There’s a very real Super Bowl hangover taking place.
The Cincinnati Bengals are 0-2. The Los Angeles Rams nearly coughed up a 25-point lead to the Atlanta Falcons; a team currently devoting $65 million in salary cap space to players who no longer have a locker in their facility.
And yet, each still has hopes of a return to the big game because the 2022 NFL season is a big sloppy mess so far. After a clearly-defined top six, the league’s middle ground is an undulating patch of driftwood floating on a sea of uncertainty. Which Minnesota Vikings team should we believe in; the one that ruined the Packers’ debut or the one that featured a primetime Kirk Cousins meltdown on Monday night? What do we make of a New York Giants team that’s winning games, but over teams that are winless themselves? Is it possible we’re affecting the outcome of Las Vegas Raiders games by observing them?
Not much makes a ton of sense in a league where upsets have been plentiful through two weeks. Let’s try and sort things out as best we can while overreacting to a tiny sample size of meaningful football.
32
Carolina Panthers
Last week’s rank: 32
Baker Mayfield is not the answer for which Matt Rhule had hoped. It seems fairly certain the former Temple and Baylor head coach will be back among the college ranks after 2022, barring a dramatic turnaround.
31
Indianapolis Colts
Matt Ryan looks washed up and the defense can’t stop second-year quarterbacks who came into 2022 with more questions than answers. The chickens have finally come to roost on Chris Ballard’s fatal flaw of never finding a quality long-term QB after Andrew Luck. It might be a long, agonizing year in Indy.
30
Atlanta Falcons
Last week’s rank: 28
They tried. Why Kyle Pitts isn’t seeing the ball more despite single coverage is a question Arthur Smith will have to answer to the football gods.
29
Seattle Seahawks
Last week’s rank: 24
It turns out catching the quarterback who called your team home for a decade off guard is different than beating a bona fide Super Bowl level roster in San Francisco. At least Pete Carroll will always have that “one” over Russell Wilson.
28
Houston Texans
Last week’s rank: 26
Houston is no one’s easy out despite a roster filled with young prospects and anonymous veterans. Denver tested cornerback and former No. 3 overall pick Derek Stingley Jr. with deep and mid-range targets all afternoon to great effect, which suggests games against the Chargers, Chiefs and sure, why not, the Jaguars could be grim affairs.
27
Cleveland Browns
Last week’s rank: 20
Lose to Joe Flacco on a rebuilding team in the year 2022 and you should be put up for formal relegation. This ranking might be too kind with too much of a benefit of the doubt to the Browns.
26
Chicago Bears
Last week’s rank: 19
After taking a 7-3 lead at Lambeau after one quarter, the Bears were outscored 24-3 the rest of the way. Despite trailing for the bulk of the game, Justin Fields only threw 11 passes. Maybe the conservative offense we saw in Week 1 and chalked up to a driving rainstorm in Chicago was, in fact, how the Bears plan to attack 2022 all year long? If it is, hoooo boy, this team is gonna be painful to watch.
25
Washington Commanders
Last week’s rank: 22
Carson Wentz is one of the NFL’s leading passers through two weeks and it still feels shaky. Is he padding his numbers? Are the Commanders sneaky-good (or sneaky-bad) with coherence issues? The truth is probably somewhere in-between.
24
New York Jets
Last week’s rank: 31
We’re going to find out very quickly whether or not Zach Wilson is the future when he takes over for Joe Flacco, who just led this team back from a 13-point deficit in the final 1:55 of game time vs. Cleveland. The playmakers are all there, from Garrett Wilson to Corey Davis to Breece Hall. Now we wait and see if the second-year franchise QB can take advantage of them or if he’s significantly worse than the 37-year-old who backs him up.
23
Denver Broncos
Last week’s rank: 12
Nathaniel Hackett is gonna football-brain his way into a Year 1 firing. This team makes no sense.
22
Las Vegas Raiders
Last week’s rank: 11
The Raiders had a 23-7 lead with just over eight minutes remaining, and they lost. Josh McDaniels has yet to win a game with the Silver and Black. Perhaps Las Vegas’ newly-cobbled together squad of high-end stars needed a little more time to gel.
