Sometimes the universe hits us with a curveball that seems impossible to fully recover from. Divorce is one of those things that can shake the ground under our feet and expose our deepest fears and vulnerabilities. Not to mention that it fundamentally alters the trajectory of our life.
However, we humans are often more resilient than we think and can come out of dark moments stronger than before. A good example comes from the Reddit user BondEmilyBond. They recently posted a question to the platform, asking divorced folks to share the lesson they took away from the experience. Here are some of the most upvoted replies they've received.
How content I could be on my own. Never having to compromise throughout the mundane moments because you are living alone is very freeing.
The person you married is not the same person you divorce.
I expected to be heartbroken but mostly just felt relieved.
Freedom after being controlled is amazing. Even in the little things. .
That I actually wasn’t the problem and how much of myself and my energy got diluted and stolen by him.
I felt even more lonely when I was married.
That the person I thought was the love of my life and soulmate could be so unbelievably cruel.
I always thought my older girls would one day resent me for getting divorced from their dad. 20 years plus later they told me it was one of the best things I ever did for myself and for them.
How quickly I recovered financially without my ex’s complete dependence on me instead of helping to support the family.
How starved for love and affection I was and how much confidence in myself I had lost.
That none of our friends believed that my ex was abusive. He was a covert narcissist and was extremely charming. I never knew who he really was even after 25 years.
He was able to feed and to take care of our daughter all by himself too! Who would have seen that coming?
You can almost die from grief and disappointment.
That relationship PTSD is a thing. I have a hard time even forming new friendships with people, much less trying to date.
That it's easier to be content with your life when you aren't feeling hurt, used, or ignored.
Pretty much how awesome life can be with a caring, kind, supportive spouse.
I had no idea how bad I had it until the old one abandoned ship, and I met the true love of my life.
How easy and cheap (for us free at city hall, a small lunch for the best man and maid of honor) it is to get married, and how time consuming and expensive it is to get divorced.
Shouldn’t have been surprising, but “It takes two people to keep a marriage together. It only takes one to tear it apart.” A therapist taught me this, which was revelatory. It helped me to stop believing there was some way I could save it, even as my partner was trying to actively sabotage it.
Not from my experience, but having children with your ex means you're not really rid of them, ever. They will always be around unless the children choose to remove them from their lives at some point. That includes the extended family, too, so it's a package deal at every event. It's not like they magically go away after the kids turn 18, though you do get to deal with them a little less.
Lawyers are expensive.
