As the season goes on, it becomes more apparent that nations will have to unite and assemble a squadron of superheroes to defeat the 49ers (spoiler alert on who sits at the top).
While it was pretty evident who No. 1 would be this week, dive in and find out how Numbers 2-32 stack up in the Week 6 power rankings.
32. New York Giants
Every time Daniel Jones touches the ball, the opposing defense gets their spears, yells “charge” and then destroys him with the strength of a thousand Spartan warriors. Plus, without Saquon Barkley, no one on that offense scares you besides Darren Waller… who has been a complete non-factor.
31. Carolina Panthers
They got morally dismantled by the Lions and are the last winless team in the NFL. Plus, Bryce Young’s group of XFL receivers aren’t exactly helping. We knew it would take time to see success in Carolina, but this is embarrassing.
30. Denver Broncos
There’s a safe bet that if you’re reading this, you’d be able to pick up positive yardage rushing against the Broncos’ defense. Russell Wilson’s been fine. Everything else has been a toilet salad.
29. Chicago Bears
Justin Fields has eight touchdown passes in his last two games, and it appears Luke Getsy is starting to figure out “Throw ball to D.J. Moore = good thing.” Any positive steps for this team are huge right now.
28. Arizona Cardinals
I don’t know how many wrestling comps I can make for the Cardinals, but I’ll be damned if I stop now. Last week was Spike Dudley, this week is Chad Gable in every match against Gunther over the last several weeks. He keeps getting closer and closer to getting the win, and he won the fans over in the process.
27. Tennessee Titans
Last week, I said the Titans were a box of chocolates because you never know what you will get with them week in and week out. Well, this week’s piece of chocolate was the one filled with toenail clippings.
26. New England Patriots
This Patriots have been outscored 69-3 over the last two weeks. The Empire has officially collapsed.
25. Atlanta Falcons
I have no idea where the Falcons found a replacement Desmond Ridder who looks exactly like the actual Desmond Ridder, just with talent, but tip of the cap to them.
24. Las Vegas Raiders
The Raiders’ are a… defensive team? Who saw that coming? Now, if Jimmy Garoppolo can just stop turning the ball over, they’ll be cooking.
23. Washington Commanders
For as much as the Commanders have invested in their defense, there is zero excuse for giving up 30+ points in four consecutive games.
22. New Orleans Saints
The Saints’ offense finally showed up- it only took five weeks and facing a terrible Patriots team.
21. Minnesota Vikings
I’m not going to take the “All four losses have been by one score” low-hanging fruit, but the Vikings are down to their last breath. Slipping to 1-5 will all but end their season.
20.Cleveland Browns
Raise your glasses, Dorian Thompson-Robinson hive. It was fun while it lasted. We’ll see how the Browns look off the bye with a healthy Deshaun Watson.
19. New York Jets
If only they could play the Broncos and their rush defense every week. It came down to the wire, but the Jets are at least back in the win column and get to 2-3.
18. Green Bay Packers
Uh oh, Jordan Love looks bad. Green Bay’s offense has hit a stone wall in terms of offensive production, and doing so against a Raiders team that came into the week 1-3.
17. Pittsburgh Steelers
The Steelers won 17-10 and they got there with three field goals, a safety, and a touchdown. They are the walking embodiment of that meme from The Office where Michael Scott looks very confused while he shakes his bosses’ hands- even they have no idea how they got into first place in the AFC North.
16. Houston Texans
C.J. Stroud continues to show he is the real deal, but the defense let Desmond Ridder, of all people, march down the field in the final minutes to win the game.
15. Indianapolis Colts
The Colts got a bad break with Anthony Richardson’s injury. Luckily, Gardner Minshew has helped lead them to two wins and their defense has been playing very well. It seems that Jonathan Taylor came back at the perfect time for Indianapolis.
14. Los Angeles Rams
I feel like more people are enjoying the Rams now that they are underdogs. It’s like when your mom always scoffed at paying full price for a particular item, but when it went on sale, all of a sudden it was great and she claimed to always love it. The Rams are fun, play hard, and have largely been in every game they’ve played thus far.
13. Tampa Bay Buccaneers
The Bucs had an early bye in Week 5, and hope to continue reaping the good fortunes after their 3-1 start. Baker Mayfield is having a resurgence of sorts through four games, and Tampa has become a lovable underdog because of it. They are like when you think you are going to find out you actually enjoy a food you thought you’d hate- a pleasant surprise, and now you have a new go-to snack.
12. Cincinnati Bengals
Are… the Bengals back? They still have a 2-3 whole to climb out of, but Joe Burrow and Ja’Marr Chase each had big days. Albeit, it was against the Cardinals, but the way both teams have played this season, that wasn’t a guaranteed win.
11. Los Angeles Chargers
The Chargers are like the latest Halloween franchise. More so, Justin Herbert’s career has had the same arc as the iconic horror films. The first two movies, much like Herbert’s first two seasons, were fantastic. And then Halloween III: Season of the Witch happened, and lots of people were annoyed by the lack of Michael Myers. Now, the young quarterback is trying to salvage this season and make it his Halloween 4: The Return of Michael Myers- one of the best movies in the franchise. They play Dallas next week on Monday night, which is sure to feature some incredibly stupid football.
10. Baltimore Ravens
The Steelers’ MVPs of their win over Baltimore were Mark Andrews, Rashod Bateman, and Nelson Agholor. All three of them dropped touchdowns, and the Ravens as a whole had eight drops against Pittsburgh in a game they had no business losing.
9. Dallas Cowboys
That was the most Cowboys performance ever- a 3-1 start where their defense looks dominant all for not as they get embarrassed the first time they face a real team. They better clean it up before next week against the Chargers.
8. Seattle Seahawks
Geno Smith has officially avoided Tommy Maddox status as it’s become clear his 2022 season wasn’t a fluke. Their defense has also been terrific as of late. Seattle is a fun, viable threat.
7. Jacksonville Jaguars
The Jaguars leave London with two wins, and Calvin Ridley is starting to hit his stride in the offense. They should be able to start racking up wins with the Colts, Saints, and Steelers as the next three teams on their schedule.
6. Philadelphia Eagles
I really just don’t have that same confidence in the Eagles that was so easy to have last season. I sound like a broken record, but the Eagles haven’t looked dominant once this season. They are still great, but they lack that killer instinct from a year ago.
5. Detroit Lions
The Lions look dangerous. Their offense is one of the most explosive in the NFL, and their defense is holding up its end of the bargain, as well. Offensive coordinator Ben Johnson is going to be handed a lot of blank checks this offseason from teams who want him to be their head coach.
4. Miami Dolphins
The Dolphins’ offense got back on track by beating a dreadful Giants team. The only reason the score was as close as it was (which still wasn’t close at all) is thanks to a pick-six for New York off a deflected pass. Miami’s offense is one of the best in NFL history through five weeks, but we need to see them beat a really good team.
3. Buffalo Bills
The Bills slip out of the No. 1 seed from a week ago. It’s hard to punish them too much after losing to one of the best teams in the league after travelling halfway across the world. If anything comes back to haunt the Bills, though, it will be injuries.
2. Kansas City Chiefs
Everyone’s collective hind-ends tightened once Travis Kelce went down with a foot injury, but he would return and help the Chiefs improve to 4-1. It’s the same old story with the Chiefs, we know what they are and how great they are.
1. San Francisco 49ers
I struggle to find anyone who will beat this 49ers team. Obviously, it’s very doubtful they win every game, but if any team can, it’s them. The embarrassment of riches on this team has been noteworthy for multiple seasons, but this is the strongest they’ve looked in north of 20 years. This could finally be the year it all comes together.