21
Pittsburgh Steelers
Last week’s rank: 14
Just two games into their 2022 campaign, and the calls for Kenny Pickett to replace Mitchell Trubisky are already at an understandable fever pitch. One more stinker of a performance in Cleveland on Thursday night might be all that she wrote on “Mitch Trubisky: NFL starter.”
20
Dallas Cowboys
Last week’s rank: 25
Cooper Rush led a game-winning drive to beat the defending AFC champions and give the Cowboys new hope over a trying stretch to start 2022. More importantly, the Dallas pass rush abused Cincinnati’s rebuilt offensive line and proved it can inject enough chaos into a game for its offense to win no matter who the opponent is.
19
New England Patriots
Last week’s rank: 30
After looking lost in their opener, Mac Jones and the Patriots desperately needed to win their rock fight against the Steelers. The final three-point margin doesn’t do New England’s physical (and maybe disrespectful?) dominance of poor ol’ Pittsburgh justice.
18
Tennessee Titans
Last week’s rank: 17
Ryan Tannehill might be on his last legs as a starter, but Malik Willis unfortunately isn’t ready yet. Meanwhile, Derrick Henry is averaging 3.1 yards per carry with just 107 yards rushing thus far, in part because his blocking is butt. If this disaster continues in Nasvhille, keep Mike Vrabel in your thoughts. That man’s exasperation could know no bounds.
17
Arizona Cardinals
Last week’s rank: 27
Kyler Murray was forced to freestyle his way past a 20-point deficit and did so in a way that made us all remember why the Cardinals took him first overall in 2019. A beleaguered defense held Davante Adams to only two catches, which feels like a major accomplishment. Arizona has lots to prove in 2022 and will need to avoid its typical late-season slump, but a playoff spot is there for the taking in a weak NFC.
16
Jacksonville Jaguars
Jacksonville has five wins since 2019. Three have come against the Colts. None were as brutal as Sunday’s 24-0 beatdown that may have signaled to the world that Matt Ryan is washed.
The Jaguars unlocked the best version of Trevor Lawrence we’ve ever seen at the pro level last week against a typically high-level defense. It helps that James Robinson is healthy again and playing football like every handoff he gets is a chance to fire a dart at Urban Meyer’s stupid face.
15
Detroit Lions
Last week’s rank: 23
Through two games, the Detroit freaking Lions are averaging over 35 points per Sunday (!). At the same time, Amon-Ra St. Brown and Aidan Hutchinson are two of the brightest young players in football. This team isn’t “good” (whatever that means) but they are fun as hell.
14
New York Giants
Last week’s rank: 18
Hell yeah, let’s get weird with these rankings. The Giants don’t deserve too much credit for beating a very bad Panthers team, but Daniel Jones has led game-winning fourth quarter drives in back-to-back games. He had one such drive in 2020 and 2021 combined. Brian Daboll might be a sorcerer.
13
Cincinnati Bengals
Last week’s rank: 9
The Bengals spent millions to overhaul the offensive line that cost them Super Bowl 56. But might all the early sack problems (13 and counting) be more connected to Joe Burrow? It’s not a question anyone should be comfortable with in Cincinnati for a flailing 0-2 squad.
12
Baltimore Ravens
Last week’s rank: 6
Baltimore led 35-14 with 13 minutes to play on a day where Lamar Jackson threw for 318 yards and ran for 119. And the Ravens still lost, which tells you all you need to know about whether this defense lives up to the Baltimore standard. Will Jackson have the tools to win playoff shootouts despite his depleted receiving corps? Or is this team simply fun to watch and that’s it?
11
New Orleans Saints
Last week’s rank: 13
Take their late-game collapse out of the picture, and the Saints were flat-out bullying Tom Brady. It’s clear Dennis Allen has some kind of extremely effective “Brady Rules” playbook on the future First-Ballot Hall of Famer. This team will go nowhere, though, if it can’t improve upon a 8-of-26 third down conversion rate (30 percent) on offense through two games.
