this in another position. Or, perhaps, they have some health conditions that make it hard for them to do it. Or the way they’re proposing doesn't make this the most practical thing. A proposal is a personal thing, and a person should do it the way they’re most comfortable, shouldn't they?
Overall, in Western countries, these marriage proposals are viewed as something not only personal but also important. And so, people come up with numerous ways to do them. From proposing at beautiful public places to cozy at-home proposals – many strive to do it in a way that no one has ever done before.
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#9
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Yet, sometimes, even the most amazing proposal plans backfire and the other person says no. As we can see in today’s list, the reasons people do this differ. Some realize they don’t want to commit to that person with a marriage. Maybe that person isn’t the nicest person ever, or they simply don’t feel like a match.
In other cases, some feel like it’s way too early in the relationship. For instance, when they’re asked the question just a couple of months in. Others are just not ready to be in such a serious relationship, even if they love the person. Well, just as there are plenty of people in the world, there are plenty of reasons for saying no.
Do you know anyone who turned down a wedding proposal? What was their reasoning? Share with us in the comments!
#10
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#31
I felt like I was going to [pass away]. I legit had a panic attack and just felt like I was going to regret it for the rest of my life. And it wasn’t even a real proposal! He was just talking about getting engaged soon and what kind of ring I wanted.
#32
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#33
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10 years later, I married a man that called me beautiful every day & encouraged me to chase my dreams. I’m now working towards my PhD.It was about 5am and we were both deliriously tired. He had just come back from a long work trip where we had limited communication (he was out of the country and in the middle of nowhere, so no reliable cell or internet service). We’d been up for hours talking and he spontaneously popped the question. I wasn't sure if he had thought it all through because there was no ring and we were both so tired. I didn't want him to regret it later and say, "S**t, what was I thinking?" I really did want to say yes, but I wanted to say yes when I knew for sure that he'd fully digested the magnitude of it all and not just decided on a whim that 5am was the perfect time to propose. I explained to him that I loved him very much, and while the spur of the moment thing was incredibly sweet and romantic, we were both too tired to make such an important decision.
He asked again a couple months later in the middle of the afternoon and I said “yes” that time. We just had our 15th anniversary.He wanted me to get rid of my kitten because he was jealous of her and was very concerned about the amount of attention I gave her…. It’s been 16 years and I still have the cat. Excellent trade ?. Editing to add the cat tax is posted on my profile if Sophia the Queen kitty ???.He was 11 and I was 23…… for context I was his babysitter.He was a wonderful person, but he wanted to start a family right away and I wasn’t ready, and knew I wouldn’t be any time soon. It broke his heart, but it was the right decision.
The guy from my past eventually got married to a young lady who had 3 children already, and they had a one more together. He seems like the happiest dad in the world and I’m glad I said “No”.
I am happily married myself. I am still not ready to have kids yet and neither is he. When the right time comes, we will be ready and welcoming. If it doesn’t, that’s okay too.I asked my ex and then left her because she gave an ultimatum that it was either my daughter or her, and then back tracked and said that she would just leave the house on days she was here.
No f*****g shot.My boyfriend of 4 years and I went on a holiday together. I was still very in love with him at that moment and i thought he had the same feelings. The 3rd night I had a bad fever and told him he could go out if he wanted because I was going to bed at like 8pm. So he went to the hotel bar I think. I woke up at 4:00ish all sweaty and took a shower and he was still not back from drinking, so I went to the hotel bar (this was a big hotel so it was stil open and pretty crowded) and saw my boyfriend being a little to comfortable with some college-age girl. I asked a waitress of she had seen him do anything, and she told me they had been making out dozens of times. I was too shocked/hurt that moment for the confrontation so promised myself to break up with him as soon as we got home. 2 days later, while we were at another hotel, he asked me to marry him. The answer and the reason were pretty obvious.He was very traditional and wanted me to be a sahm. I didn't want to. He also said he hates when women get half in divorce, so I asked him what did he expect a woman to do if he wants her to not work? Plus take care of everything so he CAN work? I walked away.
He married someone else and she divorced him because he didn't do a thing outside of work. She was exhausted.
I am happily married to a true man now.I was 12 and a 65 year old man asked me. I started crying and told my parents. He was barred from ever being near me again.Because I suspected that my ex-gf's desire for the spectacle of a wedding and the status of being married was greater than her desire to be with me.She was 5 and I was 4, I think it wasn't going to work out.I was offered a "shut up" ring.
I'd been dating my ex for a little over 2 years. I never asked for marriage, but I did make it clear that after I finished university I'd be moving across the country for better job opportunities and wanted to have a clear idea of where our relationship was headed by then.
One thing about me: I abhor diamonds. It's a moral thing and I also find other gemstones much more beautiful. My ex knew this, as it was something I'd talked about before.
Well, university graduation was approaching; I was about three months out from getting my diploma. Our relationship was still on shaky ground, I had no idea what his plans were for his career or for us. I again brought up that I was leaving the state to advance my career, and we had three months to decide the trajectory of our relationship.
2 weeks later, he gave me a ring. He proposed to me in my dorm room... with a diamond.
