21 questions people should ask their older loved ones

66% of Brits who’ve lost older loved ones wish they had more meaningful conversations together to understand the ‘real them’. A poll of 2,000 UK adults who have lost a loved one in the last 10 years found nearly nine in 10 wish they had found out more about their lives.

According to the findings, only a third of people know where their older loved one grew up, or what school they went to, and just 23% knew what their hobbies were when they were younger. Over half of those questioned said they feel remorse about not getting to know them better, while 39% said these relationships deteriorated in later life because they stopped spending the time to have meaningful conversations.

The research was commissioned by KYN to highlight the importance of getting to know older people as the person they were and the person they are today, and to help families open up before it’s too late. KYN has worked with psychologist Honey Langcaster-James, to develop 21 questions to ask someone about their life.

Honey said: “Often when we think about older friends and family in our lives, we tend to only think about the part of them that has played a specific role in our lives. But our entire lives shape who we are, particularly our childhood and early life experiences, so finding out about these stories can really increase our closeness and strengthen relationships.”

Emma Hewat, Head of Dementia at KYN said: “In later life, sadly it’s quite common to lose sight of people’s identity and only focus on their age or the condition of their health. People’s past experiences, current interests and future wishes are still as relevant in later life as they ever have been and it’s really important to continue to reinforce that through having meaningful conversations..”

The 21 questions developed to open the conversation between people and their older loved ones.

1. What have you learned over the course of your life that you can pass on to me - what do you think it would be good for me to know?
2. Tell me about some of your earliest memories.
3. Where were you born and raised, and what was it like there while you were growing up?
4. What was your childhood like overall and what is your fondest memory from when you were young?
5. What were your school days like and what did you most enjoy learning about at school?
6. What hobbies and interests did you have, and what did you most enjoying doing in your free time when you were younger?
7. What is the most surprising thing you think people don’t know about you?
8. What was your favourite music or artist when you were growing up and why?
9. What has been the most interesting job you’ve ever done?
10. Who have you loved during your life, how did you first meet them, and how did your love story unfold?
11. What is the most significant historical moment you lived through or witnessed and what did you think about it all?
12. What was your favourite decade overall and why?
13. Who were your role models and who influenced you in your life and why?
14. Where was the most interesting place you ever travelled to and what did you make of the place?
15. What was the most challenging obstacle you had to overcome in your life and what did you learn from that?
16. What is your proudest accomplishment in life and why?
17. Looking back, what advice would you give to your younger self?
18. What’s the best book you ever read and why?
19. What have been the biggest changes you've seen throughout your lifetime?
20. What’s the funniest thing that ever happened in your life and what makes you laugh?
21. What are your hopes for the future and how would you most like to be remembered?