10
San Francisco 49ers
Last week’s rank: 15
Jimmy Garoppolo is back behind center, which will provide less variance than Trey Lance but also a lower ceiling. This will not matter if San Francisco jumps out to another early lead that allows it to run the ball 45 times. A stellar defense got back on track, limiting the disheveled Seahawks to just 216 yards in a mostly unwatchable Sunday afternoon snoozer.
9
Green Bay Packers
Last week’s rank: 16
The Packers were in cruise control on Sunday night. Chicago had no answer for a dominant offensive line that paved the way to 203 team rushing yards. On defense, Green Bay’s elite unit kept the Bears in a thick fog. It turns out having everything except for great receivers still makes you a good football team! Who knew?
8
Minnesota Vikings
Last week’s rank: 10
Minnesota has enough talent to hang around against most squads, and Justin Jefferson is good enough to carry an offense on his own — when he gets the matchup. But the Vikings have to be extremely troubled, again, by Kirk Cousins turning into a purple and gold pumpkin in primetime. Again.
7
Los Angeles Rams
Last week’s rank: 8
There’s a pretty sizable dropoff after the top six, which is illustrated by the No. 8 spot being held down by a team that very nearly coughed up a 28-3 lead to the Atlanta Falcons. The Rams are giving up 29 points per game, which is correctable over time but not if the offense doesn’t stop turning the ball over. Matthew Stafford has thrown five interceptions in two weeks so far.
6
Los Angeles Chargers
Last week’s rank: 4
We didn’t penalize the Chargers too harshly for getting beat, in part, by the team’s inability to accurately gauge how gassed tight end Gerald Everett was before Herbert’s game-shifting pick-six. Herbert did his thing, lifting the offense around him even without Keenan Allen in the lineup and setting the stage for a potentially epic rematch when LA and Kansas City meet again in Week 11.
The team’s inability to hold blocks long enough to allow Herbert the chance to strike downfield or develop a run game, however, remains a very real concern even with Zion Johnson and Rashawn Slater ragdolling dudes.
5
Philadelphia Eagles
Last week’s rank: 5
Behind an electric Jalen Hurts and explosive offense, as well a timely playmaking defense led by Darius Slay, the Eagles look terrifyingly good. This Philly team has some real juice as an actual heavyweight and we’re not sure the rest of the NFC can keep up.
4
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Last week’s rank: 3
After Mike Evans got Marshon Lattimore out of the game, er fought with his rival, it was smooth sailing for the Bucs in a playoff-like atmosphere in New Orleans. Tampa Bay scored 17 points in the final 7:41 while creating four takeaways in the fourth quarter. If this is how Tom Brady’s group closes big games in September — watch out.
3
Miami Dolphins
Last week’s rank: 7
Tua Tagovailoa did something not seen in Miami since the Dan Marino days by throwing six touchdowns against the Baltimore Ravens. The Dolphins spent heavily to give him a long runway and he took off in Week 2, connecting with Tyreek Hill and Jaylen Waddle for 22 catches, 361 yards and four touchdowns. That’s the kind of offense that can keep pace with the Bills or Chiefs in a shootout.
2
Kansas City Chiefs
Last week’s rank: 2
The rebuilt Chiefs secondary stood up to the test of one of the AFC’s top quarterbacks, even without impact rookie Trent McDuffie. While Justin Herbert threw for 334 yards, he needed 50 dropbacks to get there. Meanwhile, Kansas City’s “depth matters” offense got touchdowns from Justin Watson and Jerick McKinnon to prove Patrick Mahomes can still deal, even without Tyreek Hill in the lineup.
1
Buffalo Bills
Last week’s rank: 1
After their 41-7 beat down of the Titans, Buffalo’s offense has punted three times on 21 total possessions through two games. Note: Two of those possessions were kneel downs in victory formation. This is what it looks like when you have a roster full of players who are “HIM.” Stefon Diggs isn’t the only one.