It was at that moment I realized that he was never going to be the right partner for me. I let him down easy, and went on to move out west.Told me that putting a cheating clause in the prenup would "make the entire document less valid" in the state of Colorado. Another lie in string of many, and easy to disprove with Google. The entire document was written for him and he refused to add just one protection for me lol. It's incredibly embarrassing to think I almost married someone who could lie to me so easily and genuinely did not care for me.He wanted me to convert to Judaism. Dawg I don’t even believe in *a* God. Let alone your God.I didn't want to get married and made it perfectly clear. He proposed in a restaurant anyway and got his feelings hurt.Wasn't quite a proposal, but more like an attempt to strong-arm a marriage (or at least an engagement). Years ago, I was moving to a new city, and the girl I had been dating for over a year and a half wanted to move in with me (which I was fine with!). The problem? Her family was VERY Christian, and while they could pretend that we had been chaste and pure for the entirety of our relationship, us moving in together was a bridge too far and unable to be swept under the rug. We had an extremely uncomfortable argument all together when she announced her plans to move in, and they said all the horrible purity culture BS you probably would expect: compared her to a cow who gives the milk away for free, a chewed up piece of gum, claimed no man who loved their daughter would even think of moving in before marriage, or at least engagement. We both held firm, and I told them in no uncertain terms that the only way I would propose to someone was after living with them and knowing we would be compatible. They were not happy, but ultimately there was nothing they could do but complain.
After three months living together we realized that we very much were NOT compatible. Seeing each other a few days a week and having her sleep over once in a while for the better part of two years was VERY different than living together, and it became obvious that we had very different ideas of what kind of households we wanted. We ended up breaking up, and all I could think was "thank goodness I stuck to my guns and didn't get married just because it was 'easier' or 'the right thing to do.'" We would have been miserable.I had broken up with my long term boyfriend for multiple reasons, it had been toxic for years and we had been living together for 8yrs. I had enough and told we are done and i will be looking for another appartment for myself since he refused to leave the appartment we had been living in my name and wich i had been paying rent and everything for.
I found a new appt but i had to wait for a month before i could move there so i was stuck living with him since he refused to leave to his parents.
When he heard the news i found an appt and was moving i think he only then realised i was being serious.
One day after that he gave me a tiny cardboard box and quietly told me to open it when he has gone out for a jog.
I opened it. It had a necklace and a paper with cringy love poem made by him declaring his love and asking me for marriage and accept the necklace until he gets a job and money to buy a proper ring. (He had no degrees and no job i had to pay for nearly everything in our relationship. I am also 100% sure his mom bought the necklace too.)
I told to return the necklace.He wanted children (sooner rather than later), and I did not (ever). He also wanted me to give up my hard-earned career to be a stay-at-home mom to said children. I had always been very honest about the future I envisioned; he had not. It wasn't a proposal, but I called off the wedding because I came home to find him in my bed ( not even our bed because he didn't live there) with my best friend. She was my room mate so had her own bed on premise to screw him in.I've been proposed to by three people. I've said no every time because I never want to be married. This was a fact WELL known to each of those people before they proposed to me. I guess they thought I was joking?It was my first day of school after moving states mid-semester. I was the mysterious new kid. Jeff (not his real name) handed me an unwrapped ring pop and said "You're hot. Marry me!"
Ya know- at 14 I just wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, or mouth herpes.1) I was 17, he was older and it suddenly dawned on me that it was an inappropriate relationship. Huge imbalance and I wasn’t interested in marriage at all. I was still in HS.
2) We were 18, we weren’t even dating, just friends, and he was going into the Navy; he just wanted company.
3) He was a possessive jerk who once said to me he wished I wasn’t as smart as I am because then he’d get away with more s**t. The thought of spending the rest of my life with him was nauseating.One night at a bar for someone’s birthday my long term friend suddenly started talking about how his mum would love me and his sisters would love me and how he always wanted his kids to be bilingual and how he knew I’d make good money and he could stay home.
He’d worked out this whole plan in his head but we’d never even kissed. I’d actually had a crush on him a LONG time but I was over it by then.
I just told him ‘But we’re not in love’.
It was so strange.When my friend proposed to his girlfriend she said:
"Ugh, ok. I don't want to be one of those girls that says no."
They lasted a couple months.He proposed by telling me he felt a lump on his d**k, when he pulled back the covers to show me he had a ring there. I didn't actually decline it at the time, it was an abusive relationship so I went along with it for awhile but would remove the ring whenever he wasn't there. I knew the moment he asked that I would never marry him. Also he'd cheated on me with his ex and a man by this point, they're the ones I know of. He'd later cheat on me and marry an older woman, this gave me the out I so desperately needed.We were in college and he wanted a wife for show not for real commitment—we’d only been dating a couple of months.. He asked someone else 4 MONTHS later. .It sounds so sad, but I could have lived forever with this guy because on paper, he was perfect. The minute he proposed, I realised that it was on paper and not perfect for me. He's still the most incredible human, but not my human. I wasn't excited, it felt like just a step.
He deserved better and we both deserved to be excited about it.
I actually said yes and then ended it a few months later.I was 15. Obviously he (21) was an idiot...It was 2 months in and he was “ready”. I was 19 and very much not ready. Unsurprisingly, he was military.First time: because I was engaged to someone else (and no I was not cheating with this guy, he just figured that since I was engaged, marriage was what I wanted, so proposing would win me away).
Second time: because we’d been dating two whole weeks.
Third time: I’d realised he was an alcoholic who was never going to stop thinking I was cheating when I gave him no reason to think that. He felt me pulling away and started to bring up marriage….My ex showed up out of nowhere after we'd been broken up for a year. Took me to lunch at a pizza place I wanted to go to. Then pulled out a ring and asked me to marry him. Felt like he had bought the ring for someone else and decided since she didn't want it maybe I would. This was the second proposal, first was from a pregnancy scare, I said no then too. When I told him I was going to get checked for pregnancy he said "Well I guess we can get married." I said I'm not marrying anyone just cause I'm pregnant. I wasn't pregnant just started have irregular periods.It was supposed to be a 3 week fwb situation until I moved out of country. He caught feelings and tried to give me a ring. ?.
